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Just Found Out :
Codependency in the Marriage: A BS’s common mistake

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Spelljean ( member #35624) posted at 8:56 PM on Tuesday, September 18th, 2012

bump

WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

posts: 1037   ·   registered: May. 21st, 2012   ·   location: California
id 6023740
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OathswornDad ( member #36742) posted at 9:44 PM on Tuesday, September 18th, 2012

Thank you. I needed to read this. It will hurt so bad not having a partner. But I have to be comfortable with myself if I am going to have any chance at R

[This message edited by OathswornDad at 3:45 PM, September 18th (Tuesday)]

Wayward now:28
WW:32
2 kids: 4 yo and 2 yo
D-day: 9/1/12
Status: divorced

posts: 157   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2012   ·   location: Baton Rouge
id 6023834
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ThoughtIKnewYa ( member #18449) posted at 9:35 PM on Saturday, September 29th, 2012

bump

posts: 12225   ·   registered: Mar. 3rd, 2008
id 6039970
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kannan ( member #36057) posted at 4:59 PM on Sunday, September 30th, 2012

BS ONLY

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:28 AM, December 30th (Tuesday)]

posts: 146   ·   registered: Jul. 8th, 2012
id 6040715
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Hannelore ( member #34546) posted at 6:06 AM on Monday, October 1st, 2012

I just finished reading this whole thread, and I'm literally smiling! I'm codependent and know it! I've made some big scary changes in the last 6 months - I won't say I'm codependent no more but well on my way! Full disclosure is coming up soon, maybe it wont be as horrifying as I imagine ... Do I feel a glimmer of hope for a brighter future?

Me BW - 40s
WH - 40s SA

posts: 162   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2012   ·   location: USA
id 6041498
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Hannelore ( member #34546) posted at 6:11 AM on Monday, October 1st, 2012

Oh - and thank God for this site and all you good people. I take what I need and just leave the rest. Feeling so hopeful is so weird after all these months of darkness and despair. Wow.

Me BW - 40s
WH - 40s SA

posts: 162   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2012   ·   location: USA
id 6041505
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deeplyblue ( new member #36897) posted at 8:48 AM on Friday, October 5th, 2012

Bump!

BS(me):37
WSH: 34
OW: 23
married for 2 1/2 yrs
together for 4 yrs
children : 2
DD 27/7/2012
Status: He wants R, I want S/D.

posts: 33   ·   registered: Sep. 20th, 2012   ·   location: deeplyblue
id 6048157
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Diva0702 ( member #32309) posted at 10:14 AM on Friday, October 5th, 2012

Simply excellent

Me: BW 53
Him: FWH 47
4 wonderful grown children
2 beautiful grandchildren
Married 20 years
Together 23 years
Dday March 10 2010. 4 yr A.
Me: RGN(ret), N.Dip.,BA(Psych),MA (Psych),BA Music.
OW: 55 year old taxi driver

posts: 333   ·   registered: May. 30th, 2011   ·   location: UK
id 6048184
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scangel3 ( member #36164) posted at 1:31 AM on Saturday, October 6th, 2012

Thank you for this, unfortunately me and my wh are at the part where you say:

This can often deteriorate into the sort of marriage where the two partners can neither live together nor live apart

scary place to be!!!

BS-me 31, WH-31, M'd-10 years
DD 10, DS 7, DS 6.5
Dday 03/01/10 (our DD's bday)
A ended 08/31/10-09/02-10 (with multiple ddays in between).TT on 08/2012, 09/04/12, 11/16/2012, 01/2013, 6/25/2013 Says he wants R, but not proving it

posts: 718   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2012   ·   location: Portland
id 6049400
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Carrie22 ( member #32788) posted at 5:29 PM on Saturday, October 6th, 2012

I needed to read this in the wake of a current Dday 2, and wish I had found it in the aftermath of DDay1. Thank you

posts: 51   ·   registered: Jul. 14th, 2011   ·   location: UK
id 6050030
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ThoughtIKnewYa ( member #18449) posted at 9:10 PM on Saturday, October 13th, 2012

weekend bump.

posts: 12225   ·   registered: Mar. 3rd, 2008
id 6059812
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diditagn ( member #3433) posted at 4:36 AM on Thursday, October 18th, 2012

Bump for newbies

Happy people don't have the best things, they make the best with what they have.

posts: 1556   ·   registered: Feb. 12th, 2004   ·   location: WI
id 6065569
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 lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 4:08 PM on Monday, October 22nd, 2012

Bump for Newbies

BS- Me (45)
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
Currently in R.
Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.

posts: 2106   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2010
id 6071134
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 lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 9:12 PM on Monday, November 26th, 2012

bump

BS- Me (45)
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
Currently in R.
Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.

posts: 2106   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2010
id 6116953
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 lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 2:38 PM on Tuesday, November 27th, 2012

bump for beforeandafter

BS- Me (45)
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
Currently in R.
Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.

posts: 2106   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2010
id 6117787
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 lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 4:32 PM on Monday, December 10th, 2012

bumpin'

BS- Me (45)
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
Currently in R.
Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.

posts: 2106   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2010
id 6135120
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Elaine2012 ( member #36099) posted at 6:57 PM on Monday, December 10th, 2012

Bump for me.

Me- 60 ish
WH-no longer relevant
Divorced - May 22, 2014
Dday - Blindsided July 2012
Married 35 years
4 adult DD's, 3 SIL, 6 grandchildren

posts: 303   ·   registered: Jul. 12th, 2012   ·   location: I'm surrounded by majestic mountain ranges
id 6135298
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 lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 4:33 PM on Monday, December 24th, 2012

Bump

BS- Me (45)
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
Currently in R.
Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.

posts: 2106   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2010
id 6151986
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 lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 4:26 PM on Thursday, January 3rd, 2013

Bump for newbies.

BS- Me (45)
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
Currently in R.
Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.

posts: 2106   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2010
id 6162547
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thisissogross ( member #30294) posted at 6:02 AM on Friday, January 18th, 2013



i edit frequently because i have to

posts: 378   ·   registered: Dec. 3rd, 2010   ·   location: southern us
id 6181500
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