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Am I the ahole?

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EvenKeel posted 7/13/2019 09:01 AM

She blames everything on me, that I hurt her and her children and I am a terrible person and I won't talk to her anymore.

Alpha - This woman is not ready to be in a healthy relationship. SHE HURT HER CHILDREN. She moved her abused DD into a foreign household (meaning your R is very new). She should have been looking for a place that would be her DD's safe place. THIS IS NOTHING AGAINST YOU....but there is no way she should have been moving those children into a house right after this trauma with some guy she just began dating four months ago.

You see the saying on there all the time about broken attracts broken. GENTLY - your D is still very raw. You need time to heal and get yourself healthy first. Many-many of us on here took that leap too soon in our NB and got our hearts crushed. So I am not condemning you at all. BTDT I actually found my "too soon" NB relationships to be VERY instrumental in my healing and NB. They were valuable lessons on what I wanted going forth and things not to do.

Take this as such a lesson. Keep working on yourself. And for gosh sakes, take a break from this woman. She has so much healing of her own to do. She has her own trauma right now and looked at you as her KISA. You can't fix that for her. She needs to do her own work. Her story makes me very sad.

But you keep moving ahead. You work on you. It is a long road but one I promise will be well worth it when you reach that light at the end of the tunnel.

Hang in there my friend!

Hope2B posted 7/15/2019 02:33 AM

You've received some good replies here, so I just want to add my two cents about this--if you think you're going to be in the way of meal prep etc, or if you think you will be of no help and everything is covered, OFFER TO HELP ANYWAY!

If you're told it's all good, ASK if there is anything you can do to help! If you're told no, it's all good, ASK AGAIN in 10 or 15 minutes! Most people appreciate this!

Maybe I misread but for someone to just plant their rear end somewhere while others are doing stuff like prepping a meal, OFFER TO HELP ANYWAY!

Tigersrule77 posted 7/18/2019 12:02 PM

I have to echo the other "wow"s. Clearly this woman has issues. On the bright side, you saw early on what the future would be like with this woman. Clearly she does not know how to be in a relationship. When she doesn't get what she wants, she attacks.

I can't imagine a woman who's daughter is being abused, and then moves said daughter in with someone she has only been dating for 4 months.

Sorry things went sour so quickly. Good for you for standing up for yourself. It is OK for you to tell someone what you need. If they can't respect that, then you know it isn't right.

ZenMumWalking posted 7/19/2019 08:53 AM

Alpha - DO. NOT. ENGAGE. There is no 'winning' any argument with her. You just need to detach while she is getting her ass out of your life.

I hope it goes quickly for you and that you find peace in your life.


AlphaSilvr posted 7/24/2019 12:35 PM

She moved out last weekend and has been very nice... to my face... well mostly nice.

A friend has been watching her FB account and she is calling me names and airing her crap on FB. OH well. She is gone and I am in the processing of cleaning my place (yes... its a process...) I have my own space again, I am much calmer and feel free again.

shakentocore posted 7/25/2019 11:54 AM

I can't imagine a woman who's daughter is being abused, and then moves said daughter in with someone she has only been dating for 4 months.

^^ This x100!

Tell your friend not to let you know what is going on with this woman's FB.

You need to heal and detach from this unhealthy relationship.

Ask yourself (via counseling, you need a professional!) what attracted you to this woman who is clearly so toxic. What caused you to ask a woman you had been dating FOUR MONTHS to live with you - when she had children! That alone is a red flag (even without the abuse of the daughter).

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