Newest Member: faithfulMan911

Just Found Out :
Reminders for my soon-to-be ex-wife

Topic is Sleeping.

 FutureAlgae (original poster New Member #72769) posted at 11:46 PM on Tuesday, September 15th, 2020

DDay 1 was a year ago. DDay 2 was in February. But every time I dig, I find out something new about how you've been spending our years together. I'm impressed you found the time. This isn't in chronological order, and most of it is new information I've collected over the last couple of months, as I began to realize my attempts at reconciliation weren't working.

You cheated on me:

- A whole lot

- On my birthday

- While I was attending a support group for men that you encouraged me to go to

- While you were dangling the promise of taking me to sex clubs, which you thought would be fun if you were ever "emotionally ready"

- In such a way that resulted in a serious pregnancy scare for you

- After you got caught the first time

- After you got caught the second time

- After you got caught the third time

- While you were lashing out at me, insulting me, and wrecking my confidence

- While telling me how you planned to spend my inheritance from my mother

- While I was desperately trying to locate you after midnight because I was having flashbacks to your bike accident and wondering if you were dead

- While I was cleaning our apartment so your friend could stay with us, a visit during which you ditched her to go fuck your boyfriend

- While feeling sorry for yourself because being in love with a Gemini man is just so hard, you guys

- With a creep I absolutely despise, for more than a year, while lying about it to me hundreds of times, whom you started fucking because he's the ex of your frenemy and you wanted to spite her

- With a dude from our wedding party (before and after he was outed as a serial rapist)

- With an ugly greaseball from New Zealand you met at a rooftop party while I was sick, who later came to our new home and tried to fuck you while you were blackout drunk

- With countless hookups, FWBs, and jerkoff buddies I’ll never know about because you never admit to anything until you’ve been caught dead to rights

- While we were in couple’s counseling

- While you were making concrete plans to fuck our couple's counselor (I'm 99% sure he wouldn't have gone for it - he told you to your face that you have "the emotional maturity of a seven-year-old")

- While you humiliated me to amuse your friends, including people I know fairly well

I guess you've answered all my questions except for "why did you think it was a good idea to give me your cellphone and Instagram logins?" If you wanted to get caught, congrats.

Now you're stuck at your mom's house and you just found out you got exposed to COVID-19. Have a nice life.

[This message edited by FutureAlgae at 5:47 PM, September 15th (Tuesday)]

posts: 4   ·   registered: Feb. 9th, 2020   ·   location: Los Angeles
id 8587984

longsadstory1952 ( Member #29048) posted at 12:03 AM on Wednesday, September 16th, 2020

God. This is beyond terrible. It’s just twisted.

Make use of the resources here. Despite your resolve you may need them.

She is very much in need of a strong response and it looks like you are going that way.

No quarter. No prisoners. No mercy.

This why some people literally hate the person they married.

posts: 1057   ·   registered: Jul. 14th, 2010
id 8587989

Vonbock ( Member #75204) posted at 12:43 AM on Wednesday, September 16th, 2020

Makes you wonder why she got married at all.

posts: 208   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2020
id 8587996

The1stWife ( Member #58832) posted at 3:08 AM on Wednesday, September 16th, 2020

I’m sorry for you. I hope you are able to heal from this.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10504   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8588033

SnowToArmPits ( Member #50943) posted at 7:14 AM on Wednesday, September 16th, 2020

It would be awesome if you could someday soon laugh at this bag of awful that's landed on you. You've got some great stories there to tell when you're drinking with your buddies.

That's about as bad a marriage and wife you could ever imagine.

posts: 342   ·   registered: Dec. 25th, 2015   ·   location: Canada
id 8588086

babbu ( Member #48847) posted at 8:00 AM on Wednesday, September 16th, 2020

I ... am hesitant to say this. But this woman is plain evil. I'm sorry. You are all the better for for leaving this woman. Empty this soulsucking being out of your life.

posts: 267   ·   registered: Aug. 6th, 2015
id 8588087

steadychevy ( Member #42608) posted at 12:50 PM on Wednesday, September 16th, 2020

When your WS had a LTA there are lots of "events" that occurred that were found out about after DDay. When you dig back to some of those things what were off putting, even mildly, the reality comes out. That is quite a list and, I bet, not complete.

I have quite a list, as well. Mine is not complete but it is long enough. My IC suggested I build it because, even after separation and filing and serving, I had momentary lapses where I wondered if I could actually R with her. She virtually never did the things I asked of her to see if it was worth it to even attempt R. We never got to attempting R.

Keep building your list, if you must. Keep it handy if you feel yourself weakening and you know to do so would cause further damage to you. I haven't looked at my list for a long time, now. But it's there in case I get nostalgic.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4657   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8588119

SlapNutsABingo ( Member #71353) posted at 7:26 PM on Wednesday, September 16th, 2020

I wonder a what point in her life this is all going to come crashing down into her psyche and she realizes what a waist her life has been....

posts: 383   ·   registered: Aug. 21st, 2019   ·   location: WI
id 8588268

Dismayed2012 ( Member #49151) posted at 10:28 PM on Wednesday, September 16th, 2020

Man FA. You got not only handed a sh*t sandwich but you got it shoved down your throat and reconstituted to eat again. The bright side of this is that when you've spent this long in a dark, damp hell and you finally free yourself from it and breach your life is better than you ever knew it could be. You now have a great future ahead of you. Take advantage of it and make yourself more successful than you've ever been. You're worth the effort. Take care of yourself.

Infidelity sucks. Freedom rocks.

posts: 1798   ·   registered: Aug. 21st, 2015   ·   location: Central KY
id 8588339

HalfTime2017 ( Member #64366) posted at 11:29 PM on Wednesday, September 16th, 2020

Your ex-wife is going to be a shit show no matter who she is with, where she goes, or how she decides to move forward. Hard for someone this fucked up to get fixed. You my friend, now have the chance to get fixed and move on to a better life.

Don't think this journey will be easy, but it can't be any worst.

Lastly, your moms inheritance is all yours. She can't touch it. Most states keep that separate as far as property goes.

posts: 1141   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2018   ·   location: Cali
id 8588350

The1stWife ( Member #58832) posted at 1:34 AM on Thursday, September 17th, 2020

your moms inheritance is all yours. She can't touch it. Most states keep that separate as far as property goes

Laws vary from state. This may not be true based in various factors. Please check with an expert to determine if this inheritance can be considered a marital asset.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10504   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8588374

katmandude54 ( Member #35992) posted at 12:51 AM on Wednesday, September 23rd, 2020

We may have been married to the same woman!

If at first you don't succeed, you're probably screwed.

posts: 145   ·   registered: Jul. 1st, 2012   ·   location: FLORIDA
id 8590501

sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 4:46 PM on Wednesday, September 23rd, 2020

Just a reminder - as bad as you feel, you haven't failed - she did.

Her cheating came from her own issues, not from issues with your or your M.

I'm sorry you're going through this, and I know it hurts - but the problem is her, not you.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 25978   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8590688

stillfrozen ( New Member #75515) posted at 7:10 PM on Wednesday, September 23rd, 2020

I am so so sorry. This is completely gutting.

The part that hits me hard is that you are/were trying, and she is just using you up. Its unfortunate that she can’t see what she has/had.

Take time to heal, center yourself, and get back to who you were before her.

I can’t tell you that it gets better, because I’m still trying to figure that out myself. But here’s to hoping! 🤞🏻

Me: BS, 30
Him: WH, 31
D-Day: 09/09/2019 two weeks before our wedding.
Currently: R

posts: 25   ·   registered: Sep. 23rd, 2020
id 8590733
Topic is Sleeping.
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