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Covid, exes and child visitation

Jess09 posted 11/3/2020 12:19 PM

Hi all, hope you are all surviving this weird time we are experiencing.

How are you all handling this Covid situation with your exes and your kids?

I know everyone has their own beliefs on how seriously to take this virus. My ex and I have completely different views. He thinks it is a big joke and only follows guidelines that he is forced to like wearing a mask in stores. Otherwise he lives his social life as normal. Goes to bars, restaurants, parties and travels out of state without quarantining. He just came back from a trip and was sick when he saw the kids for the weekend which I didnt know about till later. When I called him out on it he said he didnt know what the kids are talking about. Basically calling them liars. Cause he could never admit he could possible make a wrong decision. He wants to bring them to his familyís Thanksgiving indoors with people and kids from different households. Then is going to attempt to bring them across country in December to be around family that is recovering from Covid.

Is it wrong I put my foot down on all these unwise decisions involving my kids during this time of such anxiety and uncertainty?

barcher144 posted 11/3/2020 13:59 PM

I basically try to focus on doing what I feel is the right thing.

I didn't have my kids last Thursday because one of my GF's kids possibly had COVID (it was good ol' fashioned strep throat). I didn't want to spread it.

My GF's son (the one with strep) doesn't follow any of the recommendations as far as preventing the spread of the disease. He's 16 and so he thinks that he knows everything but the reality is that he knows nothing.

I was going to be catty when I messaged STBXW about the potential for COVID. I wrote the message saying that I didn't want my kids, her boyfriend, or her boyfriend's kids to get sick. But, I figured that was mean so I deleted that text.

MakingMyFuture posted 11/5/2020 07:57 AM

My kids are older but Iíve got something similar.
X only has kids 2 weekends a month. Between those dates he takes a flight out of state to stay with his AP. So Iím top of his extended family that lives close by, heís on a flight,
Going through airports and getting exposed to her,
Her kids and their extended group out of state. Every time before having the kids.

Here is a few things you can do...

1. Depending on the age of your kids,
Talk and practice extremely good hygiene and how frequently they wash hands etc and the importance of not sharing food, cups, etc. Train them to protect themselves.
Practice saying ďHiĒ to people you love/miss without a hug. That way if our in a situation where others are not respecting boundaries, your kids have the words and social skills to get out of the touching in a socially graceful way.

2. Put things in writing where possible and frame it in the best interest of the kids (it is!) so you have a future record in case you need to pull them out of a situation. Do things like text

ďBased on the CDC guidelines it is not safe to have the kids in an enclosed space with more than x number of people. The kids health and well being is My top priority. The kids should not be attending any gathering with x number of people especially those who have not been socially distancing or not wearing a mask.Ē

Frame everything in the recommended health guidelines,
Protecting the kids and their safety.

He may change his behavior at least slightly when he quickly realizes you are creating a paper trail. So you may be able to nudge him towards a shorter visit, staying a hotel or other small daily actions or shift in how the holidays are celebrated.

You canít control everything and there will be some things you canít avoid, but if it gets too bad you may want to talk to tour attorney about custody options (you want that paper trail!)

Even before COVID I had to accept that my sociopathic x who thinks he is invincible would put the kids in situations that were too dangerous. I talked them through things in the best possible way without bashing their dad.

As an example my x took kids to Hawaii. I talked to kids part way through trip and found out place they stayed on beach had really bad under tow. Kids had been swept out in water repeatedly and had to have someone come out on body boards and rescue them. I found out x was also swept out with one of the kids. He got back in AND LEFT HER THERE for someone else to rescue. I was LIVID!! Who the F does that? After HE was swept out, x told the kids they could only go in water up to their arm pits. So I basically said something like...

ďOh, well you both know how big and strong your dad is and sometimes he forgets how powerful he is. So if he is saying you can only go in the water up to your armpits then what that really means is you should not go in above your shortsĒ

So without bashing their dad I raised them to take whatever he said and add their own safety layer.

I hope that helps!

[This message edited by MakingMyFuture at 7:59 AM, November 5th (Thursday)]

CatsNTats posted 11/7/2020 22:46 PM

Unfortunately, COVID is not going anywhere it being a virus. They reopened things a few months too soon instead of just letting it dwindle down. At this point it is our new normal. Make sure the kids have their masks with them at all times - and when in settings with other people. It's not fun, but it is necessary. Exposure would be - being within 6 ft of someone who has tested positive for over 10 min. If that occurs - the exposed person would need a 14 day quarantine - regardless of being masked or symptoms. So if your children notice someone in the family is sick - have them keep their distance from that person, (even their father) if they have to be in the same enclosed space with that person. One of the MAJOR symptoms is the NOTICEABLE loss of taste and smell...unlike any common cold virus. Like - they will be completely gone. Just prepare, educate, and have them keep hand sanitizer on them (if possible). I keep on in my nursing bag, one in my back pack, one in my car, one attached to whatever bag (purse - I don't normally carry, but when I do) I have on me that day. Also - practice not touching their faces and of course - good hand hygiene. Working in a hospital - I feel safer there than I do in the general public because there are a lot of people that don't care. But, like when I go on walks I just move across the street if someone is getting near.

I worked a COVID response team this semester and have also been floated to the COVID unit at the hospital.

It's just about being aware of yourself, your surroundings, and the people around you. You guys should still live your lives (holidays and all)- but it's okay to be vigilant and prepared.

[This message edited by CatsNTats at 10:47 PM, November 7th (Saturday)]

suckstobeme posted 11/10/2020 19:11 PM

Youíre not wrong to put your foot down. I would refuse the thanksgiving gathering and definitely refuse the vacation. Depending on where these events are taking place, there may be restrictions that he plans to ignore, which would not bode well in court if it came down to it. Itís not just a matter of keeping the kids safe. Itís a matter of making sure you and anyone that youíre around stays safe. I have managed to keep my kids away from my ex save and except for walks or bike rides or short drives to get coffee with everyone wearing a mask. They havenít beeen to his house in months because he lives with OW and her kids who go to different schools, play sports, and are around their family members on a regular basis. Itís just too many layers of risk. I believe that part of what has stopped him from resisting me is that if I get sick, there is no one else to take care of the kids. I would have to quarantine and try my best to take care of kids without any other adult in the house to help. Also, Iíve stressed to him that if I get sick, I canít go to work so .... someone motivated by money would take care not to have me exposed.

Iím sure tons of people are in this same boat. The holiday and the vacation are enough to call your lawyer to see how the courts are handling these issues. Doesnít mean you have to file anything, but knowledge is power so I would want to know how that behavior would be received.

[This message edited by suckstobeme at 7:13 PM, November 10th (Tuesday)]

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