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Season, grieving, process

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JBWD posted 10/5/2020 17:21 PM

Itís not that I expect to grieve one more than the other, itís that Iím not feeling the impact of his death as vividly. Of course the loss of M is more present, and I canít really quantify the distance between my father and me. But I feel like one is crowding out the other, and that makes me feel pretty crappy.

I have started to absorb the things about my childhood that didnít go right but that doesnít answer being a bad son. Just the same as those issues donít explain betraying my wife.

[This message edited by JBWD at 5:26 PM, October 5th (Monday)]

LifeDestroyer posted 10/5/2020 19:27 PM

I too realized that I have been mourning the death of my marriage more than I ever grieved the death of my mom. I know one reason is because I really didn't let myself mourn her. I didn't want my daughter to see me sad and was so used to having to be strong. Now, I'm tired of being strong. I want to sit and cry and feel like shit.

I think we may also mourn it more because it is something that we caused or had a hand in killing.

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