It’s my birthday and I just feel sad I don’t have the life I wanted and I’m caught in this loop of wondering why other people get to have happy marriages and stable finances and I don’t.
My attorney emailed me the other day to say that the way my WH and I agreed to structure our judgment in regards to our house and the equity we have isn’t enforceable and they can’t draft it that way. It felt a little like going to back to square one although I know we aren’t.
My stbx WH called to wish me a happy birthday and starting crying and saying how much he missed me and I told him what the attorney had said and told him what I thought we should do instead and he said it wasn’t fair to him.
Then he begged me for another chance and said that the best thing for our finances would be to stay married and that I could fix everything by just giving him another chance.
I haven’t lost my cool on him for a very very long time but I just got really mad. Like on my birthday you are asking me to do something I have told you I cannot do. You are telling me you love me but moments before telling me it’s not fair for me to get more equity in the house even though you make 4x more than me (when I am able to get a job - I can’t even do that
Right now because I’m a teacher and the freaking schools have no jobs and we have three kids I have to homeschool next year.) it’s like he doesn’t even see that if he had the type of integrity that would be required for me to stay married to him would mean he is ready to lay down his life for us and get nothing in return and that’s obviously not happening.
It’s so upsetting. I just want to be done with it. I’m really scared he is going to just delay everything in an attempt to stay married.