Tomorrow it will be three years since I confronted XWH about his affair and became a different person. I am still becoming, I guess. Taking stock. Sometimes I think I should be farther along. Here's a brief update:
Just before Thanksgiving my XWH and AP were in terrible car accident. They were in a shock trauma hospital for 10 days. XWH broke every rib. AP broke a lot of bones and sustained a head injury. Even though she has health insurance and car insurance (and the accident was not their fault), there has been Go Fund Me page set up for her. The site asked for $30 thousand. They have only raised $5,000 and some change. I doubt either one will be the same after this accident. Their injuries, while not serious, will take a while to heal. Just weeks before this happened XWH totaled his car in an accident that actually was his fault. His life and business are in chaos, but he pretends everything is well and he's prosperous. He is self employed in a business that never really took off.
All this to say he struggles, still.
I am a year and a half into a relationship. BF lives near me and is only 6 years older. He's kind and companionable and very good to DD. I respect him, though he's emotionally unavailable sometimes and recently confessed to me that at 62 he doesn't have much desire left and has trouble in the equipment department. This is challenging for me -- particularly my self esteem and need for validation. Then again, not every problem needs to be solved at once (I tell myself).
Sometimes on this site I read about people who say that after a period of healing and recovery they believe the infidelity ended up being the best thing that ever happened to them. Some days I feel that. Other days I get a little nostalgic for the days when I believed in the possibility of XWH. I still remember what it felt like when he loved me and I wish that could be erased sometimes -- the memory of him and how he would turn to me with nothing but love. All that then, poof. It's gone. So that's a struggle.
