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flossy (original poster member #77302) posted at 3:43 AM on Saturday, February 13th, 2021
The hardest part that i cant stop thinking about is how we planned for our future. we wanted the same things.
to live on a farm
raise children
travel
be financially free
read books
i am not married to my bf but he was unfaithful.
I cant even imagine having the same connection with someone else?
i am not attracted to anyone else....
i will miss his family
please help
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 7:13 AM on Saturday, February 13th, 2021
I understand your fears but you will find somebody else once you’ve healed from the pain he’s caused you. Dating is a trial run and he failed. And as much as it hurts it’s good to find out now before you’re married and have children. It will take some time to heal but I promise you you will heal and you will be OK. Are you in counseling? I found IC Extremely helpful in my healing and learning how to cope.
And who do you have in real life? It’s a good time to call your posse together to help support you through this
You will get through this. Promise.
[This message edited by BearlyBreathing at 1:13 AM, February 13th, 2021 (Saturday)]
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 10:39 AM on Saturday, February 13th, 2021
Have you considered some professional counseling for yourself? I had a wonderful person who saved my sanity during and after my H’s affair.
I’m sorry your boyfriend cheated. It’s not something you can control. He cheated b/c of something inside him that made that choice. He decided to be selfish and just proved he doesn’t care about anyone else.
I hope this helps you.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Sunny69 ( member #65876) posted at 2:53 PM on Saturday, February 13th, 2021
Dear Flossy,
I am so sorry you have found yourself in this situation. You will read time and time again how the BS never expected to find their WS cheating on them. The pain is further enhanced with the pain of all the plans, you both made as a couple thinking you were both invested in those plans/dreams/hopes. Discovering those plans were surrounded by lies and deceit is always a punch to the gut.
What you will not appreciate now is that you will come through this raw pain. There are no short cuts, you have to process it. It is the same as the cycle of grief. You will spend the next few years grieving the person you thought your boyfriend was, but wasn't, and grieving for the loss of the relationship you thought you had. You will eventually get to a place of acceptance. Fear can keep you in a place that isn't right for you. Fear of the unknown, fear of not meeting anyone, fear of being on your own. But as you go through the process you will start to tap into an inner strength. You will realise the person you should be investing in is yourself. I am 3 and 1/2 years post DDay, we have 3 children 20+years of life and interwoven financial committments. For those reasons, I chose to stay. I still find it hard. I still find the feelings tear inducingly painful. It is the hardest thing to do. I can only echo what has been said before. If your boyfriend has done this to you now, see it as a lucky escape, before you had children. He has shown you his number priority is himself. You do deserve better. Read, learn, get counselling and turn this into an opportunity to meet someone who treats you with the love and respect you deserve.
Hugs and strength being sent your way
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