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This week is my new beginning

demolishedinside posted 4/11/2020 06:57 AM

My D will be final this week. Iím still grieving an intact family and having help around the house, but I feel more at ease and calmer, even being quarantined with my crazy kids.

Weíve managed to co-parent pretty well right now. The kids like going to his place, and Iím learning to enjoy the time I have. I make myself a steak and binge watch shows my kids canít watch

I donít know how any of you date again. I am sure everyone says that after all of this, but honestly, I donít go out a lot (well, when there isnít a pandemic) and Iím not interested in an app. I figured Iíd spend a long while just finding small things that make me happy.

Dem

WhoTheBleep posted 4/11/2020 07:34 AM

Congratulations on making it to the other side, Demolished!!

You should absolutely not date again until you are happy alone. No man will complete you. Complete yourself, so that when you do begin dating again, you will actually have something to offer. Embrace this time with your kids and this time on your own getting to know yourself again. Go for long walks, bike rides, Netflix, etc. Catch up with friends and family. Once we are able to leave our houses, go out with friends and family. Build yourself from the inside out, until you are overflowing. Then consider dating if you choose. This is your new beginning! Yaaaayyy!! You make all of the rules. You get to do whatever you want without checking in with anyone. It's pretty amazing!

Okokok posted 4/11/2020 09:42 AM

Iím not interested in an app.

Just curious. Why?

I love the apps. Honestly could not imagine meeting people (other than naturally in day-to-day life) any other way, as I don't go out "looking" either. I don't go to bars or anything.

That said, I'm quite aware that the experience on dating apps is *vastly* different on the other side of the aisle. I don't have to worry about getting unsolicited pics of genitalia, e.g.

I just like that there's a no-pressure (for me) space where I can see the other single people in my area who may be up for a date.

And congrats on the D! I remember those days you're describing, doing whatever you want, binge watching the shows, etc.! Like a breath of fresh air :)

[This message edited by Okokok at 11:35 AM, April 11th (Saturday)]

BearlyBreathing posted 4/11/2020 15:01 PM

Hey Demó
So glad to hear you are feeling some peace. One of the biggest ďwinsĒ for me was no longer having the constant anxiety from walking on eggshells all the time.

As for dating, Iím not there yet, but I do feel the tide is turning. It takes time to heal from the wounds. A D being final is just one step in that process.

Keep healing, keep growing, and enjoy those shows!

demolishedinside posted 4/11/2020 18:56 PM

Okokok,
Iím not certain. Part of it is that the A was all through Facebook and hidden messages. There will be lots for me to unpack...still. I just lack trust. Iíve watched people get hurt several times through the apps. I donít know. I just donít think I can do it. Surely, it will be a long time.

Trauma. Apparently, itís still there. No worries. Iím still in therapy. 😂

Okokok posted 4/12/2020 07:43 AM

Okokok,
Iím not certain. Part of it is that the A was all through Facebook and hidden messages. There will be lots for me to unpack...still. I just lack trust. Iíve watched people get hurt several times through the apps. I donít know. I just donít think I can do it. Surely, it will be a long time.

Trauma. Apparently, itís still there. No worries. Iím still in therapy. 😂

This makes great sense. I think you're right: there really *is* a lot of shallowness out there on the dating apps, and I know people who have been hurt that way, too.

Netflix and steak for now

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