SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Yesterday was the last official day of my marriage. My husband, who I had been with for 12 years, cheated on me with a married woman with two kids. He left me after I found an email from a hotel he had taken her to thanking him for his stay and confronted him. Now she's divorced as well and they are as happy as can be. I never thought at 38 I'd find myself in this position. No husband, no friends, I dedicated myself to taking care of him and my son (not his), and working. Now my son is almost an adult and I have never felt more alone.

I find myself in the same conundrum at nearly 50. It's hard, but you can now focus on yourself and what YOU need.

Try MeetUps (not dating), resurrect old hobbies, get a gym membership, go back to school, or volunteer... whatever helps you get out, get your mind focused on YOU and YOUR future.

Socialize in a safe way that'll expand your contacts. Hopefully you'll meet people of like mind, & make some friends quickly.

Also look into IC (counseling), or a Divorce Support group. Those'll help you process this trauma. Leaning on supportive, loving friends and family can help, too.

Don't play 'pick me' with your WH. I did that, and it was/is humiliating. He's not going to have some giant epiphany/ come back/ be the perfect husband suddenly, like we hope. (No matter how much sense you try to talk into him)...

I really am sorry you're dealing with this. It's a long, hard road with many ups and downs.

Stay strong, be brave. You'll be ok in the end! I know that's little solace now, but it's true.

Others will be along with more detailed advice soon!! I just saw your post and thought I'd answer, so you know you've been heard.

Hugs!

[This message edited by WowItsReallyReal at 5:49 AM, July 9th (Sunday)]

Same boat. Filling the time is hard, but I am trying to fill it in productive ways. The pain and disbelief are still there, it it gives my brain a bit of a respite and fills time.

I also spend too much just laying on my sofa and staring at the ceiling. I like to tell myself that is processing time....

Hang in there as we all navigate these nasty waters.

My divorce will be final in 2 days. I am still in shock and have no clue what I'm going to do or how I'm going to do it.

So I'm hanging out here on S.I. a lot, seeing a counselor, reading a lot and trying to stay physically healthy. I have to have faith that the rest of it will fall into place when I'm ready for it.

I say the Serenity Prayer all day, everyday. I do deep breathing that my counselor taught me. I'm getting by. Not always gracefully but a few stumbles aren't life shattering.

I have absolutely zero contact with WH at all. I am finally beginning to realize how awful it was living with him and that maybe I will have a life at some point. They say it takes 1 yr. of healing for every 5 yrs. of marriage which means I'll be healed and ready to date when I'm 76.

Happy thought, eh?

Hang in there.

No kids together? That means you can go true NC, and you have no idea how lucky that makes you (I was in the same boat.)

Take advantage of that NC. It will be the biggest component in your healing. Although I'm older than you now, I was 33 at D-Day and divorce day. Because of WXH's PDs, I didn't have any friends at the time. He was essentially my entire social circle.

In the past 5+ years, I've created an amazing life for myself, and I know you can do the same!

I started by contacting acquaintances and inviting them to lunch or out for a drink. I took classes (yoga, wood carving, painting) and joined clubs (book club, beer club) -- anything to meet people and stay busy. I exercised (mostly running and yoga.) I put myself out there, and was repaid a hundred-fold. I now have the most amazing group of friends and could have plans (and often do) every night of the week, doing different fun things with people.

Look at this as an incredible opportunity to rebuild your life as the way you should be living it all along! You are so young still and have decades left to live! Have fun!!!