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Ah...thanks for that clarification .

Another answer to the problem of arrows is . . . angels.

This is the Christian Science definition of angels:

Angels. God’s thoughts passing to man; spiritual intuitions, pure and perfect; the inspiration of goodness, purity, and immortality, counteracting all evil, sensuality, and mortality.

In Christian Science, angels are God's messages to man. The opposite of arrows, which are devastating and ugly messages. Angels are messages of love, hope, joy, peace, good - and Eldredge would say, I think, that angels are not only quiet and peaceful, floating down - sometimes they are fighters and warriors (Eldredge expounds on God as Great Warrior and battle for your heart is a big theme).

And sometimes angels take the form of ladies at the buffet restaurant pointing out that your husband loves you, which is where I got this idea. Thank you Want2BHappyAgain! I don't know if this makes sense to you, but your post helped me make sense of it for myself.

So there is a concordance of Mary Baker Eddy and Eldredge. Lest I stray too far from the original source, here's today's prayer:

Psalms 78:25

Human beings ate the bread of angels; he sent them all the food they could eat.

Psalm 91:11

For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;

Psalm 193:20

Praise the LORD, you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word.

That’s pretty cool Pippin ...thanks for sharing this .

For today, reliance on prayer.

Deuteronomy 31:8

He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

For today, I'm reading, listening, and praying about work. My employment/work is busy, I'm doing "work" with my kid's school around an issue they are dealing with, still trying to figure out what it means to participate/"work" on SI, working with my husband on our relationship and what he needs, and work on figuring out my stuff. All work. Without an organizing principle (God/good/truth/love) and some faith that what I am doing is good and right (when I check it out with God), I would be unanchored. I was unanchored for a long time and organizing my work in various areas by responding to society's direction or internal impulses is no way to live my life. Here's my anchor for all kinds of work and today's prayer.

Romans 12 various

...Offer yourselves as a living sacrifice to God, dedicated to his service and pleasing to him. This is the true worship that you should offer. Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. Then you will be able to now the will of God - what is good and is pleasing to him and is perfect.

...Do not think of yourself more highly than you should. Instead, be modest in your thinking, and judge yourself according to the amount of faith that God has given you. We have many parts in the one body, and all these parts have different functions. In the same way, though we are many, we are one body in union with Christ, and we are all joined to each other as different parts of one body. So we are to use our different gifts in accordance with the grace that God has given us. If our gift is to speak God's message, we should do it according to the faith that we have; if it is to serve, we should serve; if it is to teach, we should teach; if it is to encourage others, we should do so. Whoever shares with others should do it generously; whoever has authority should work hard; whoever shows kindness to others should do it cheerfully.

(Good News Bible, the app defaulted to this because it's the one I was last reading. I like the plain speaking in that one for today. King James is too poetic for today's frame of mind and topic!)

Thank you Pippin.

I'm still thinking about work (in all its various forms, including work on SI). I fear doing the wrong work, or doing it badly, or making mistakes that are harmful to other people. These are deep FOO arrows that whisper - you are hurting people, you are evil, what you do will damage people. I can deal with those arrows by knowing what they are and rejecting them for thoughts from God instead.

To reorient, I read 1 Chronicles. David, the psalmist, who gave us some of the most treasured worship in the bible, was not called to build the temple. God told him that was not his work. He humbly gave it to Solomon to complete, even though he had the plans, the workers, the title of king. David offered Solomon everything he had, including encouragement (in the sense of giving courage).

I am actually not sure what this means! but the courage part helps, and I don't feel done with the idea of work, so I'll stay with that unless a crisis pops up that demands prayer and attention.

1 Chronicles 28:20

David also said to Solomon his son, “Be strong and courageous and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished."

If anyone gets anything else out of 1 Chronicles 28 on the idea work, please share. I'm still puzzling it.

[This message edited by Pippin at 9:21 AM, May 31st (Friday)]

Still thinking about work, especially work that includes difficult news that people don't want to hear. Because I really hate giving difficult news, on SI or to people on my team who may not have jobs after this year's contract is up or to kids who want affirmation but should instead consider another POV. To be clear and firm and still hopeful and compassionate is hard. I don't know if I need to keep practicing, reflecting, and trying to do it better. I do have some good qualities that come easy so maybe that's what I have to offer, and working on doing better with other qualities isn't the right way to spend my time. I'm not sure. Which means, more prayer. Mark 8 seems like a good place to think about difficult news given to people who don't want to hear it, and what profit a man to gain the whole world gives meaning to "work" and the ultimate reason for all work.

Mark 8

Then he began to teach them that the son of Man must undergo great suffering, and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests, and the scribes, and be killed, and after three days rise again. He said all this quite openly. And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. But turning and looking at his disciples, he rebuked Peter and said, "Get behind me, Satan! For you are setting your mind not on divine things but on human things."

He called the crowd with his disciples, and said to them, "If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it. For what will it profit them to gain the whole world and forfeit their life? Indeed, what can they give in return for their life? Those who are ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of them the Son of Man will also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels."

I had a terrible nightmare about abandoning my youngest daughter which I am pretty sure is linked to how I neglected her during the affair. Today I've been praying and reading and practicing being the parent my children need (without overcorrecting toward being indulgent out of guilt), the seeming tension between discipline and encouragement, and having God "sign his name" to what I do with them, through prayer. Also, if I really screw up (which I will try not to do), all is not lost, so that is reassuring.

In rereading Hebrews it applies to quite a lot going on in my life, and on SI. When I pray with specific questions the answer is often much, much bigger than the question I came with.

Hebrews 12:11

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Colossians 3:21

... do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

Philippians 4:6

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Psalm 27:10

For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in.

[This message edited by Pippin at 4:40 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)]

Today I was reading, listening, and praying about honesty (worker . . . rightly explaining the word of truth), which is something I need to work on every day. There is more in what I was reading that applies to work, and SI. My posts are always better (not perfect) when I pause, walk away, and pray with an open heart before hitting send (or deleting). I usually but not always do that. I'm going to use SI posts as a reminder/chance for more prayer and when I forgot or neglect to do that, it's an early warning system that I'm unanchored again. (Below I'm applying to myself, my participation, not an admonishment to anyone else.)

2 Timothy 2:14

Remind them of this, and warn them before God that they are to avoid wrangling over words, which does no good but only ruins those who are listening. Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved by him, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly explaining the word of truth.

(and the following is kinda funny! Do I do profane chatter? Oh definitely. To be avoided)

Avoid profane chatter, for it will lead people into more and more impiety, and their talk will spread like gangrene.

Today, faith

John 14:27

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

And Mark 9:24, which is almost as daily a prayer as honesty

Lord I believe, help my unbelief!

And from Eldredge, a warning

Even though we may profess at one level a genuine faith in him, at another level we are like the third servant (from the talents parable). Our obedience is not so much out of love as it is out of carefulness. "Just tell me what to do, God, and I'll do it." Killing desire may look like sanctification, but it's really godlessness. Literally, our way of handling life without God. The deepest moral issue is always what we, in our heart of hearts, believe about God. And nothing reveals this belief as clearly as what we do with our desire.

Today's Eldredge email is so good for my thinking about SI:

Title: It Will Be Messy

The family is…like a little kingdom, and, like most other little kingdoms, is generally in a state of something resembling anarchy.

Chesterton could have been talking about a little fellowship (our true family, because it is the Family of God). It is a royal mess. I will not whitewash this. It is disruptive. Going to church with hundreds of other people to sit and hear a sermon doesn't ask much of you. It certainly will never expose you. That's why most folks prefer it. Because community will. It will reveal where you have yet to become holy, right at the very moment you are so keenly aware of how they have yet to become holy. It will bring you close and you will be seen and you will be known and therein lies the power and therein lies the danger. Aren't there moments when all those little companies, in all those stories, hang by a thread? Galadriel says to Frodo, "Your quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little and it will fail, to the ruin of all. Yet hope remains while the Company is true."

We've experienced incredible disappointments in our fellowship. We have, every last one of us, hurt one another. Sometimes deeply. Last year there was a night when Stasi and I laid out a vision for where we thought things should be going - our life-long dream for redemptive community. We hoped the Company would leap to it with loud "Hurrahs! Hurrah for John and Stasi!" Far from it. Their response was more on the level of blank stares. Our dream was mishandled—badly. Stasi was sick to her stomach; she wanted to leave the room and throw up. I was…stunned. Disappointed. I felt the dive towards a total loss of heart. The following day I could feel my heart being pulled towards resentment. It's moments like that which usually toll the beginning of the end for most attempts at community.

I don't feel that way about SI right now, but I have been interacting less, have low expectations for what I'll receive in general (though quite high expectations from some, Hi Maia!), and instead am thinking about how best to give and what the appropriate expectations are for receiving. I find the times of disappointment difficult, although less now than at the beginning when it was so raw and I was so much in need. Understanding why I was disappointed, what I expected, what seemed to fall short, is helpful (and much better here than in the real world!). Also I really don't like *being* disappointing on SI, being less than people need and deserve. It's hard to know when that's happening because so much has to be inferred and I err toward thinking I'm being hurtful rather than helpful (that's a deep groove). Trusting in God, if I use prayer before each post and in thinking about the poster and what they need, not because of what I think they need but what God/good/love might offer, is the way I've been approaching that. Sometimes it is blunt! Like Jesus with the Pharisees. And I see waywards hurting badly, even and maybe especially the ones who are not "ready" because they are so ashamed of themselves and hiding so profoundly that they don't even see what they are doing to the people closest to them.

That was a ramble, and I had planned not to ramble without getting my thoughts in order, but sometimes looking back on a ramble is helpful to see where I need more thought/prayer. And this is a very quiet thread for rambles :)

I don't like to get too far from the original, Galatians 6 for a prayerful way to bear one another's burdens, and community.

Galatians 6

My friends, if anyone is detected in a transgression, you who have received the Spirit should restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness. Take care that you yourselves are not tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.For if those who are nothing think they are something, they deceive themselves. All must test their own work; then that work, rather than their neighbor's work, will become a cause for pride. For all must carry their own loads.

Those who are taught the word must share in all good things with their teacher.

Do not be deceived; God is not mocked, for you reap whatever you sow. If you sow to your own flesh, you will reap corruption from the flesh but if you sow to the Spirit, you will reap eternal life from the Spirit. So let us not grow weary in doing what is right, for we will reap at harvest time, if we do not give up. So then, whenever we have an opportunity, let us work for the good of all, and especially for those of the family of faith.

Proverbs 19

Whoever is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and will be repaid in full.

How do I repay the people who have been kind to me? I have faith that God will repay them, and they are repaid through the satisfaction and lightness in their own hearts, but saying thank you for kindness may be a way to show God’s repayment.

And love thy enemies. It’s easy to say thank you to people I already love who were kind to me. How do I see the kindness and say thank you to people who I do not love or have angry feelings toward? That’s much harder. I’d much rather fault them than thank them (easy to do, no one is perfect, I can avert my thoughts from their kindness to their imperfections). So that’s going to be today’s work. It’s not easy but good practice for 1. Doing something I’d rather not and 2. Being humble and 3. Increasing the love in the world

I am not sure why I post on the prayer thread every day! At first, to pray for people on SI who ask for it, in a way that they could see (because I saw requests for prayer in Wayward and Off Topic). Then for SI related daily prayer - for the community, for my husband, for understanding my part in it and how to do better. Then for anything related that came up from that.

I don't have a prayer thread plan! But this sort of thing has happened before, I find myself drawn to doing something, not understanding why, keeping with it, and the answer becomes clear and it's very often not at all what I thought or expected.

I looked through to see how other people used this thread before me, and it was quite different. I have a bit of fear of monopolizing the prayer thread and creating (unknowingly) a sense that other people can't use it in a way that makes sense for them, which is the opposite of my intentions. I know I don't need to give anyone permission, but here is an explicit welcome -come one, come all, post what you want, related or unrelated, the more prayer the better! And if you don't, I'll still be here with my particular (peculiar?) of using the prayer thread until I understand whatever I'm figuring out this way. I have faith that it will be a blessing, whatever it is.

Hebrews 11 for faith and understanding

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Indeed, by faith our ancestors received approval. By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was made from things that are not visible.

Yesterday I was walking through the park on the way home from a very long day and week at work. It was a lovely day and I was feeling pretty good about a successful work week and looking forward to the weekend with my family.

There’s a wide pathway through the park and about 10 minutes into the walk I noticed a young family walking the other way. The mother was walking next to the father and a young child was skipping along beside. The father was pushing their infant in a stroller. The infant and the father were locked in a baby-parent gaze, smiling at each other.

I realized that last year, during the affair, the AP was not gazing at his baby or children; he was looking at me instead. My heart sank for a moment. And then I realized that I was no longer involved in his family. I had ended my responsibility for whatever trouble they have (I hope they have none). He is free to gaze at his baby and walk through the park with his family, if he chooses. And I can gaze at my family. I was so grateful for all the help I had ending the affair.

For today, prayer in gratitude for redemption.

Act 3:19

Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,

And for other waywards who are not quite there yet:

2 Peter 3:9

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

My husband is doing well during the day which is a big improvement from a few months ago. Then, I was able to drop everything whenever he needed me to support him. But he still has nightmares sometimes. He says that he wakes me up, I hug him and tell him everything he dreamt is not real, and he is able to get back to sleep, but I usually don't fully wake up and sometimes don't remember it. He is working on asking for help when he needs it which doesn't come naturally to him and when I don't wake up all the way I think he is reluctant to push. I was feeling frustrated because I can't figure out a way to help with this. I prayed for a while for ideas and for help for him, and heard that for now, when we go to sleep, I'll whisper something to him against nightmares, and ask him to wake me up fully when one comes, and be as enthusiastic as possible when he does wake me up or the next morning, and pray for him every night before sleep. But he also has faith, and if he wants to pray together, we can do that together and it will be even better, to trust God to care for him.

Job 7

Nights of misery are apportioned to me.

When I lie down I say "When shall I rise?'

But the night is long,

and I am full of tossing until dawn.

Job 42

Then Job answered the Lord

I know that you can do all things,

and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

The nightmare plan worked, at least last night. Before sleep I asked him for anything on his mind and we talked through it. In the middle of the night he didn't have a nightmare, but woke up with another thought. I was able to fully wake up and talk about it and he got right back to sleep.

I am sending this to him today, with a grateful heart for someone to sleep next to and wake up in the middle of the night for. And a prayer for anyone sleeping alone who doesn't want to be alone, that they find someone.

Ecclesiastes 4:9

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?

Thoughts and prayers to those impacted by the floods.

Catching up on posts then will pray :-)

Yes. Praying together as husband and wife is hugely healing. I also think taking communion together can be a huge blessing. My H prays with me but not aloud. He let's me do the praying aloud. Lol.

Father in heaven I'm just lifting up the people of SI today. I ask for truth. Truth in their inmost hearts. Truth on their lips. That they might know the truth, seek the truth, be found by the truth, walk in the truth. But i also ask for mercy. Grace poured out. Unmerited favor given and accepted freely in true love. I ask for deliverance from strife and doubt and anger and bitterness and fear and rage. I ask that these be banished, willfully rejected in the name of Jesus. I ask for kindness and joy and faith and hope and healing. Leading in paths of righteousness for your names sake. I ask that when a bs or ws cant trust each other, you would enter in and lead them to trust you. Hold your hand while you hold onto their spouse. I ask for light in the darkness. I ask for beauty from ashes and hearts of flesh where there are now hearts of stone. I bind the enemy's work in their lives and forbid it in Jesus name. I thank you Lord for your compassion and mercy. I ask for the spirit to move mightily and be released in their lives in our lives. I ask for a mighty work of restoration. I also bring the kingdom of God and the full work of Christ between me and all forms of retaliation and forbid it in Jesus name.

Father may we be one as you are one with the son. May we walk in the truth. Your word is truth. I thank you and praise you for your life, your answers already happening and for your kingdom which has no end. In the name of Jesus I pray with all glory honor and thanks to Him

Amen