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Turning points

CatsNTats posted 10/3/2019 18:23 PM

This past Monday I changed my phone number. I'm now fully committed to NC. And I need to be. He hasn't left me alone and I left 7 weeks ago. Full blown - obsession.

I called one of my STBXWH oldest friends on Sunday - someone he considers a brother. I let him know it was over and what all has transpired - that I'm done. I let him know his friend is living like a homeless man, eating out of cold cans of spaghetti O's, unshaven/trimmed, un-showered, unemployed, drunk, living in his own filth, and trying to die. I've only ever seen one other person do this - destroy their entire life.

Three years ago when I went to his friends for help they all treated me as if I was crazy. Offered HIM a place to stay then (which he will probably need soon now - and I told that friend he could let the one who offered know). Spoke about me behind my back.

His friend came in to town after our talk to see him. His friend apologized me to profusely afterward for not listening the first time or the other times over the years. His friend said he and the rest of them failed him, not me. That they should've listened and after seeing him he believes everything I've said. Well - I fucking told them.

He said I put up with more than I should have and didn't deserve it (I know that). But to a degree - it felt good to show him that I am not crazy, I did not make things up. That they were deceived - by the same addict that I was.

So, here's the thing. It wasn't for the "I told you so", although, it did feel good to clear my name from the "crazy" he made them believe I was, but I needed to do this so I could go NC.

I needed someone else to know what kind of state he is in, see it, and believe it. I needed someone else to step in so I could fully step away.

Yes, he's done terrible things to me. But me, being me, I don't just stop caring for someone. I had to do this for me.

My mind still feels all screwed up - like an abused woman brain that feels bad for thinking and doing things that should no longer affect how I feel. Like guilt or something. I know it will take time to feel right again. I know he did this to me and I know I haven't done anything wrong. I know it's time for NC so that I can start to heal that part of me.

My confidence is coming back - little by little. Helps that I found someone for some NSA fun. Old flirtation that was never pursued. We worked together (and I don't shit where I eat) and we both wound up with other people back then. But now that we have escaped our adulterous and abusive spouses, we're about to finally have at each other.

I'm nervous. and excited. A little scared. But not seeking anything serious and I've known him since we worked together for 3 years a few years back. Feels less risky than a "dating" site.

So - yeah. That's my week. A little emotional - on the ex end, but also exciting on the NSA end.

[This message edited by CatsNTats at 6:28 PM, October 3rd (Thursday)]

WhoTheBleep posted 10/3/2019 18:35 PM

You are doing well, cats! You're getting stronger everyday.

Have fun with NSA guy!! We expect a full report... Okay maybe not full, Just let us know if you enjoyed yourself

DevastatedDee posted 10/4/2019 09:16 AM

I relate to this, Cats. My XWH has apparently decreed that he will not socialize with friends and family or get a job until I talk to him. He is holding his breath until he turns blue, basically. I suspect he's not socializing with his family and friends because he has relapsed on drugs and luckily for him, he can blame that on me because I won't speak to him.

I feel badly for his parents because he's living in an apartment over their garage. I feel badly for my stepdaughter, whom he hasn't communicated with because clearly she's not a priority.

I feel like I should feel badly for him because he's pretty pathetic, but I can't. Even if I could, I'd fight it. There were nights I felt badly for his poor drug addicted self when he was fucking twin prostitutes and having threesomes with them and another. So I was home crying while he was fucking whores. He wasn't having a bad time and he didn't deserve my pity. He was doing exactly what he wanted to do. He's a grown man. If he is choosing to isolate himself and stay unemployed and living off his parents, well...that's what he clearly wants to do. It is not my problem nor my business. I am not his mom and he is not a child.

Congrats on your new hookup! I swear that did wonders for me! I hope it is as good for you!

barcher144 posted 10/4/2019 17:56 PM

My mind still feels all screwed up - like an abused woman brain that feels bad for thinking and doing things that should no longer affect how I feel.

The only thing wrong about this is that you are NOT "like" an abused woman brain that feels bad for thinking and doing things that should no affect how you feel.

I'm sorry but you *are* an abused woman. It's emotional abuse, plain and simple. You probably need to take your time and heal from it.

I have been out of my STBX's web for a year and I am still finding old wounds that I did not know existed. Go easy on yourself.

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