Oooooh Dee, another home run with bases loaded!
I think you ought to write a pop psych book on this topic. I was going "ME, TOO" the whole post!
These types of men bamboozle A LOT of intelligent people.
Using your list, I was going through it nodding my head, because:
* my father thought highly of him
* his boss thought he was his top employee
* his coworkers and friends sung his praises to me
* my friends ALL thought I was so lucky to have found him
This is not a group of stupid people who thought my XWH was the absolute best.
* My father was an aeronautical engineer and computer analyst.
* SAWH's boss was a self-made millionaire in the auto racing industry with many team successes my SAWH helped him achieve over the years.
*My friends were all older or happily married women who'd never met anybody like this - but they'd all heard my horror stories about my XBFs, and compared to them they all thought he HAD to be Mr. Right!
You don't tend to get "yeah, I was with a guy like that before". You get "WTF, that's AWFUL". They are outside of normal.
It gives some relief when you can put into words how broken these guys are, by anyone's standards. And I would like to add one other category to our list of people they fooled: THERAPISTS!
Thinking back to the what Skeeter said, which also summed up my situation (girl!), when my last XBF suddenly disappeared after an intense 4 month, full-time relationship, dinners with his parents, sleepovers, holidays and a fun trip with his family, the shock of sudden abandonment really sent me into a tailspin. (I think I missed his mother as much as I missed him, and I sent her a card telling her that, too!)
But I couldn't believe it had hit me so hard! I thought I had been processing the grief of my mother's death, the loss of my "true love" fiance and after him, the ending of several relationships before that one, but it was obvious that coping with my losses by denial and working harder at my job hadn't really helped me cope.
I felt it was time to see a counselor but to be honest, she wasn't much help; the only thing she did was listen to my idea when I told her I needed to SCHEDULE something social to do, every day and maybe even every hour, to get me through the worst of it. She thought my idea of putting upcoming events on a calendar I could look at when I was feeling bad sounded like a practical way to cope with all the loss and help me reconnect with others, just like Black Raven talked about the other day.
We have to "do our homework" with this. How's everybody doing?
[This message edited by Superesse at 11:09 AM, September 28th (Monday)]