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Stuck

January2222 posted 6/26/2020 20:07 PM

Here I am still. I have remained in this relationship if you can call it that. I'm sure hes still seeing ap. I feel stuck. I'm having alot of stomach issues. I'm so stuck on needing the truth I've lost sight of what's best for me.

nekonamida posted 6/26/2020 20:26 PM

January, you don't need to catch him in the act. You know he was looking online for NSA sex. You know he had unexplained absences when he claimed to be working overtime. You know he was with at least one OW. And now you know he's back with her. What more truth could you possibly need to make a decision about where to go from here?

Get an IC. Explore why you choose to accept this disrespect from him. Explore why you accept lies from him and aren't comfortable laying out boundaries with him. Find out how you can get yourself to a place where you are comfortable leaving if he is still cheating and won't give you what you need to heal.

The1stWife posted 6/26/2020 21:28 PM

Do you have a support team for yourself?

aussiemel posted 6/26/2020 21:53 PM

Hi January,

You sound a lot like me. I stayed. Initially even when I knew it was true, I decided I needed to have proof. So I stayed and hired a PI. $30k later and still no proof, I stayed. Then I caught him out myself. And after d-day 1 I stayed as he then convinced the therapists and me that he was going to change.

That didn't happen. I've had never-ending appointments with doctors, dietician, nutritionist etc due to constant stomach problems.
My GP said to me yesterday when I told her about d-day 2 "he is killing you slowly, all these stomach problems are anxiety related".

I'm in process of finally leaving him now, not sticking around for d-day 3, 4 or 5.

Too many red flags, too many whores, too much crap.

You deserve better, so do I. We both need to move on :)

January2222 posted 6/26/2020 22:08 PM

I also looked at his phone. It said he left at 115 and he arrived home after 300. Its a fifty min drive. Wtf. He said he left at two. Even after caught he lies. I really believe he hates me. These past three years have been hell since all o f it started.

January2222 posted 6/27/2020 07:02 AM

I'm leaving. I just got off the phone with domestic hotline. They are connecting me with family law. I seriously feel I will die if I stay with him. I'm a nervous wreck and feel mentally spiritually and physically unwell. I've made my decision. I can't do the dance with him and the pathetic pick me game. He did love me he didn't choose me like he said.

I'm sad but alittle relieved

pearlamici posted 6/27/2020 08:18 AM

You deserve better than this... He'll never change, he does not show love towards you in any way. Please take all steps necessary to get yourself and your son safe and away from this man.

rugswept posted 6/27/2020 11:31 AM

You cannot start your new life without ending the one you had.

Some things that end bring grief.
Other things that end bring freedom.

nekonamida posted 6/27/2020 12:58 PM

Good for you, January! I still think you should get an IC and prevent yourself from getting back with him or dating another man just like him.

josiep posted 6/27/2020 13:36 PM

January, you've done the right thing and just remember that you've already been through the worst parts and survived it. Even though you will have tough days ahead, they'll be better than today.

You are heading in the right direction now. Keep posting here because so many of us have gone through the same thing and we'll help you all we can.

Deep breath now and forward you march. Lots of caring thoughts are being sent to you.

January2222 posted 6/27/2020 16:38 PM

What is a 1c??

nekonamida posted 6/27/2020 17:25 PM

Individual counselor

The1stWife posted 6/27/2020 18:30 PM

Not having to live with the anxiety he Causes will be a game changer for you.

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