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Child Support/Visitation

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Lifeexploded posted 8/21/2020 09:26 AM

Taken, you're right. I just know how he is. There would be backlash. We'll get there.

A couple of friends and I are actually planning to take a girl's weekend when it starts to cool off. Oh he will hate that.

He frequently uses Covid to try to tell me that I shouldn't be going out. It's maddening. I am very careful and we have 5 active cases in our ENTIRE COUNTY right now.

Phoenix1 posted 8/21/2020 12:40 PM

He HATES text and email. He can't type quickly and can't spell very well. He prefers phone calls.


Poor muffin! Again, sucks to be him. Repeat after me: It is NOT.MY.PROBLEM!!

Seriously. Create your boundary and enforce it. Tell him you will only communicate via text or email unless it is a LEGITIMATE emergency. Then stick to it!! He can't force you to answer his calls or return them. He calls and leaves a vm, you reply (only if necessary) by text/email. Keep doing it and he will eventually learn you are not playing his game.

So I have apps on my phone to record phone calls.

Have you checked your state laws on recording calls? If you are in a one party consent state, you are okay. If you are in a two party consent state, recording without his consent is technically illegal and it would be inadmissible in court as evidence.

I wait a few hours and then text him saying I was busy and what did he need. He calls though. I need to learn how to get off the phone more quickly.

Stop returning his calls unless it's a valid emergency. Text or email only.

I know these are hard habits to break, but breaking any habit requires that first step that you build upon. Sure, you will probably fall off the horse once in a while as you proceed with establishing boundaries. We've all done it. Don't beat yourself up, but do get right back on that horse! Acknowledge the screw up and resolve to fix it. Eventually you won't feel the need to call him as your new habit of texting/emailing will kick in.

Be prepared though. Often we see ex's ramp up the crazy when they feel they are losing control. If yours does that, you need to dig deep and stay the course.

Do.Not.Engage!

Lifeexploded posted 8/21/2020 22:15 PM

I have tried to email. If it's like more than a simple sentence, he will call and say "What does that mean." ugh.

I have checked; we are a one party consent state, and he knows anyway.

I should see the child support payment in my account by now; it was there last Friday. It's not. The $200 extra payment to pay toward his arrears that he said he scheduled isn't there either. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS NOT TO TEXT HIM??? Someone come tie me down. I'm going to do my best not to bring it up at all.

I am so glad I get to go out with my friends tomorrow and get my mind off of him for a bit.

Phoenix1 posted 8/22/2020 01:01 AM

If it's like more than a simple sentence, he will call and say "What does that mean."

Why are you answering/returning his call? Doing so is only going to keep the circus in motion. You have the power to stop it, if you want to.

Is CS going thru the state CSE office? If not, see what it takes to get it set up. That way they will be the ones to jump his ass if it doesn't get paid. That keeps you out of it. One less thing to keep the contact going.

Catwoman posted 8/22/2020 06:27 AM

Set his ring tone to chirping crickets to remind you not to pick up. He can leave a message, and if it is a non-emergency (which it will be 99% of the time), you can respond at your leisure via email or text. Stop letting him control you.

If he calls and leaves a message as to what something means, reply again in text or email. And yeah, what it means is that he is a total douche.

If he "can't handle" the kids on his time and calls for you to rescue him, don't. Text him back and say "You'll have to figure something out, as I cannot help you today."

Period.

As someone once said, "drop the rope." He can't play tug of war with you if you drop the rope, right?

Cat

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