SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi there,

Sorry I've not read through the other replies, I just wanted to reply while I had chance. I found out 19 days ago so have some idea what you are going through.

People keep saying time helps and I know it doesn't feel that way at the moment to either of us but we must believe that is the case.

I too am going from anger, rage, hatred, to hurt, upset, despair, heartbroken and devastated.

I just don't know what to do with myself, I've been signed off work and I don't know if that's good or bad, I was a friend of mine my husband cheated with and I cant get it out of my head.

Keep posting on here and please look after yourself x x x

Oh and I'd also been married 17 years, would have been 18 on 1st May x x x

Trips overseas, big house, luxury car, expensive jewelry, all while being a stay-at-home by choice... you monster! How could you do those things to her?!? In case my sarcasm isn't apparent I'll declare it openly.

But seriously, once she was busted I think she figured out what she stood to lose. I'd ponder that too if I were you. While you may take a financial hit, perhaps you can consider how much it is worth to you to have a spouse you can trust. Reconciliation is a 2-5 year process, and from what I've read here only roughly 1/3 make it. Perhaps cutting your losses is an option.

[This message edited by Sanibelredfish at 3:18 PM, March 15th (Wednesday)]

Trifle; im truly sorry your going through this. Be prepared as you know for emotional swings. Try to maintain your dignity (I lost mine today when stated she whored herself out to a man who didn't care about her). If any good has come of this it's knowing to take care of you first and foremost!

Prayers for you!

What do you mean...if you ask about phone activity,she shows you the phone? You should have the password,and look when you want. Otherwise she could be deleting things. That's another boundary you need to establish..no deleting..anything..ever.

Brennan87, thank you, your kind words are really appreciated. I too have lost it several times and I'm not sure I like the person I am becoming.

My main problem is that I want answers in order to allow me to move forward, he won't give me those answers as he said he can't be in a room without me kicking off at the moment, I know that may be the case but I'm hurting, angry, upset and just don't know what the hell I'm feeling or doing.

I hope that we can both get through this and try and control our emotions a bit on the coming days, weeks and months.

Thanks again, thinking of you x x x

Trifle,

If you learn. Itching about this, it's NOT your fault. 😁Your in a double edged sword scenario you want details so you can move on. But even if you get them you can't confirm if it's the truth. It begins to eat at you. You want to believe what you hear but also want to not believe. Your emotions unfortunately are normal. Take care of you. Confide in us, a friend, a pastor. If he won't give details find an outlet and don't fall in my trap. Obsessing ever hour of the day. Give yourself a time out. If you start to go to that place, use something to distract. I scream stop, stop, stop over and over again.

Hang in there and wishing good thoughts!

How did you cope with all these conflicting emotions?

Honestly, I didn't cope well at all. After a few weeks, I was completely unhinged (mentally unstable, deranged). It took quite a few wonderful people here on SI to help me get those emotions in check, at least to some degree. That, and about four months of IC with an anger management specialist (who was also an XBH). Mostly though, it took all of those people reminding me that what I was experiencing was perfectly natural and not at all uncommon. It will take a little time, but it does get better.

I hadn't thought about the line blurring of marriage/affair and counseling.

I'm not exactly sure what you mean here, but... know that infidelity is NOT unique to bad marriages. There are plenty of BSs here who thought they had a great marriage. There are even some WSs here who will admit that they had a great marriage and still cheated. Good marriages and bad, rich and poor, black, while, blue, brown, straight, bi or gay... the stories all follow the same patterns (more or less).

It takes two healthy(ish) and committed people to build a healthy marriage.

[This message edited by Unhinged at 6:37 PM, March 15th (Wednesday)]

Well it's been a month since I've posted, so this is going to be a little long.

I've not posted for a couple reasons: most inportantly just trying to make sense of everything. But also in my emotional state I wasn't able to sift through bitter bad advice postings or the good ones. So where are?

Mm

Today has been the best one of the past 46. I woke at 2:30am will WS sleep like a log and obsessed about details of the affair, including how many days of the year have been ruined by it. I said enough is enough. So I went for a 3 mile run. Oh the clarity!!!! I came hope and woke her up and told her I was not owning her shit anymore. I want is to work but I have to focus on me (I allowed playing the victim to let me stop running and to eat garbage). She gets to own her shit and I'll do my part to heal from this and if she can't do hers. So be it. I I also told her I'd forgiven my abuser while running (aanitger story for another day).

All day has been really good. Played with the kids in the yard, we all stayed home, worked in the yard and wife and I had a great conversation about the A.

How did I get here? It's not been easy. After her TT, she was working on a timeline and hit me with a Mack truck (what I refer to new revelations that pop out of the blue and slam into my face like a Mack truck). I lost it and told her I want all the Mack trucks listed that might be out there and if one more lie was discovered she was gone!

I've kicked her out three times long stories. She is fully aware all assets are now in my name and I mean all. She will exit with nothing including the children. If she fights me on that I will post four by eight billboards of his and her pictures with the words "watch your spouse, these two cheated!". One to the entrance to our neighborhood, church and school. Would I harm my kids that way no. I also told her that the text messages would be copied and I would provide one via registered mail to her entirefsmily and friends. Harsh I know but she got the message.

Until this week my triggers have been horrific but my therapist called me on the carpet that I wasn't facing my fear and pain and since I've owned it I've only had two. Sweet Jesus!

On the flip side as a grown ass man, I can't believe the crying! At the drop of a hat! Out running, church, work. I just can't get it under control. Not just boohoo but on my knees sobbing. I'm scheduled for EDMR soon so I can get rid of this crap. Counseling is going well, he is working on my self worth and self esteem. Making progress as I told her today that she's said many times I deserve more and I told her, she's right! I finally admit it there are plenty of women out there who would want me, would look at her as a fool for hurting the good guy. I'm not rug sweeping I know I have a long road to drive but I'm 200 percent better than I was 47 days ago. I guess having three therapists help!

She's seeing her therapist and has discovered some real horrors from her past. I continue to remind her that I empathize but it still doesn't make her affair okay. I see the remorse for what she's done and the things she's doing too make me feel safe. I got a wee bit of satisfaction when she sent her "it's over text" and he responded with, "who is this?". I fell off the deep end at one point and shattered family portraits; called her a lying cheating whore. I'm hoping those moments are behind us.

I don't know if we'll make it or not, but I do love her and need to try. At the end of the day if our relationship has met the end I can walk away proudly knowing I did everything I could. As a better man than I was when I entered this horror and I've found my own brand of peace and happiness. My thoughts go out to all who are living this nightmare and I hope my journey of hell and the strides I'm making help just one more person.

good. I am glad you are finding your peace and am happy you are making her own her shit because she does own it and the fact that she and the MC gaslight you is unacceptable.