SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I was curious as to whether your wife confessed to her minister.

The Sunday school director, no less!

I feel this. While my WW and I were living apart our church family was constantly calling me asking me to give her forgiveness and take her back. And then the pastor jumped on me telling me that if I did not forgive her and take her back that I was not really a Christian.

Thing is, it took that church three months to come to the determination that the OM, who was the Sunday school director, needed to be sacked. Three months! And my WW was still continuing to attend there.

It's hard to even think of forgiving someone when you are being blamed for what they did and told that you are a heathen for not wanting to forgive them.

I left the church. No more of that garbage.

Just an FYI...any church that coddles those involved (especially someone in an official position) and vilifies the victim, should not only be abandoned, but exposed to local media for doing so.

Figuratively speaking, that "ministry" should be burned down for their actions.

How about

Time has washed away my pain

You'll find things have changed

And disappeared without a trace

You can have back what you erased

And I say

Baby, that is just the way it is, baby.

For some reason the song jumped in my head.

As you have probably realized, your PTSD and resulting depression is the main roadblock here - addressing it will enable you to clearly recognize this warped "brotherly" love (out of bedroom) and treating her like a whore (in the bedroom) is clearly not healthy, either for you or for your son.

At 37, you are still in your prime. Even if you were a lot older, I firmly believe you can find loving, trusting partners at any age, and there is absolutely no need to stay with a cheater. There are those who say there is no guarantee your next partner won't cheat, which is bullcr*p. It is like sticking with a business partner who has already ripped you off because you fear your next partner will do the same.

Let's exclude your WW and the sordid A stink for a moment. If you are a confident, well-balanced, clear thinking individual who is happy with your place in life, in terms of family (again, apart from your WW), friends and career, you should boldly seek a brand-new relationship. Life is too short and precious to spend with someone who has cheated you.

With regard to your son, he is old enough and doesn't need you to be a martyr for him.

Hopefully the mother of your adopted son gets equal time. I wish her all the best.

Hopefully the mother of your adopted son gets equal time. I wish her all the best.

I don't understand.

As you have probably realized, your PTSD and resulting depression is the main roadblock here - addressing it will enable you to clearly recognize this warped "brotherly" love (out of bedroom) and treating her like a whore (in the bedroom) is clearly not healthy, either for you or for your son.

At 37, you are still in your prime. Even if you were a lot older, I firmly believe you can find loving, trusting partners at any age, and there is absolutely no need to stay with a cheater. There are those who say there is no guarantee your next partner won't cheat, which is bullcr*p. It is like sticking with a business partner who has already ripped you off because you fear your next partner will do the same.

Let's exclude your WW and the sordid A stink for a moment. If you are a confident, well-balanced, clear thinking individual who is happy with your place in life, in terms of family (again, apart from your WW), friends and career, you should boldly seek a brand-new relationship. Life is too short and precious to spend with someone who has cheated you.

With regard to your son, he is old enough and doesn't need you to be a martyr for him.

Taken to heart.

I have IC tomorrow. My therapist gave me a homework assignment where I had to write out a narrative of what I saw when I walked in on my wife and her OM. Writing it out made me ill. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow.

Interesting post. I hope you find happiness. If I had walked in on my wife!!!! Holy shit!!!! They would be dead and I would be in the electric chair smiling!

Jimmy,

My thoughts, exactly!

Similar situation, our house of worship basically backed my wife and her family. My life was in ruins, so I ruined hers. I told the good membership that I was gone and as a parting gift, I took a piss in the lobby. They were hanging a picture of the board of directors, and the custodian had left it on the floor to get a tool. So when nobody was looking, I pissed on the portrait. (I take a lot of vitamin B which makes your urine bright yellow.) Yup-two of the board members were her uncles. Got a fairly nasty phone call from the wife of one of them. I told her I'd be happy to come over and piss on him personally.