SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It's been one year and two weeks since DDay 2.

Things with my gf are progressing. I stay over at her place several times a week. She is head over heels for me. The only thing keeping her from telling me that she loves me is the fact that we had a conversation about how I am just not ready for that at this time. The sex is great, her kids love me, and I have no problems at all being exclusive. I still have a huge feeling of comfort and contentment whenever I am with her.

But I'm not in love with her. I don't know if it's something wrong with me or if I'm just not ready or if it's going to be something persistent, and the longer we go, the more it sits on me. It's a huge time expense being with her, one that I gladly pay, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't eating into my other obligations and priorities.

I'm not sure what to do, if anything. Any tips?

Incarnate

Do you see the possibility of a LTR with this woman? When you say you’re not in love with her, can you elaborate? Do you enjoy her company? Does she make you happy? Can you just be you when around her? People experience love in many different ways and it doesn’t always have to be fireworks and rainbows.

TBH, if you are enjoying her company and each are making the other happy, relax. It sounds as if you’re pushing yourself to feel a certain way about this woman. Take a deep breath and enjoy. Perhaps you’ll end up marrying her or maybe things will fizzle out in time. Don’t go looking for problems. Learn how to be happy and enjoy. Considering what you’ve been through with your ex, it’s understandable if you’re a little gun shy.

[This message edited by ff4152 at 6:56 AM, August 29th (Saturday)]

I was in a similar situation. My first relationship started well after the divorce papers were filed but before the divorce was finalized, and the then-STBXWW and I were doing the in-house separation thing. We broke up about 4 months after my divorce was finalized. Our relationship was everything that you’re describing. But I think that she was getting more serious at a faster rate than I was comfortable with. I think that subconsciously, I was fighting admitting to myself that I was falling in love with her because I didn’t want to risk getting hurt again, like the XWW did to me. For what it’s worth, it’s the biggest mistake I made post-divorce. I’m currently trying to revive things with my ex-girlfriend but not having much success.

My advice is: since your relationship sounds positive in virtually all respects, ask yourself why you’re not in love with her or are you denying it to yourself as a self-defense mechanism.

[This message edited by Alonelyagain at 4:10 PM, August 28th (Friday)]

How do you define "in love with?". It sounds like you have a love relationship, through your actions. Why do you feel the need to label it either way?

but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't eating into my other obligations and priorities.

This troubles me. So soon after your last DDay, and still living with STBX, you should still really be completely focusing on you at this point. Dating is fine, but not at the expense of other impirtant aspects of your life. Any chance you can dial it back a bit? To get a little perspective about how you really feel about her and the relationship?

This relationship is still very new, and the hormones are likely intoxicating, especially after the sexless toxic marriage you had. Maybe that is what's troubling you. You are wondering if it is the real deal, or if it just feels really good after all of your suffering.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 5:58 AM, August 29th (Saturday)]

I think you need to give yourself time. Don’t stress about it. Enjoy yourself. You have been through a lot.

If you aren’t enjoying it, follow your gut.