SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm usually the loudest voice to tell members here to take time to heal after heartbreak before dating again. But f*** it. I'm diving back in. I've lost decades of my life to cheaters already. Not one more minute.

I took some updated photos of myself (using my tripod and cell phone) and updated my OLD profile. (I also updated my Facebook profile pic. Which I hardly ever do. And never with a photo of my face. I got a huge reaction, because the photo came out great and nobody is used to actually seeing me, lol. So I got plenty of ego kibbles for myself and external validation which I normally don't give a shit about. I'll admit, it felt good in the midst of my heartbreak.)

Anywhoo... I reactivated my dating profile, and again it was like jumping into a shark tank. And yes, the same platform exSO is on, so I know he has seen me there. Good.

(Funny story, when I put in my search parameters, I get like 50 results in a 50 mile radius. 2 are ex SO and his best friend. The other 48 look like serial killers.)

A good friend met her boyfriend on Facebook dating. So I tried that. I've had two very great texting conversations with two men, and have lined up a date with each of them for this coming week.

Resilience. A positive side of surviving infidelity. Definitely taking it slow and not looking for anything serious. I'm just not going to sit home and cry into my coffee mug while SO is trolling, and has been for months.

Yes breaking my own rules, but I don't care. Mehhhhh.... And not caring, that should be a good attitude to go into dating. Meet people and have fun. I'm done being sad. I've been sad for years and years and years. No. More. I'm. Done.

Cheaters can bite me.

That is all.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 8:52 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)]

Hey, go for it.

I know everyone says not to do it, work on you, but I found OLD infinitely healing. Hearing my body was beautiful, being pursued...I seriously never thought that was possible, because I’d been so beat down by him.

I am careful to keep it very casual, ie I’m just a total slut and that’s super fun 😂 because I know I am nowhere near ready and may never be for a serious relationship or trusting anyone. And that’s ok. The very first post-asshat man actually fell in love with me, and it really sucked to have to break it off because I’m not ready for that, but it was the right thing to do. So just be careful to keep boundaries that are healthy, whatever those may be.

Yes breaking my own rules

Rules Schmules. Guess who gets to be the rule-maker these days? That's right - Bleepy does.

I'm ever so glad you're going to do what feels right for you...but just as I mentioned in your other thread about checking in with the man in your life (however that is defined), make sure you continue to check in with yourself as well from time to time. Take your own temperature - make sure you're feeling all healthy and good to go. And nothing wrong with taking those sick days also if it all feels like too much.

I know I know...my tagline is about leaps of faith and all that crap - I just don't want you feeling puny if an asshat crosses your path again.

[This message edited by Chili at 11:21 AM, February 20th (Thursday)]

I requested my x move out and filed for a D within the first two months of D Day. That goes against the “rules” and I don’t regret it at all.

Hope these Facebook dates work out. Keep us posted

Just make sure you keep us posted of your dating adventures!!

There is no "perfect time" at which heart, gonads, brain and spirit align to say "It's time!!!"

Have fun! I went too soon into it, I suppose, but I met my current partner, who is in the process of moving in with me, so bully!

I was thinking of starting a new thread titled "Bleep's dating adventures," but I might burn out after this week. Sooo...

Thanks to post-infidelity Google detective sleuthing skills, I was able to verify that both of these men are who they say they are.

Man #2 is a BS...and as it turns out, I'm marginally acquainted with his EXWW (he doesn't know this). In fact, post my DDay, she was having a lengthy conversation with my STBX, and I walked over because he was taking forever and I was bothered by how chummy they looked. I remember wondering at the time if she was one of his OW that I never found out about, because she is very attractive and just his type(as in, she has a vagina). Imagine she is?? (I'll never know, so letting that go) This all clicked last night. What a small world... I see him staying in the friend zone for a while, as it is still early on for him, relative to me. And I'm not keen on being a rebound, or either of us regretting anything. I'll keep you posted.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 2:26 PM, February 20th (Thursday)]

Bleep you crack me up...

The other 48 look like serial killers.

How serialist of you... You don't *know* they want to wear your skin as a hat unless you give them a chance to fuck up Bleep.

because she is very attractive and just his type(as in, she has a vagina).

I am deaded.

What is Facebook dating?

Chrysalis, it is brand new, late 2019 launch. And very glitchy. In fact the two men I am talking to quickly switched to texting/talking because it's really annoying to access on the app.

In the Facebook app, if you go to the three lines in the upper right hand corner and click, you'll see a list of options. One is a heart. That's Dating.

I've actually already hid in my profile (after 2 whole days) because the filters absolutely suck. They're sending me matches that have absolutely nothing to do with what I'm looking for. Like not even close. I figure I already found two relatively normal guys that I might consider dating. How many more do I need?

A friend of mine met her current boyfriend on there. She's the one who told me about it.

Good for you. Sometimes we just have to be intentional about it. Accept each moment as it happens and not think, "Is this the one? Is this the game changer?" That's the hardest part, in my own experience.

I’m intrigued by this Facebook dating! If you do this, can your Facebook friends see you are trying to date? I wouldn’t like that. But if it’s private, then.. for sure gonna give that a try!

What other OLD site did you try?

I’m right there with you on jumping back in. I’m my case, I want to at least wait till the D is final. But after that... yup. Gonna go for it.

Good for you on giving it a go!!! It’s gotta feel a little like taking your power back. I’m rooting for you!

Sickandafraid, your FB friends cannot see you on there. Anyone on your friends list is automatically blocked.

And yes, I do feel like I'm taking my power back. Just because people hurt us and break our hearts doesn't mean we can't get right back out there living our fabulous lives.

Side note: I haven't seen EXSO on (Match) for a couple of days. So I'm guessing he is fed up and hid his profile. I had told him when we broke up, and he agreed, he's never going to find anyone like me, much less better.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 7:42 AM, February 21st (Friday)]

Meeting #1, over coffee, was not a match. I had suspected it wouldn't be, but I went anyway because I have yet to be on a date that didn't pan out, and I wanted to go through it at least once. We had a nice conversation, it was over in 40 minutes, and I could tell there was not a connection on either side. Check that off the list.

Meet #2 (felt more like a date as it was over happy hour...and lasted 4 hours) went very well. This was the BS who is pretty fresh off his divorce. DDay was only a few months ago, after having been separated a couple of months before that. He filed immediately. We talked and texted for a week before the date. And we've texted everyday since. So the interest is there, as well as mild flirting which I admit I'm enjoying.

Not sure what to make of him. There's a definite physical attraction that goes both ways, which may become problematic as we both stated we wanted to be friends first. I'm thinking fat chance of that if we keep seeing each other. Date 2 is scheduled for Tuesday. Stay tuned...

How did I get here again? Feel like I'm on a ride that is equal parts exciting and scary. And I'm not quite sure which is stronger. But I'm curious to see where it's going so I stay on...

There's a definite physical attraction that goes both ways, which may become problematic as we both stated we wanted to be friends first.

I hope he has excellent problem solving skills and you become great friends ....soon.

Feel like I'm on a ride that is equal parts exciting and scary. And I'm not quite sure which is stronger. But I'm curious to see where it's going so I stay on.

Well phrased, I am in complete agreement.

I wish you the best.

[This message edited by Ripped62 at 2:58 AM, March 2nd (Monday)]