I'm no therapist, but your posts certainly ring like SA - there are online tests you can take, but the compulsion to look at porn or women, the creativity (and rationalizations) to find ways around the "porn" label, and continuing to act on that compulsion despite the harm you know it's causing all sound pretty classic SA tendencies.
Is your IC a CSAT (certified sex addiction therapist)? If you are able to find one in your area, I would highly recommend that. One of the 1st things a CSAT (or IC skilled in SA and relational betrayal trauma) will do is work with you to do a complete written timeline of your indiscretions. Then it can be provided to your BW (usually in a joint session with a therapist - or two) followed by a polygraph. That is kind of the standard protocol for SA. If you are completely honest and pass the poly, it can go a long way toward rebuilding trust with your BW.
My WH's CSAT recommended a book called Help.Her.Heal by Carol J. Sheets. It's a workbook about building empathy after the fallout from a dday. I read it and it looked reasonably helpful to me.
Delving into shame and finding some tools to cope with shame may also be helpful. It's a giant barrier for most WS, and esp for SA. Learn about the differences between healthy guilt and paralyzing (and narcissistic) shame. I'm a big fan of Brene Brown, and she has a great audio of a series of speeches called "the Power of Vulnerability" that kind of condenses her first few books (I got it through my library's online books/Hoopla). But frankly, I think just starting with reading anything by Brene Brown can shed some light into shame and what a harmful barrier it is to real connection.
And as you feel stronger, you can learn about relational betrayal trauma - to help you truly "get" and understand just how devastating it can be for your BW.
Attachment theory also plays an important part in being a WS and esp SA. There are also online tests you can take to try and learn about your attachment style and can help form a foundation from which you can work toward earning a more secure attachment and strategies to address the knee-jerk reactions you may have to things like vulnerability and honesty.
"not because she's opposed to sex or even sexual images but because I again deceived her and because I had hurt her with this kind of behavior"
One thing to contemplate is what it is you enjoy about the secrecy - about the lies involved in acting out (IOW, if your wife is OK with this, what do you get out of lying to her about it?)
And I really would look into finding a group geared toward SA. I believe they are now all online/phone bc of covid, so there should not be an issue finding a meeting time that works for you, given it doesn't have to be in your home town. It may take a bit to navigate getting the login/call in info (it's all volunteer and they work hard to maintain their anonymity), but once you are able to start, you can search for a sponsor who can help you become accountable to yourself (and your BW) and navigate the journey through SA.
[This message edited by gmc94 at 12:28 PM, July 13th, 2020 (Monday)]