SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Well, today is the day I dread. Exactly 2yrs today (it was June 7th, but obviously the calendar moves, but it was the first Thursday of June) my life changed forever.

Yesterday (2yrs ago) I found the texts. She told me it was harmless flirting with a guy at the office. Even though my heart sank, I believed her as she said it was nonsense. But the next day (today), I found out who it was and how tangled the web was. It was my friend who worked with her. Yes, my heart sank, my world fell apart and there was a pain in my heart like I've never felt ever in my life. I remember not telling anyone, not knowing what to do and I felt like throwing up and exploding. We had dinner at my mother's the next day and I was crying inside the whole time.

Yes, my life changed. I don't feel the same ever. We are working on it, but the innocence is gone, the lust for life is gone and I'm just here. There is certainly happy moments, but for the most part I am numb.

Do I love my wife? Sometimes I ask myself this. I don't want to live life without her for several reasons, but is she that amazing wife that I adored still? Probably not.

Oh well... If you're reading this thank you. Just needed to say the above. I'm in the office celebrating the day that I sank to the ground 50 feet. Can't tell anyone here, have to act normal and do my job at 100% while my heart cries for the old me today. Anyone would say "hey, it's been 2yrs, get with it". Well, the rip into the heart takes a long time to fully heal. I know I shouldn't feel sorry for myself, but sometimes I do.

Anyway, thank you for reading.

2married--big hugs going your way! You are a survivor and you've come this far. Do something nice for yourself today. Celebrate the passage of time. You will never forget that day/moment but you are two years away. It's got to get better.

Hugs!!!

I thought general consensus was 2-5 years. No need to feel like you should "get with it" just yet. And I would bet based on some of the older members that even last the 5 year mark DDay still stings. Hang in there. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

(((2m2q)))

Antiversaries are awful, no apology or explanation needed. Everybody here has either been there, is there, or is going there, after all.

Remember that you have a whole bunch of people rooting for you. You've told us. Personally, I'm glad you've shared this mainly (only) with people who understand.

Do I love my wife? Sometimes I ask myself this. I don't want to live life without her for several reasons, but is she that amazing wife that I adored still? Probably not.

Totally get this. It was my friend also and it just sucks. Don't believe I'll ever trust my x wife again.

Do I love her? All I know is an awful lot of love died when I found them.

[This message edited by mozzchops at 9:28 AM, June 5th (Thursday)]

2married2quit:

I am sorry you are hurting.

I understand how you feel.

Two years out, I still love my husband, but something is missing. It's not the same feeling of love I had before his affair.

There is a wariness about it that ruins things, daily.

The lack of trust will always be there. I would be a fool to trust him again.

When someone looks you in the eyes and lies during a LTA, and then tries to gaslight you when you start to have a clue, it really ruins our ability to trust them as well as our own judgment.

Right now, I am staying for our kids. There is no fighting in front of them, and things are calm and I want them to grow up in an in tact family.

My kids adore their dad. I don't want to ruin that for them.

2M2Q,

I just passed the 1st antiversery of the night they slept together. I think, like you, I'm not angry or emotional about it anymore. But that's kind what sucks.

Do I love my wife? Sometimes I ask myself this. I don't want to live life without her for several reasons, but is she that amazing wife that I adored still? Probably not

Me too. I think she knows it. I'm trying the whole "fake it till I make it" but it's hard.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm being selfish keeping her when she'll never be put back on a pedestal.

Yes. The missing lust for life. The innocent joy. The belief that everyone is trying to be and do their best. Gone.

I hear you.

Me too. I think she knows it. I'm trying the whole "fake it till I make it" but it's hard.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm being selfish keeping her when she'll never be put back on a pedestal.

Yep, this is hard. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just being selfish too. If I'm just here cause the alternative was the pain that I felt on DDAY?

I know the feeling too..

It is the live in intimate friendship that I miss..The feeling that I had this person to myself (heart, body and soul) for a period of time every day...There was no other place him or I would RATHER be during that time..

It sucks because after cheating this devotion/trust/connection as an equal gets replaced with the BS being the parent or the police of the WS..

Suddenly the WS would rather be anywhere else on the planet than right here having dinner with us, watching basket ball with us or having sex with us..

This feeling does a lot to take my lust for life away..I like sharing my moments with somebody who WANTS to be there with me for unselfish reasons..

I will gladly exchange a moment with an unenthusiastic H or BF for one to be with my sister who is glad that I am there with her..KWIM?

Often times the WS isn't staying out of love or friendship..Many of them make that fairly obvious

This is the WS who is staying in the M for selfish reasons, because this WS doesn't want life as he or she knows it to be replaced with poverty and struggle..

It take years to form a bond of true devotion and trust in an M that transcends the heady excitement of the newlywed years...

Soo, I get why it takes years to recover from this kind of betrayal whether we stay and R or detach and leave the marriage..I am glad that you started this thread...

(((Hugs)))

[This message edited by doggiediva at 10:19 AM, June 5th (Thursday)]

Just called her up. I hate talking about it because sometimes it gets in the way of going forward, but I had to say it.

On a positive note, I'm doing much better than last year. Last year I was on the floor.

On a positive note, I'm doing much better than last year. Last year I was on the floor.

That is a big positive!!

I would say how you're feeling is completely normal. Be kind to yourself.

Dear 2

I hate "the date" as well. It is such a painful memory of the flood of despair and emotion.

I know I shouldn't feel sorry for myself, but sometimes I do

It is okay. It is okay to still hurt. The level of despair and agony that infidelity brings is so overwhelming.

The wound might heal but the scar is forever there.

Be kind to yourself and it's good that you can be open and honest with your wife. Moving forward means talking about feelings not stuffing them down. Proud of you for letting her know you were struggling today.

(((hugs)))

I just experienced my first antiversary on April 29th. Everything you wrote describes me and my feelings about myself and towards my wife. Do I love my wife? Yes, but not nearly like I used to. It's a damn shame but it is what it is.

I was also betrayed by a close friend who was chatting with her inappropriately. The PA was with a family friend. Double betrayal stings like no other.

I'm sorry your down so low buddy. You must be making steps though because your not on the floor anymore. Walk tall and carry a big stick. Thanks for posting and sharing what is on your mind.

(((2married)))

I'm glad this year was better than last. I hope next year you post that this day passed by and you didn't realize it till the day after. Sending you strength.

I am sending you virtual hugs..

we went away on the 1 year mark...

think I'll do that again....I tend to look at that day as the day we got our marriage back....

I know I am better today than I was on dday ....

He has shown me with his actions that this is worth fighting for...

Hang in there....sit and reflect....you will see you are better today than you were 2 years ago...

I wish you peace...

Totally understand your feelings. No way do I feel the same as I used to about WH. Hard to deal with knowing about the sexual massages and the actual sex. More than 70 times over 6 years by his (under?) estimation. Like you, I'm just a bit better than I was last year - but I don't think it will ever be the same.

(((2married2quit)))

General statement here is 2-5 years healing......we are quickly approaching the five year antiversary. During all these years reading on SI I can't recall anyone who was healed in two years, but instead recall questions similar to yours and more 2, 3 and 4 years out.

After 35 years together, my H changed our world forever, but almost five years out now, life is good and I would say we've found each other again.

Take good care of yourself and keep working on you.....in the end, you are the only person you can really count on and that lust for life, that feeling of joy ...they come from inside you, not from someone else.

Be kind to yourself...and gift yourself the time you need to heal and grow.

At two years I thought about the events that so disrupted my life multiple times every single day. I was trying, my wife was being more open (but not all the way there) and I felt much like you described. In a few months it will be seven years since I first read text messages on my wife's phone that started the descent into hell, but because my wife has come around and is as she says "doing a living amends" to me, I only have fleeting thoughts of that time anymore. Are things better? Absolutely! We both have worked hard on our marriage, but are things as they were before? Absolutely not! However for all the loss of innocence we are a much more stable and healthy couple then we were back when I thought everything was so perfect. So there is hope if your wayward spouse and you are willing to do the work to heal!

"All I know is an awful lot of love died when I found them."

Wow, Mozzchops. I never heard it put that way. Exactly how I feel. There is still love there but the tank is just low.

My tablet has issues working right when the battery gets low, I guess our m works differently after an a for the same reason. Something to think about today.