Hi Ascott, so sorry that you've had to join us here. Infidelity sucks.
His affair (A) had nothing to do with you - it was all about him. My unfaithful husband's (UH's) affair partner (AP) weighed more than 100 pounds more than me. It had nothing to do with your looks, or your perceived lack of anything. It was all about him. It does knock you down for a while, but please practice self-love - you're worth it.
At the top of the forum is a pinned thread for new people, so please read it. It's like a primer for this crazy journey you'll be on.
The yellow box in the upper left corner has The Healing Library, another source of lots of wisdom.
But - is he really your best friend? Do best friends treat each other the way he's treated you? He didn't make a mistake - he made a deliberate, conscious decision to have at least 1 A. A mistake is forgetting to grab milk when you go to the store. It isn't like, "Oops! Sorry! My dick accidentally fell into her vagina." He lied to you, used marital assets to take a trip to VA Beach.
The way he's treated you - is that how you want to be treated? At 32, you are relatively young. Do you want to be treated the same way for another 40-50 years?
You don't have to decide what you want to do today, tomorrow, or even next week. I waited about 18 months to decide. My soon to be ex-wayward husband (STBXWH) groped somebody, and that was the deal-breaker for me. We've been married for 33 years.
The pain & the thoughts? They won't for awhile. You'll be on an emotional rollercoaster ride. If you can, find somebody who works with betrayal trauma and begin individual counseling (IC). Your wayward husband (WH) should have a separate IC for his brokenness. The IC works on you, then a (separate) marriage counselor (MC) would be to rebuild the marriage - if that's the route you wish to take.
If your WH doesn't want to do any work on himself, or doesn't want to do what it takes to make you feel safe, then you should think about what options you have.
[This message edited by leafields at 3:26 PM, June 23rd (Tuesday)]