Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: Birthdaydiscovery

New Beginnings :
Got something I wasn't expecting

This Topic is Archived
default

 HappyTree (original poster member #56916) posted at 5:02 PM on Tuesday, May 28th, 2019

So, I posted just a week ago about going to Costa Rica and having a great time being solo. After that, I really accepted the fact that I will probability be single for the rest of my life and that I was OK with that. I didn't feel like I could fall in love, anyways.

Then the weekend happened. I was at a small festival and I met a guy on the first night. We decided to hang out and we both made it clear that this was not going to turn into anything serious. I've had these very quick, borderline one night stands a lot. I actually like them. I get to be with a guy, get some cuddles, we enjoy the best part of each other. Then by the end of the weekend I'm annoyed by him and we go our separate ways.

Well, needless to say, in just 3 nights I totally fell for this guy. He was just so cool and I feel like the 2 of us really meshed well with each other. He had all the things I was looking for in a relationship, except he lives 5 hours away.

And now I'm upset. I was fine being single but once I got a taste of being with someone I could actually like, I want more of that. I guess its a good reminder that there is someone out there for me, but its not him and that makes me sad.

This weekend totally threw me for a loop. Why can't I just have my life figured out by now?

Married 11 years
D-Day in October 2016
2 kids- 10 and 8

posts: 400   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2017   ·   location: Caribou, ME
id 8384407
default

WornDown ( member #37977) posted at 8:37 PM on Tuesday, May 28th, 2019

When you figure out how to figure out life...let me know the secret!

I've come to the conclusion that God/The Universe has plans for us and we'll eventually learn what those plans are...usually when we're done trying.

The two people I've dated since my divorce where I've REALLY been into them, I met soon after I said, "F this...I'm done dating for a while." Then...bam!

Me: BH (50); exW (49): Way too many guys to count. Three kids (D, D, S, all >20)Together 25 years, married 18; Divorced (July 2015)

I divorced a narc. Separate everything. NC as much as humanly possible and absolutely no phone calls. - Ch

posts: 3359   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2013   ·   location: Around the Block a few times
id 8384529
default

hopeandnohope ( member #43097) posted at 3:42 AM on Wednesday, May 29th, 2019

So, are you going to visit him? 5 hours away isn't too far for someone who travels to Costa Rica. Lol ke us posted!

DD 2013. Divorce final March 2015.

posts: 375   ·   registered: Apr. 14th, 2014
id 8384713
default

undertherug ( member #41580) posted at 11:39 AM on Wednesday, May 29th, 2019

If you met somewhere in the middle, it would only be two and a half hours away.

posts: 1077   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2013   ·   location: United States
id 8384782
default

WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 2:01 PM on Wednesday, May 29th, 2019

How does he feel? Is he still of the "not serious" camp? I get the impression this post is about you and you alone? If so, how about you don't set any "rules" for yourself. How about you just take life day by day. If you meet a ONS, fine. If you meet a fling, fine. If you meet someone that grows into more, and you're both on board, fine too. Just roll with it.

I'm dating a man for about a month, now. My "rules" were "nothing serious" and don't be all up in each others' sh**. Considering I have my kids 50% of the time, not being up in each other's s*** is happening naturally as we can't see each other everyday. However, he is a self-proclaimed serial-monogamist, as am I. He opens car doors for me, doors to buildings, we go out on actual dates, and he constantly holds my hand in public. He checks in in the morning and at night when we can't see each other. It feels very relationshipy, and I'm wondering how the hell I got here with all of my "rules". But you know what? I really like him. He is a gentleman, intelligent, has his s*** together financially and personally. I'm just rolling with it. Screw the rules, right? If it feels good, why over think it? Heck maybe this could turn into something.

I guess I'm saying just drop the rules and go with the flow. Keep your energy open to whatever comes your way. There could be a wonderful man out there for you that could fit perfectly into this next chapter of your life. Be open to it. That's one of my favorite things about this new chapter of my own life; the possibilities. Anything is possible, when not trapped in a miserable marriage with a cheater and abuser.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 8:01 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)]

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4526   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8384833
default

Hawke ( member #47517) posted at 6:22 PM on Wednesday, May 29th, 2019

Why can't I just have my life figured out by now?

Because it's a journey, not a destination.

I agree with WhoTheBleep. I've been seeing someone in a "casual, but exclusive" relationship for about a year and half. I have young kids; he has a teen and an adult child. Neither of us wants to blend that! We don't know what we might morph into in the future and we aren't pressuring each other to become something we aren't feeling.

Me: BS (b. '75)
Him: exWS (b. '76)
D-Day: April 2015
Together 10 years
2 kids: 2011 and 2014
Separated (no divorce required for common law couple in my jurisdiction)

posts: 2370   ·   registered: Apr. 13th, 2015   ·   location: Alberta, Canada
id 8384943
default

 HappyTree (original poster member #56916) posted at 2:28 PM on Thursday, May 30th, 2019

WhotheBleep- yes, this post was more about me and my feelings, not necessary his feelings or what he wants. I went from liking the single life to wanting something I can't have. I mean, even if he was interested, its not life I can just stop by his house after work for dinner. Now I'm reminded that maybe I do want something like that. Thats a tough pill to swallow.

We are talking about doing a little road trip this summer, in one of his VW buses! Like I said, he is a pretty cool guy. We will see what happens. I'm just going to take it one day at a time. But it is tough. I don't want to feel like I'm constantly searching for something I don't have. I just want to be happy and content with the life I was given.

Married 11 years
D-Day in October 2016
2 kids- 10 and 8

posts: 400   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2017   ·   location: Caribou, ME
id 8385391
default

WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 5:30 PM on Thursday, May 30th, 2019

Sounds like you've woken up out of your post-infidelity sleep. You want more than just occasional physical needs to be met. Welcome back!! You're just about on my schedule (except I was completely physically shut down for 1 1/2 years, until beach dad in January). Now this new man is expanding my possibilities for myself even more...a real relationship, perhaps?

Like I said, drop the rules. This VW road trip sounds amazing!! Go! Have fun!! See where it takes you! This guy might just be a stepping stone to another chapter...or this could develop into something more serious. You won't know until you go for it. In the meantime, keep dating. Keep living your life. You never know what's around the next bend. I'm excited for you!!

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4526   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8385507
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy