SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Karat please take seriously all that Scaredykat has to say. She is a very wise and very caring person. She has been, she is, of enormous help to many, many of us here.

Yes do listen to Skaredykat! I joined this group a few years ago then left for awhile. I can back to learn more after my husband nearly died. It is a horrible addiction that can possibly kill.

My WH has not been diagnosed by a CSAT but I have accepted the diagnosis. You know, I promise that my WH would love NOT to be called an addict. I can't imagine using it as an excuse if you are doing the work. They have steps and need a sponsor. They attend regular meetings. There should be writing and introspection and therapy (for mine, anyways). Even if for some reason we would find out he wasn't...the point is that he has committed to working this program and to learning about himself. He is digging into reasons and his past and is supporting other men along the way.

Thinking of you, Karat. I found a great women's group that meets once a week, and I am very thankful for the support. I hope you find that, as well.

I'm sorry for your pain.

I was worried for awhile that my fWH might be an SA. He never watched porn or cheated until after 30 years of M though. That's a hard diagnosis to deal with.

The porn drew my fWH in and desensitized him to intimacy. That opened his mind up to cheating. It felt more like he was possesed by evil or demons which he was finally able to expel.

It was more of a compulsion than an addiction in my fWHs case. I think it's easier for men to kick this when it's not who they really are. It was harder for my fWH to be a serial cheater than to be the true good faithful H that he was up until he cheated.

I'm pretty sure he would have been mis diagnosed as an SA though esp given he was a serial cheater and watching porn.

I didn't realize that an LTA would be eligible to be considered as an SA so that's something new I've learned.

Anyway if I were you I would try to get a 2nd opinion just to make sure you know what you are dealing with and to make sure your recovery goes in the proper direction. The SA treatment approach may not be effective for a non SA cheater.

[This message edited by whattheh at 4:43 PM, April 22nd (Saturday)]

Just wanted to add that my fwh was diagnosed SA by a professional CSAT and he had multiple Lta's. One for 10 years, one for 6 years and one for 5 years. These ltas happened during the same time period. He also had several ons and cyber affairs. So saying someone is not SA because of lta, is simply not true. In my case, SA do have ltas.

There are lots of people on this site that completely understand what you are going through.