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reddawn212 (original poster member #48371) posted at 7:39 PM on Monday, February 17th, 2020
It has been three years since my breakup with my former WWBF. I am really struggling to let someone in again. It is like I have this huge wall up and I want to let it down but it feels impossible. I am frustrated with myself. I hate admitting defeat and I feel defeated by my own protective mechanisms. It is like a button was pressed on my first DDAY and I do not know how to undo it .. I promised my sons I would never again allow someone so deceitful and harmful into our world but I find myself lost in not trusting my own instincts. Help .. any advise is wanted. How do you love again after going through so much hell ..
Me - 44BGF
Him - 50 XWBF
DDAY1 - December 19, 2014 (EA and PA)
DDAY 2 Feb 2015 - another OW online sex
DDay 3 June 9, 2015 (caught him on craigslist)
TT and False R revealed, April 2017.
"We repeat what what we don't repair"
mitz66 ( member #17888) posted at 2:07 AM on Tuesday, February 18th, 2020
Hi Reddawn. I feel in a similar boat. I did put myself out there and I am dating a guy for 11 months now. I have my wall up and I don’t trust and I am going with the actions speak louder than words. I also have checked his phone, which he gave me the password. I am trying. It is scary and exhilarating at the same time. I am in the space of do I keep going or bail because I am scared of my picker... I look forward to others giving you some advice.
Only you will know when you are ready though. Hang in there!
Me:50/55. BS Him:48 XWH/55 xwbfMarried almost 10 years/ 3 yr rel3 adult kids/ 2 adult kids1st DDay 2 wks after marriage/ Mar 105 OW's and false R's/ 1+ OW’s? April 2017 Divorced/ ended rel Mar 16No second chances ever again!
KaleidoscopePic ( member #65725) posted at 4:56 AM on Thursday, February 20th, 2020
It is so hard to trust again, and it is so easy to keep the walls up. I found myself self-sabotaging potential relationships out of fear. But there is a book I recommend you read before you try to get into another relationship. It revolutionized the entire way I look at relationships. It is a book called Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships by Chip Ingram. You can get it on Amazon. See what happens when you approach dating the way he outlines to do it. It could make a world of differrence in how you do dating this time around, and the way he outlines it there's not that pressure we feel when we're searching for Mr. Right. The way it begins is a lot safer, and you don't have to have your walls up so much. Hope this helps!
hopefullife ( member #71881) posted at 2:54 PM on Monday, February 24th, 2020
By loving yourself first. Strength comes from within.
Honestly, I don't know either. I feel strong enough to conquer death defying adventures but when it comes to matters of the heart I cower at even the thought of it.
10 yrs together. 2 yrs married. No kids.
2 Ddays. H living with OW and their child.
Focusing on self.
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