SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I am almost certain my husband is having another affair. I think if I don't file now then I will become complacent again and comfortable in not feeling uncomfortable, and then cycle will keep continuing. I am a SAHM with a side hustle, but can't support myself. I will go back to work, but have been out of the workforce for awhile, so I honestly, don't know how easy getting a job will be. He definitely can't afford two rents on his own.

Do I file for divorce, while I try and get my life back together? Or is that a terrible idea? We don't have assets to really split, just the custody of the kids and child support, which might be difficult.

I don't want to be erratic here. But this is negatively affecting my mental health and now affecting my kids too.

Any advice is welcome!!

Sometimes the best way to make something happen is just to to start. There is not going to be a better place in time until you take the leap. You will be surprised the way our path can be blessed as we start to take the steps. Not stupid at all, it’s momentum versus being stuck. Don’t have family you could stay with for a little while at all?

I’m a SAHM and have spoken to a couple lawyers, this was one of my questions, who pays for divorce? Both parties do. Yes, you can go ahead and file, put it on a credit card as one lawyer advised. All debt will be divided in divorce and all money will be divided as well. If you’re ready to file, get your free attorney consultations and go from there.

There is nothing truly as "can't afford to get divorced." It might mean some years of financial hardship - sharing a bedroom with your kids or renting a room in someone's house and doing a "nesting" arrangement, but it's not impossible. What would you do if your WS died all of a sudden? What if he abandoned you all and took off somewhere with his AP? For your kids' sakes, I'm sure you'd find a way to manage things.

Check out the Fear vs. Reality thread pinned at the top of this forum. It is really helpful in taking those scary steps toward divorce. There is a lot to worry about, and living with much less money and no job security is super stressful! It won't be easy, but in the long run, if you make prudent choices, you're going to be okay.

Some state recognize separation which can protect your finances. This is really a good question for your lawyer.
And you can always detach and start getting your ducks aligned for D. Retrain, get back in the workforce, whatever is needed.

Thanks everyone! I just contacted 10 attorneys. I think the most important thing for me personally is to keep the momentum going or this will never become a reality.

I just replied on your thread in General, but I'm glad you're taking that first big step! Keep us posted on what they say, and good luck!

I don't know how long you were married. If you were married long enough you may be entitled to a portion of his pension if you don't remarry. You certainly are entitled to your fair share of everything that was bought or owned while married.

The biggest challenge after filing is setting your course to get an income. SAHM's sacrificed years, or decades of our earning potential, expecting to spend forever with one person. When that plan becomes a fractured fairytale, we need to sort how to make up for years of missed income when we retire. Our highest 35 years of income are what Social Security base our checks off of when you retire.

Right now focus on the path ahead, but keep that tidbit of information in the back of your mind. He benefitted from you raising children. Now it's time to sort out the non romantic part of a relationship, the divorce.

He may be required to move or you both may stay put. You will likely get joint custody or full custody if he wants no part of the responsibility. Be prepared for both. He may opt for paying child support so he can have a career. Depending on the ages of your children he may have a number of years of child support to pay, but it's no walk in the park. If you get custody, you have to juggle a job, sick kids, vacations from school, child care, and a million things he won't have to deal with.

Men often take the easy way out, pay child support, spend a few hours here and there and call it "parenting". The real heroes are the ones that get up tired, go to work sick, fix meals, do homework, go to school functions, buy groceries, and do laundry all while being the solo parent other than child support.

The peace of mind of not dealing with infidelity is worth the divorce. You will know where you stand, and can plan accordinly. It won't be a walk in the park, but it will fall into place at some point. Chances are if you suspect he's having an affair he most likely is.

Find out with a free consultation what to focus on, and gather financials. Do as much of the work yourself as you can, and try to remove emotion as much as possible when making life decisions. Don't make them with your heart, make them with your head as a financial plan for YOU as the focus. Let him worry about himself. Don't get caught in a mind game trap of considering his wants or needs above your own. Divorce is messy, but it's a business arrangement that you need to fight and advocate for yourself in.

I hope you find peace in this, but it will drain you. If you have family or friends lean on them while you make decisions.