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OP new here looking for support if that's available

NotYourWendy posted 10/13/2020 12:44 PM

[This message edited by NotYourWendy at 1:42 PM, October 13th (Tuesday)]

HellFire posted 10/13/2020 12:56 PM

You will get help here. It might not always feel helpful,but thats because this is fresh, and you still see yourself as a victim, not a perpetrator. We have some of the best former waywards here. They will help you, but the work will be painful. And ugly.

Do not contact his wife. Ever. You have caused her enough damage. If she contacts you, and asks questions, answer them honestly. If she just calls to vent at you, hear her out. You owe her that.

Have you blocked him from being able to contact you?

[This message edited by HellFire at 12:57 PM, October 13th (Tuesday)]

Timeforhelp posted 10/13/2020 13:09 PM

There is no stop sign so I am answering this as a BS.

Are you kidding me?!?!?

You say you started a PA with a man you knew was married, that lasted a single day, and you expect to be believed that in one day you got so attached you had to keep seeing him as an EA only. I call BULL S@@@.

You then had the audacity to continue to be involved with said married man and parade yourself and this EA in front of his wife! That doesnít sound like someone who had important information withheld and sounds like you actively participated in his lying and manipulating of his WIFE.

The thing you need to remember about your whole situation is that you knew about the wife from the beginning, you had a choice. She in the other hand most likely didnít.

She didnít get to choose if she wanted a third person in her marriage and she didnít get to choose whether or not she got to mix your sexual history with hers.

You have assisted in violation of another woman and the destruction of another persons sense of being. If she feels like most BSís, she will feel unloved, unlovable and tossed aside with no regards for her feelings or safety by her husband. You helped with that.

I do have empathy for your situation, I feel bad for you that you werenít taught to have more respect for yourself and others. I feel bad for you that you feel like you have been abandoned due to your insistence that the WS confess to his wife.

But your feelings are directly due to your actions. You knew the risk from the beginning.

You need to get yourself into counselling to find out why you felt it was appropriate to begin a relationship that way. Find out why you are selfish enough to think your needs come before someone elseís.

I hope people on here will be able to provide that help.

NotYourWendy posted 10/13/2020 13:40 PM

Yes, I have blocked him from contacting me.
Good to know. This isn't the place I'm looking for.
This isn't support, this is kicking someone while they are already down.
How do I delete my account?

[This message edited by NotYourWendy at 1:46 PM, October 13th (Tuesday)]

wifehad5 posted 10/13/2020 13:51 PM

All, the Stop Sign has been added to this post, so it is now closed to responses from Betrayed Spouses.

NotYourWendy, I've sent you a PM

MrCleanSlate posted 10/13/2020 14:13 PM


Hopefully you change your mind and stick around.

There are lots of different view points on here, and I am sure you can understand that some betrayed spouses would be easily triggered, but there are many waywards that are willing to offer advice and support.

The STOP sign prevents betrayed spouses from posting which permits a conversation to develop.

[This message edited by MrCleanSlate at 2:14 PM, October 13th (Tuesday)]

NotYourWendy posted 10/13/2020 14:49 PM

No. I'm good. There doesn't appear to be any OPs on here.
That's a sign. It would appear that we aren't actually welcome here. I wish that was more explicit.
Its possible to be a victim and be complicit at the same time. There seems to be no room for that reality here.
No, I didn't know really what I was getting into.
I don't see how a WS could help me. That's the sort of person I'm trying to stay away from anyway.
This place is not for me. I'm not going to find healing anywhere where a bigger picture isn't being looked at.

[This message edited by NotYourWendy at 4:33 PM, October 13th (Tuesday)]

wifehad5 posted 10/13/2020 18:40 PM

The OP won't be joining us anymore.

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