Newest Member: username3016

Divorce/Separation :
It must be hard being right all of the time

Topic is Sleeping.
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 barcher144 (original poster Member #54935) posted at 11:27 PM on Sunday, July 26th, 2020

I don't know which forum to put this... so I am putting it here. I'm just venting some.

Yesterday, STBXW took two of our children to the dentist. I have really good dental insurance for the kids, so while they were driving to the dentist... my older daughter texted me and I asked if I would send a photo of the dental insurance card.

I responded right away, but I sent the response to STBXW via our special co-parenting app. I asked that she communicate with me directly in the future. I did so politely and I did not mention this is a requirement of our parenting plan, which she signed.

The response was "I was driving."

I responded with the fact that it was a 15-minute drive, the appointment had been made months ago, and she could have texted me before she began driving or after she arrived at the dentist's office.

She then responded that I should have sent the dental card months ago.

It must be difficult being right all of the time.

Me: BH, age 47
Her: WS, age 44 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5097   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8566782
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Neanderthal ( Member #71141) posted at 11:57 PM on Sunday, July 26th, 2020

I'm curious what parenting app you're using.

I'm always right too, it is difficult.

Me: WS/BS
XW: Lifedestroyer (LD)

posts: 433   ·   registered: Jul. 30th, 2019   ·   location: OK
id 8566792
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HeHadADoubleLife ( Member #68944) posted at 1:39 AM on Monday, July 27th, 2020

Oy. My XH is like this as well.

About a month after I was forced out of the house due to him bringing the whore into it, he decided to buy our oldest a car. I got a call from her, frantic, asking if I knew her social security number. Of course I did, but that wasn't the point. The point was that he had done research and called in cars to the local Carmax, taken her for multiple test drives, and not once before they drove down there or before sitting down with the sales person to fill everything out did he think about the info he would need to make it happen.

The kicker is, they're actually my step kids. But I'm the one who has copies of all of their important documents in protected files on my phone. And he, their father, has no clue about any of that info

You've still got quite a few years to go of this coparenting business. And I'm sure documents and insurance info etc. will have to be updated, and you'll have to communicate that with her. It sucks man. I'm NC, but you don't have that luxury. My best advice is to try to laugh at it.

I already know he was on the verge of a temper tantrum of epic proportions, and that's why she called me in such a panic. Every minor inconvenience, even of his own making, was always a 5 alarm fire with him. Not my circus, not my monkeys, but I would be lying if it didn't make me laugh a little thinking about the aneurysm he was giving himself over his own idiot move

BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction

Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.

Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.

posts: 830   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2018   ·   location: CA
id 8566808
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 barcher144 (original poster Member #54935) posted at 3:28 PM on Saturday, August 1st, 2020

I'm sorry about the slow reply. I work a second job as a handyman for a rental management company and that job has blown up in the last week. One of the other handymen quit suddenly, two of the other guys got sick, and it's the end of the month so there were a bunch of turnovers (i.e., old tenant moved out, so we have to get the place ready for the new tenant).

I'm curious what parenting app you're using.

We use OurFamilyWizard. I don't remember the cost but it's around $100 per year. My attorney strongly recommended it.

When I mentioned to my STBXW that I wanted to communicate using a parenting app, she initially did her controlling thing where she demanded first approval. I told her we were going to use this App and she capitulated. I think that it's pretty much the gold standard for parenting apps.

So far, I think that it's okay. It isn't the most user friendly but it works. Everything is stored indefinitely and it is all court-admissible.

One thing that I don't like about it is the "activities section." My STBXW will post several upcoming activities at the same time, which is her official notice to me of something upcoming. I get a message from the app saying that there is a new activity but it doesn't tell me the date, the time, or describe the activity. I can log onto the system using my laptop and there is a description of the activity, but I haven't been able to figure out how to find it on my phone.

Anyway, I like having the app and I am about to have pay another $100+ for another year of service and I will do so gladly. STBXW is a real piece of shit and she likes to "revise history" and keeping 100% of our communication in one place is really helpful. It's not super common, but she'll occasionally twist something for her nefarious purposes and it makes it easy to go back and find the original communication and show her the truth (she's tried, for example, to get me to pay the same medical bill more than once).

Me: BH, age 47
Her: WS, age 44 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5097   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8569013
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 barcher144 (original poster Member #54935) posted at 3:34 PM on Saturday, August 1st, 2020

I already know he was on the verge of a temper tantrum of epic proportions, and that's why she called me in such a panic. Every minor inconvenience, even of his own making, was always a 5 alarm fire with him. Not my circus, not my monkeys, but I would be lying if it didn't make me laugh a little thinking about the aneurysm he was giving himself over his own idiot move

There is a German word for the part that I italicized: Schadenfreude. It's one of my favorite words.

I've mostly gotten used to STBXW's tantrums and other B.S. I've basically learned to assume that everything that she says is a lie or only partially truthful. It took a lot of therapy to get to here and even now... I use my girlfriend as a "reality check" on a somewhat regular basis.

I am also pretty careful to limit the "poking of the bear", which is so much fun... but it makes things harder on the kids.

Me: BH, age 47
Her: WS, age 44 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5097   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8569015
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J707 ( Member #63778) posted at 4:22 PM on Saturday, August 1st, 2020

She then responded that I should have sent the dental card months ago.

Of course you should have, you big meanie pants. Typical switch the blame. Or she could have just said "Thanks" but NO.

posts: 1104   ·   registered: May. 14th, 2018   ·   location: Ca
id 8569025
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Butforthegrace ( Member #63264) posted at 4:52 PM on Saturday, August 1st, 2020

Schadenfreude

Freude comes from the German "Freuden", which doesn't have an exact English analog. It combines the sense of joy, delight, and pleasure.

The famous classical music composition "An die Freude" is often translated as "Ode to Joy", but that doesn't really constitute a literal translation. It actually means something more like: "About the feeling of pleasurable delight".

Schaden refers to something that is "too bad", or "a pity". Typically it would not be used to describe something that is truly tragic. Rather, it refers to the minor annoyances and mishaps that can plague one in life. Step on a rake and hit yourself in the nuts with the handle: "Das ist schade." It's a pity. Fall off a roof and impale yourself on a rake, killing yourself. Nobody would use "schade" for that.

So Schadendfruede is a sense of amusement or delight in the annoying fuck-ups of somebody else that makes their life more difficult than it needs to be.

"The wicked man flees when no one chases."

posts: 3771   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2018   ·   location: Midwest
id 8569034
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 barcher144 (original poster Member #54935) posted at 2:52 AM on Wednesday, August 5th, 2020

Best response ever to one of my posts! Thank you for all of the extra information!!!

Me: BH, age 47
Her: WS, age 44 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5097   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8570383
Topic is Sleeping.
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