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IR

Your qualified attorney will need to put this in the agreement which is why I said you need to talk with your attorney.

Your attorney will also know wat to do regarding OBS and how to legally handle this.

Please consider obtaining an affidavit from the OBS regarding the number of times the OM has cheated on her, and the physical abuse. Also consider asking the OBS for proof of the physical beatings (e.g., pictures, medical records, etc.), that she is willing to provide. Use this in your divorce to minimize your children's exposure to the asshat. You may even consider a morality clause precluding your wife from exposing them to this asshat, unless they ever get married. Your children are at stake. This is war!

Good advice. Before hand if you are not there yet develop better understanding/friendship with OBS. She will feel comfortable giving all the information.

What ever your feelings towards WW do not tell her how abusive POS etc. She will take it as your lies to get her back. Your kids coming in to contact with POS is another story

Looks like POS had no plans to building a future with WW all along as he is trying hard to con his wife back in to marriage. Look for any signs of that in WW during the graduation. If so Will WW think of plan BB

[This message edited by goalong at 1:31 PM, May 25th (Thursday)]

Right. So I will use it to help protect my kids first bc I don't think my WW is going to believe anyway. Been learning more about this trail of deceit by going over past credit card statements and it goes deep.

Right now OM is pissed and scared bc he knows the OBS is serious so he has dropped the fence sitting and has chosen the D route, at least for now. He is now cornered and you know how wild animals get when cornered. So just waiting on the fireworks to start. Right now OM is telling OBS that everything goes through attorneys. Funny, sounds like they've been on this forum. Maybe he has since he's a piece of shit repeat offender.

So you think the affair is long running. Discuss with OBS whether you can derail POS's job by lodging a complaint. If she says not to you can pretend like you are not going to do it as a favor to her. That way she will feel obligated to give you more incriminating evidence against POS

I am in similar situation in ways. I found out 2 weeks ago that my husband has been having an affair with his coworker. I had suspected for months but he lied and lied and lied. He came to me out of the blue and blindsided me just like your wife and said he is super unhappy and wants to move out. First thing I said was u r either fucking her or want to be. He swore there was nothing. I cried and begged to give our family and marriage a chance. 3 kids 12 years together. He said OK so for almost a month I worked so hard and he seemed to a little but I felt the distance. It still seemed to be a lot better and he said he stayed because he saw me trying so hard and changing. We had issues for years that we never dealt with. Anyway found emails to confirm affair 2 weeks ago and he said at first he would end it and try for our family even tho he loves her and wants to be with her. Well the lies continued even after counseling appt and we said we would work on it. She was out of town this whole time but they still talk constantly. He sat me down2 nights ago and said I lied about her coming back next weekend, she comes in tomorrow and I want to be with her. We have gone thru this like 4 times so far in 2 weeks where he says he wants to be with her and then we talk and I cry and tell him about the reality of tearing our family apart and he can't see the reality of how it would be if he left. Needless to say he is still seeing her, working with her, calling and texting her and not letting her go. He's still saying he wants to leave. I have been doing the same as you begging, pleading, changing to hang onto him. At times it resonates with him but then he loses his grip on reality and still wants to leave his beautiful family for this married slank he's been screwing for a few months. I told him today that I deserve bether and if he wants to leave then he needs to go and take my step son who I've raised for 12 years since 3 y/o and they need to leave immediately. I mentioned a divorce lawyer too. He was surprised and said well that makes it real and that he needs to percolate on that for today and he will call me later. I have not heard back since but expect a call soon. I imagine he will come home to tell me he has found a place to go and will move out. I'm sorry you r in similar boat, it's fucked! We don't deserve this shit. My husband was always an incredible husband and father and I'm devastated but he was done anyway as it sounds the same with your wife. My begging wasn't helping because it seemed to keep him here still for these 2 weeks, he still rushed off to call her and see her each morning after. So it wasn't forcing him to end it with her. Still telling me he loves her and wants to leave and is willing to lose everything for it. Sounds like your wife is lying too, I thought my husband never would do this and I almost believed all his ludicrous excuses for going MIA at times etc. I must've confronted him abut shit a million times and his lies just got more and more and more. I am praying for myself, my family and for you and anyone this has happened to. Worst thing EVER!! So sorry. Hang in there.