SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The OW still bothers me as I have this constant feeling she is laughing at me behind me back, as is everyone else in my past - sometimes present. A simple fb post from someone who emotionally abused me growing up - to someone else in a positive way about something I have also done well but have received zero acknowledgement about - sent me into a rather stupid tizzy.

I just happened to be scrolling through the internet last night and ended up in a site that explains how ADHD triggers Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.

Essentially, the wiring for the ADHD makes any actual or just perceived level of rejection painfully unbearable. And no amount of talk therapy can help since it is a biologically induced chemical flooding.

Anyway, the OW is what keeps me down still. Simply this idea that she is mocking me somehow- even if it is in her own head.

And I am fully aware of how ridiculous this is, what a waste of energy thought, blah blah blah, and maybe she actually feels bad. I don’t know. Do I want her to suffer? Yes, so indifference has certainly not been achieved.

But then my “abuser” popped up in my fb feed and I lost it. I took my ADHD meds and listened to some music, the mr took the kids and gave me some space to calm. It helped, but that nerve is still ringing a bit, and I realized I would much rather have some sort of justice over this person than the AP. Which, that’s a nice thing to learn, (AP, not my biggest hate, huh), but moreso that I have so much more growing to do.

To let someone who wasn’t even talking to me, isn’t even in my life anymore have so much power over me is just...pointless.

And then I opened my phone up and again this article was staring me in my face.

So, does anyone know of this? And if so, experience beating it? My biggest issue is rejection. And if this is one of the things that make it hard for me to heal, then I need to know more.

[This message edited by hopefulkate at 12:37 PM, April 7th (Saturday)]

This is a very interesting thought. I have ADHD as well and the thought of people thinking I am dumb or laughing at me is one of my great weaknesses as a person. Since dday I have been digging more into how this problem impacts my world view significantly as I believe it is the major contributor to me not forgiving myself for the affair.

The AP in my case was a supposed friend who decided she was a better fit for my husband than me and carried on the whole stupid shit while pretending everyday to be my friend. I imagine her just laughing at me behind my back about being able to pull the wool over my eyes and it eats at me.

I am working myself to let those feelings go and to stop giving her the headspace she doesn’t deserve. The only thing that has helped at all is to sort of go down the embarrassment rabbit hole with WH. WH reminds me that she’s trash and even if she is laughing what does it really get her? She didn’t end up with him, she lost a lot from the fall out, and her true character has been exposed. If she is laughing it just proves how crappy she is. I know it sounds weird but it helps me take back the feelings.

Best wishes to feeling better.

But then my “abuser” popped up in my fb feed and I lost it.

Why are abusers able to pop up on your feed?

Block, block, block.

Surround yourself with positive messages and people.

Feelings of rejection and abandonment are conquered from within. Build yourself higher and keep negativity out of your world. That stuff is just noise.

I had I friended her and now blocked her. But she is family, so I will always hear about her somehow.

As for healing, sure, but this ADHD stuff is a bit harder when my brain won’t let me stop sometimes. Do you have it?

I think the ADHD adds such a weird brain pattern to getting better. I tell WH that the disadvantage for me is that I have to power to have multiple streams of thought running through my head at once and it means I have a very difficult time not letting one of those streams be devoted to thinking about the affair. I also think because my mind isn’t always linear in thought it has influenced the number of things that trigger me.