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Who extends the raincheck?

thisisterrible posted 1/1/2021 18:11 PM

Long story short: I started bumping into a guy in my neighborhood over the summer when I'd see him doing yardwork while I was out walking. We made smalltalk a few times, became FB friends, and would send PMs about things that were happening in the neighborhood, etc. He sent me a Merry Christmas message and we sent messages back and forth over the past few days. On NYE, around 10:30, he sent a message asking if I would like him to stop by with wine to ring in the new year (he could literally walk to my house in under 4 minutes). I thanked him but told him I was in my pajamas with my kids and asked for a raincheck. He shortly said "I'd like that", and that was that.

So now....what? Should I extend an offer to do something since I was the one who declined his initial invitation? What the heck would I suggest, especially during Covid? If it were summer, I'd suggest meeting to go for a walk so we could just talk and social distance, but it's winter. I'm not comfortable going to a restaurant given the pandemic. Or do I wait for him to send another invitation - which will also show if he's really interested and not just lonely And looking to good up on NYE?

Edited to add: he works afternoon/evenings, so if I were the one to suggest something, it would need to be something on a weekday morning.

phmh posted 1/1/2021 18:22 PM

If I were you, I'd suggest a walk. Don't let the weather deter you! I live in a very wintery area and run outside unless there is glare ice or -10 with wind chill. Dress in layers, wear mittens, warm socks/boots, and a hat, and you will be amazed at how quickly you warm up!

ff4152 posted 1/1/2021 19:44 PM

I second what phmh said. At a minimum, I would initiate some kind of contact assuming you’re interested. If you both can do a walk, go for it.

As a guy, if I didn’t hear from you, I might just think that the rain check is non redeemable.

AnnieOakley posted 1/1/2021 21:17 PM

Rain checks are up to the person who requested it...to rebook it. So the ball is in your court.

Hmmm. I definitely remember neighbor boy and went back to your last thread. So since you made the offer in October via FB, you had heard nothing really until the Merry Christmas message? Maybe he is indeed taking things slow, which is not a bad thing. I know you will proceed with caution ⚠️. But I would want to know what took him 2 months to reach out again.

I like his response. Personally, I would do the walk too. I would suggest his day off if you can. Can you sit outside after with coffee and baileys on the porch? Cocoa and peppermint schnapps?

thisisterrible posted 1/2/2021 10:52 AM

We had been sending 'generic' messages back and forth since I made the initial contact a few months ago - they were always things like "did you see the house on the corner sold already?", or "lots of sirens last night"; very sporadic, like only every couple weeks. His message on Christmas started the first personal communication, with asking about work and family, etc.

It's shallow of me, but another reason I didn't really want to do the walk thing was because I kind of wanted to look a little nicer around him for once. He's only ever seen me in shorts or leggings and tennis shoes when I've been out walking - it'd be kind of nice to put on a sweater and dressy boots, lol. Ugh - I sound like a teenagers, don't I?

I thought about sending him a message on Sunday night asking if he wanted me to stop over with coffee on Monday a couple house before he goes to work, but isn't that kind of rude for me to invite myself over his house? Like I said, I'm not real comfortable going to a restaurant right now. I couldn't ask him to come here because my kids are here doing school. Also, I don't know if he likes coffee. I don't like coffee, so I guess I'd have to bring a bottle of water for myself.

AnnieOakley posted 1/2/2021 12:40 PM

Ok, so he has not been completely silent. Maybe there was a breakup that he was still dealing with, but whatever the reason he has now made a more direct move forward.

Makes sense that his place is better since you have the kids home.

And you’re correct, you are over thinking this. He suggested wine at your place so nothing wrong w suggesting his if you are comfortable being in his house. But I still go back to his day off. I don’t mean to push alcohol-but you could suggest bringing over mimosas and a few pastries one morning. Or bloody Mary’s and bagels. They have them premixed in a can now.

Only takeout is an option here in CA. Am doing a social distanced Bloody Mary, beach chairs, and a few snacks tmrrw afternoon along the water with someone.

Give him a choice, ask if he likes mimosas, etc. He’s an adult, he can offer an alternative if he wants. You already have a base as a neighbor/friend, so treat him as such and just go with it. And quit putting up roadblocks where they don’t exist, you are worth it!!

messyleslie posted 1/2/2021 18:53 PM

I would just say - “Hey are you still up for a glass of wine? Let me know what works with your schedule!”

No need to come up with a new activity, and you can dress up a little if you know he is coming over. If you don’t want him in your house because of covid then just say “hey I would love to have that glass of wine with you - except can we make it something warm and in a to go cup and drink on a walk?”

messyleslie posted 1/2/2021 18:56 PM

Also even though he works I’m sure he has some days off so just let him tell you what works - if an evening glass of wine doesn’t work than he can make another suggestion. But I think your only job since he extended the offer and you just said another time is to let him know that you are up for it now. He is probably wondering if he overstepped and you didn’t want to hang with him at all.

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