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beach (original poster member #7533) posted at 2:52 PM on Wednesday, May 6th, 2009
1DLW,
I haven't been able to do the dialog, it just feels too weird to me. I have found the characteristics of big, little and outer, but I just feel weird making them have a conversation kwim?
Yes, I know what you mean. How about use your favorite stuffed animal as a Little? And you talking to her as a Big you? If you have any trouble remembering the childhood memories, try looking at your pictures when you are little.
Would this help?
[This message edited by beach at 8:53 AM, May 6th (Wednesday)]
If you don't find peace with yourself, you cannot find anywhere else.
Appreciate and cherish what I have.
beach (original poster member #7533) posted at 9:46 PM on Thursday, June 11th, 2009
bump for shyguy 
If you don't find peace with yourself, you cannot find anywhere else.
Appreciate and cherish what I have.
TrustedHer ( member #23328) posted at 11:00 PM on Monday, June 15th, 2009
I'm reading this right now and having trouble with all the dialog stuff.
It just seems so silly and foreign to me. I understand, I think, what she's trying to achieve, but I really don't know if I can ever visualize myself made up of 3 separate beings inside, and facilitating conversations among them.
Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.
WantingGodsHelp ( member #23690) posted at 9:21 AM on Tuesday, June 16th, 2009
I am thinking of buying this one and giving it a go.
BS: me 31
WH: him 32
Married 5 yrs, together for 1 year before M
D-Day: Dec 2008
kids: 0
Status: S
beach (original poster member #7533) posted at 3:31 PM on Tuesday, June 16th, 2009
TrustedHer -
I really don't know if I can ever visualize myself made up of 3 separate beings inside, and facilitating conversations among them.
I tried to explain in 1DLW's question above. I normally did it in my head, but how about try using a stuffed animal as a Little you(helpless infant/toddler) and put it next to you on the sofa and then use something else as an Outer child (Self-centered/ rebelion) put it next to Little.
The situation of missing x and a dialogue would be like this.
Little : " I miss my x (abandoner) and I need to hear his/her voice. I want my x. I want my x. "
Outer: "Why did he/she left me? he needs to take care of me. I will call for you. I should matter to him/her"
You as an adult : "Outer, remember when you called last time, how she/he was cold towards you? NC= No New Hurts. I will take care of you Little. I will not abandon you. I love you no matter what and take care of you for the rest of your life"
I am not sure, if anyone else have other idea, or have tried something else...
WantingGodsHelp -
[This message edited by beach at 10:41 AM, June 16th (Tuesday)]
If you don't find peace with yourself, you cannot find anywhere else.
Appreciate and cherish what I have.
sick_and_sad ( member #22958) posted at 4:27 PM on Tuesday, June 16th, 2009
Just wanted to jump in and say I just bought this, too, and so far am really impressed!
When I get a little farther, I'll come back and read this thread...
Thanks for starting this, beach.
Me 50
Twin boys 16
On our own since 5/21/2009
formerlyteflon ( member #16725) posted at 1:24 AM on Thursday, July 9th, 2009
Very impressed with this book so far.
Count me as one of the readers who never realized how far back my abandonment issues go. My unreliable, untrustworthy parents sure did a number on me!
I was skeptical of the visualization exercises, so imagine my surprise when I started sobbing tears of relief while mentally building my dream house!
I'm quite curious about another of the author's books, From Heartbreak to Connection, but it looks like it's out of print and the lowest price I've found is $55.
“There is a limit to the amount of misery and disarray you will put up with, for love, just as there is a limit to the amount of mess you can stand around a house. You can’t know the limit beforehand, but you will know when you’ve reached it."
FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 1:38 AM on Thursday, July 9th, 2009
Just coming back to say... this book rocks!
DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire
beach (original poster member #7533) posted at 3:17 AM on Thursday, July 9th, 2009
FF - Yey!!
formalytefron - have you checked out half price book store?
If you don't find peace with yourself, you cannot find anywhere else.
Appreciate and cherish what I have.
beach (original poster member #7533) posted at 1:21 AM on Wednesday, July 15th, 2009
Bump
If you don't find peace with yourself, you cannot find anywhere else.
Appreciate and cherish what I have.
sofresh ( member #22912) posted at 6:15 PM on Wednesday, July 15th, 2009
I am reading this book right now, as well as Codependent No More.
ME BW 30 & DS 14 mos.
STBXWH 38 sociopath, SA living with OW 25
D day #1
4 F/R's and corresponding D days
For unhealthy relationships, Dr Seuss would probably say to us…
“Be happy its over, don't cry because it happened”
sofresh ( member #22912) posted at 2:27 AM on Sunday, July 19th, 2009
Thank you Beach for the instructions on speaking to the inner child.
It was truly moving. I am trying it.
I haven't gotten there in t he book yet because of court and respective cross-motions and meetings as well as the bible, and child rearing books
sad, i see my inner child as me when I was about 3/4, Farrah Fawset(sp) hair, crouched over the ground, looking down.
my successful me is, just married in my wedding dress(oblivious me) but nonetheless confidant, radiant, still involved in my artwork and doing well at work.
ME BW 30 & DS 14 mos.
STBXWH 38 sociopath, SA living with OW 25
D day #1
4 F/R's and corresponding D days
For unhealthy relationships, Dr Seuss would probably say to us…
“Be happy its over, don't cry because it happened”
stunned-dad ( member #3488) posted at 7:33 AM on Sunday, July 19th, 2009
http://joy2meu.com/emotional_abuse.html
For those that don't have access to the book the following link contains several modules similar to many of the themes in the book.
Read the first one the click on links of interest including healing the innner child.
BS-Me 47 WS-Wife 40 Kids-D13 S10
DD 11/20/02 Affair lasted 2 1/2 years. OM sexual predator 12+ prior affairs. Wife had suppressed sexual abuse/rape issues she hid.
Life gives us us sorrow so we can have something to measure happiness with.
beach (original poster member #7533) posted at 10:36 PM on Thursday, July 30th, 2009
bump for TexCir.
Thanks for sharing the link, stunned dad.
If you don't find peace with yourself, you cannot find anywhere else.
Appreciate and cherish what I have.
ThriveNotSurvive ( member #22093) posted at 7:12 AM on Wednesday, September 9th, 2009
I just bought this for $3.50 on Amazon. I'm hoping it will help me.
Lets see, my mom divorced my dad and left when I was 6
My best friend committed suicide when I was 13
I suffer from pretty severe social anxiety which is just one rejection and percieved abandonment after another
My first love married me then he went and died 3 months later
Now this infidelity and STBX leaving for OW.
I think like smallmouse I will also be looking into why I am so co-dependant as well.
Strength, Courage, and Wisdom, it was inside of me all along - India Arie
Some women are Angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick if we have to...cuz we're flexible that way.
cd103 ( member #1713) posted at 7:20 PM on Monday, October 5th, 2009
inconnu ( member #24518) posted at 2:03 AM on Monday, November 23rd, 2009
I finally picked this book up today.
There is no joy without gratitude. - Brené Brown
inconnu ( member #24518) posted at 6:17 AM on Monday, November 23rd, 2009
got to the part about the withdrawal stage. wow, that explains so much of how and what I was feeling a month ago.
it's a tough read though. lots of self-examination.
There is no joy without gratitude. - Brené Brown
lucie ( member #6773) posted at 1:34 AM on Monday, November 30th, 2009
Bumping because it's such a great book!
Very happy, the rest doesn't matter anymore.
scout ( member #3986) posted at 7:08 AM on Monday, November 30th, 2009
*waves at beach*
Just wanted to join in with the "This book rocks" crowd. I was first introduced to the book by beach, several years ago here on SI... however I did not read it until my IC made it one of the focal points of my therapy. I wish I had read it sooner after DD. Dealing with the abandonment issues originating in my childhood has finally given me a solid foundation to heal from the pain of infidelity.
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