SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

If you want to end the affair, tell the OMs wife. A face to face meeting with her is best. Show her all the evidence you have. Do not under any circumstances tell your wife or the OM you are going to do this. After you tell his wife go get some popcorn an enjoy the circus that ensues ! STAY STRONG !

I will say that I saw something when backing up her old phone ready for her new one.

I wouldn't even say that much. This isn't a court of law, you don't have to "prove" anything. She already knows the truth, you don't have to prove it to her, she was there when it happened. Your only answer is "I know about xxxxx. How? That's not important, what's important is that I know." Never reveal your sources.

Also, I totally agree with letting OBS know. And as has already been said I think, do NOT tell your wife that you're doing that. If she's not communicating with OM, how would she (WW) find out?

Personally, I think a little extra time to hash this out is warranted. I don't know how you're waiting, lol. My head would explode if I had to hold it in.

I never used to be so impulsive, but since the A, I have to let the feelings fly.

tiredofcrying, I think my head is exploding (with going through every scenario of what to say or act constantly in battle with each other in my head).

I think she is cake eating.

Still talks of our holiday in a positive light, what we are doing each day and future stuffs....

All four of us are looking forward to this holiday after a hard couple of years being busy with life.

I can see how being friendly isn't enough (though we are primarily best friends).

with regards to long periods without intimacy, she actually was burnt out all the time with studies and work, i may be blind and there may be others, but I'm not so sure.

She has also said that her lack of sexual feelings and intimacy have been building for years, as we are very good friends, and she feels like a B* for how she has made me feel.

We are still sharing the same bed, even since our talk in december....

Would a good window of time be to ask her to come home in the afternoon, or wait until she gets home and before I have to go to work at 18:30 again? I am going to confront her tomorrow (Weds).-----

DO IT. She has everything to lose. You have already lost what you had (in marriage). You have everything to gain by exposing. Do not let her justify her actions. Please go to bed. Get some meds for temporary relief. Also tell your POS wife (who pretend to care how you feel) how this has sought of destroyed you during the last few days

NO HOLIDAYS. DO NOT do pick up dance.(unless you are OK with open marriage) If I were you I will let the older kid know why it was cancelled.

Cancelling the long planned holiday will show her how bad her actions are. The opposite will make her think that you are not that hurt by her actions.

If you go on the holiday with everything stuffed inside you, believe me you will not have a holiday

[This message edited by goalong at 7:50 PM, April 4th (Tuesday)]

She's lying to you,betraying you and those kids. She is stabbing you in the back.

I don't know about you...But I don't treat my friends like that.

Really talk to his wife first?

I could actually go there tomorrow, I know her too!

Yes. No question. It solves your three problems - waking her up and letting her know this isn't a game, it removes him from meddling and it gets you out of infidelity.

If you wait then her and her boyfriend will just invest a story about you going crazy.

It's also the ethical thing to do.

DO NOT DELAY. Do it this morning.

Tell the OBS before you confront your W!!!

If you confront your W first, she will warn him then he will try to keep his W from talking to you, muddying the waters...go to the OBS first!!!

I'm not going to sugarcoat this for you...you will have a long road to recovery ahead of you if you choose to stay together, I experienced much the same thing with my W last year.

I can say it has been well worth it in my case, but you have to decide that for yourself soon.

First, you MUST expose the A openly, and unfortunately that will also mean removing this "friend" from your lives forever.

Tell his wife first!!!

[This message edited by OrdinaryDude at 7:46 PM, April 4th (Tuesday)]

This is harsh.

Don't feel sorry for her. She had a crappy childhood. Well so did I!! I saw my brother kidnapped off the street!

I watched my bio father beat the crap out of my brother and mother for 10 years.

Guess what...it drove me to be the best mother. It drove me to NOT hurt my children.

She is a grown adult. She has ruined your marriage and another marriage and several children's lives.

She knows right from wrong.

Yeah....crappy childhood isn't an excuse at all. My mother was married five times. Husband number three shot her in the head..She told the cops it was an accident, and once released from the hospital, she moved us all back in with him. He beat her for the next several years...And raped me when I was 15...And used the fact that he shot my mother,as a way of keeping me quiet.

I didn't cheat.

Your wife may have some deep issue as to why she cheated. But almost all cheaters cheat because they're selfish, entitled, and think they won't get caught.

thanks guys.

Just wondering is D-Day discovery day (me) or day of confrontation with W?

All new to me this forum

Discovery day usually.

When you confront her you need to catch her off guard like when she first gets home. Don't back off at all. Tell her you know exactly what's going on and demand all answers right then and there. Like some of the other posters have already said you'll shock her and probably get the information you're looking for. Again, don't be passive. Be strong and firm and let her know exactly how this makes you feel.

Dadof2uk,

I have been following your thread. You are doing well. But I know you are hurting.

I'm so sorry.

I wanted to jump on board and agree with the other posters in regards to telling the other betrayed spouse.

Not only will it put an end to your wife's affair, most likely, but it is the right thing to do.

She deserves to know her truth, just as much as we all did, and as much as you deserved to know.

Take care of yourself. This is a traumatic thing you are going through. The good people here will help you.

Also, I recommend you to read 'no more Mr nice guy'. You can Google it as a free pdf I believe.

Strength

Also don't accept..."I needed attention"

My husband travels Monday-Friday. And I didn't cheat either.

If possible,have the kids somewhere else when you confront her..grandparents..a friend's house...somewhere else.

4kids, many thanks for your response.

I am going to tell his wife, but not sure whether to confront mine first, without saying i am going to his, or go to his then confront mine.

I think that the other wife will confront her husband there and then (she is quite fiery), and that then will alert my wife before I can get to her.

And be assertive. Not angry, not emotional, not forgiving, not pleading. Assertive! Essentially command respect in an unemotional manner. Not easy, I know!

"And be assertive. Not angry, not emotional, not forgiving, not pleading. Assertive! Essentially command respect in an unemotional manner. Not easy, I know!"

I really need to not get emotional.....

I'm starting to see why it makes more sense to tell the other BS before confronting your wife. Don't want your wife warning OM that the shit's about to go down. But then if you tell OBS first it gives your wife a chance to concoct a story if he gives her a heads up.

There was no OBS in my situation -- I wish -- so take my advice as to when to do so with a grain of salt. But definitely do it.