SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just checking in on you?

And can I say - what a piece of work this x-CO is!?!?!!? He has some kahunas to be coming back there knowing what he did. Geez!!!!!

In the end, you need to do what is right for you. I think after a couple weeks with him on the job; you will have a clearer picture if you can deal with this or if you have to make a break.

How is your overall healing going? You are a little over two years from the official D so you are still on the lower end of the 3-5 year guestimated healing timeline. Crap like this definitely makes your path more challenging.

Ugh!

I don't have any advice but I just want to acknowledge what happened to you is totally wrong. I can imagine you must have a lot of anxiety and anger about AP being nearby in a place where you should feel safe. I myself am irrational by the prospect of AP being anywhere near me and resent any suggestion that I should be "over it." No, nor should you be. What happened to you was a terrible betrayal and perhaps what may worsen your anxiety is that some people may have or express impossible expectations that you should be over it by now. You should not and if I could hold your soul in my hands and offer comfort I would.

If it were me I’d at least talk to a lawyer about suing for hostile workplace or something like that. See if there are options. Perhaps a settlement would make leaving more palatable.

Well thank you all for your support!! It really does help to hear from you guys. So far, I’m pretty much relegated to my designated area as he will have access throughout the building and I really don’t want to be in close proximity. At all!

Still removed from most of my co workers and friends. I am super grateful to have support from a couple of friends here that have reached out to me.

My work life kinda does suck. Management changed my schedule to 7-4 to minimize any interaction. As cool as it sounds to get out early, it’s hard to get here early. I’m trying to adjust. Still waiting on my IC to get back from his bereavement leave.

My healing towards her is as good as I think it’ll be. I believe I’m mostly indifferent towards her and her family. I still hold some disappointment. But I’m doing well when it comes to her. Especially since I don’t see her. I still get a little bit of a trigger when I see babies.

Seeing him, hearing about him has really brought on all the hurt, anger, rage, etc that I’d felt towards him before.

I’ve been seeing that girl I had a date with recently. It’s been really nice to feel that again. DDay was almost exactly 4 years ago, March 16. This has been a good distraction.

I’m also keeping myself super occupied, trying to focus on our trip. It’s in June. I went and looked at an RV this weekend. I’m really excited to be doing this trip!!! It gave me hope for the future when I had none. For so long. Been planning this for a year and a half.

[This message edited by ShesNotMine at 12:24 PM, February 24th (Monday)]

I'm late to the party... but I'm rooting for you to find a way to stick it out. Or leave when something better comes along, completely unrelated to this guy. Don't give him that power. He's nobody.

I'm excited to hear about your camping trip. I went camping for many years as a kid and really enjoyed it!

You say all of the rage, hurt, and anger is focused on him. It should really be on your XW for her poor choices. Maybe something to explore in IC? Have you been able to get an appointment yet??

So, if there was a silver lining in all this.......

I’m hearing from several of my co workers that everyone is avoiding him. No one really talks to him. I’ve not asked anyone to do any such thing but I have to say, it’s helped me with my trust issues with my co workers. It was hard to trust after the initial A, since he was a co worker at that time. This support from them makes me so grateful.

I got out of the building today and went on a special detail. I had to go to where her building is. I went by the area she was working and saw her thru the window. She saw me and turned away immediately.

I honestly felt ok. It’s been a long time since I had seen her. I was taken aback just slightly by seeing her. A quick reminder of someone who was special to me at a point in time. Now, no longer is. And I really don’t care anymore. I’m really surprised that I was just fine walking by and being ok. I imagined I was feeling indifferent towards her. Now I felt it.

I’m it helps knowing and seeing first hand that none of this was about me and whatever shortcomings she’d said about me. I can see it now. Especially hearing about their dynamics.

Three months after DDay 1, the AP started working at my place of business, where I had worked for 12 years at that point. She knew I worked there when she applied. I tried to stick it out for 3 years. It wore me down, and even though I loved my job and the seniority and respect I had, my mental health was so much more important.

Plus one of those days, she was going to accidentally fall down the stairs.

I love my new job, I love the culture, I love not thinking about bludgeoning someone to death with my bare fists every day.

EDIT: I'd say give it a few months (don't suffer for 3 years like I did!) put out some feelers for other jobs or positions while sizing up the situation. If you decide you can handle it, great, but if it becomes too much, you'll have a head start on getting a new job.

[This message edited by Trapped74 at 4:30 PM, February 26th (Wednesday)]

I imagined I was feeling indifferent towards her. Now I felt it.

Such a good feeling. It takes time, but it gets better. Small steps and when you realize you have taken a small step it feels so good!! I think you have taken huge steps though...

Thank you trapped and betrayed. I have that in mind now. It does suck to have changed my schedule, actively do everything I can to avoid him. It’s kinda cumbersome and feels a little juvenile but seriously, I’ve wanted to see him suffer physically. I’m doing my best to get to a point and not care. Not quite there.

It Sounds like you’re good for now at least. Thankfully your coworkers have the right mindset.

Goes to show you how stupid upper management can be.

Be thankful you dumped your X and at least got that out of your life.

[This message edited by Marz at 3:18 PM, February 27th (Thursday)]

I still would encourage you to at least meet with a lawyer to see if there is any case for you to do anything in the legal system to improve the situation, especially because management knew about the situation and still hired him.

It would be good to know if there are any options and how they might help.

[This message edited by Stevesn at 7:02 AM, March 1st (Sunday)]