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I have a paid off house, but it's draining me financially in upkeep. It's my only asset for old age.

I have a job that I hate, but it's the highest wage I could earn. It comes with working with my ex, and having to deal with his newest girlfriend, that he forced me to hire so it causes me constant emotional trauma after two plus decades of his infidelity and abandonment. Him and his latest girlfriend are in my face 24/7, and is a bitter, constant reminder.

All my memories are in this house. It's the place I raised our kids, and a graveyard of memories. It's the only stable thing in my life.

I want to move, possibly across the entire USA to a state that has a lower cost of living. I'm afraid of losing connection with two of my sons.

My dad is 92 in a nursing home. My bonus mom is 82 and not in the best health. They are in Canada, and I live 300 miles away, but I'm the closest to them for family. We are VERY close.

I'm afraid I won't find a job that's enough to keep me stable, but I would have at least $200k-$300k above the cost to buy another house with my savings and anticipated profit share coming in 3 months. Assuming the profit share happens, and the house would sell for roughly what I would anticipate. I would still have a paid off house, but not in an area likely to increase in value like where I'm currently at.

If I go, there's no going back. It would be impossible. This would be a situation where I would have to be "all in". My sister is 10 years older than I am, and she and my neice are there, so I would have some family. The downside is my sister isn't the healthiest and minimum wage there is scary compared to where I'm at.

If I go my daughter and her bf are going too, and my adult son will have to come as he wouldn't have any other options due to his criminal record. He might not be employable there, and could end up not able to support himself. Will they thrive or will they hate it there? Going from a "blue" state to a "red" state is a culture change and could have some pros and cons to deal with.

Has anyone risked it all to move and not look back? I'm not young, I'm almost 63, so time in not on my side. I could wait another year and be better off financially, but not emotionally.

Would you risk it all for a fresh start, a new beginning? Would you stay where you have some financial security until it's unsustainable and find a way to cope with the trauma? I have no medical so therapy isn't an option, and frankly I've not coped in the last 7 years but I think that's largely to do with him sticking each new woman in my face.

This is a crossroads, and fear is a factor. So much to gain, but potentially also so much to lose.

As someone who uprooted his life 3 times for love matter.

Think deeply and carefully about that.
It is very taxing the emotional toll you have now, I understand.

The decision can make sense, but go through it carefully, with some friends, maybe someone who has experience in this kind of relocations. Talk to people, maybe even hire a consultant.
Just not to find yourself unprepared.

IT can be a good step but I know well, you can't go back from some decision, so if you go all in, better to plan ahead very carefully and imagine all possible pitfalls ahead (trust me, there will be always something so challenge your assumptions and paint scenarios)

With heart, I am with you. With mind, I am recommending caution and big planning.
I am not in the US but if I can help to answer some questions (that might be common occurrence) I will be happy to.

Good luck

I did it, and never looked back. I moved to a beautiful place with a much lower cost of living. I answered an ad in the newspaper for a job I had never done before, but in spite of everything my ex had put me through, I decided to have faith in myself. I Fed Exed my resume to them and got the job. I retired from that job 24 years later.

I would strongly recommend you find a job where you want to go before you make the leap and move there. Don't assume you won't find anything. The job market is really strange right now. Employers see more value in middle aged and older workers because they have a strong work ethic, and they are less likely to feel entitled. I've actually read studies to that effect. So start searching. It may take a while but the more you look the more you will find.

I would also suggest that you look up the Chamber of Commerce in the area, because you can get a feel for what types of businesses there are to see if you have the skills for those businesses. Give them a call and ask them if they can steer you to a recruiter in the area. Go for it Girl!

Muggle,

There are states that discourage criminal background checks on applicants. (Or else, every conviction is a life sentence.). These states provide a "safe harbor" for employers that forgo such checks, in many instances.

Maybe look for one of those.

Best wishes.

We've always had some support when we moved.

Have you considered visiting the location you're interested in? Are you a Canadian citizen (subject?)? Can you buy a business? How about using some of your assets to retrain?

A house that's eats your assets and a job you hate ... sounds awful. Change must look very good.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:09 PM, Tuesday, January 20th]

I think ongoing stress and trauma of continuing to work with your abusive ex and his girlfriend is going to kill you long before you can retire. Also, from what I've read in your posts, your ex is a very shady businessman and is dishonest is both his relationships and his financial affairs. If his business went under or he was under investigation-- and either/both those things could happen at some point-- you would be screwed. You are better off if you quit on your terms, and not his or someone else's.

People move for a lower cost of living all the time. If you have a good relationship with your children, that won't change because you need to move. There will be challenges for them if they move with you but they are adults. If you were to drop dead tomorrow, they would need to figure out a way to short themselves out.

sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 10:08 AM on Tuesday, January 20th, 2026

We've always had some support when we moved.

Have you considered visiting the location you're interested in? Are you a Canadian citizen (subject?)? Can you buy a business? How about using some of your assets to retrain?

I'm a US citizen, born in CA. My dad relocated to Canada when I was a teenager and eventually married a Canadian woman.

I don't have enough disposable income to buy a business. I'm no spring chicken, so retraining for 4 working years before I'm 67 might not be viable.

I have visited the location for 10 days earlier this year. I didn't do a ton of investigating as I got sick for a few days while there. I could move anywhere as long as I can sustain myself. I would prefer to go somewhere that I have family. My sister lives there and so does my niece and she seems to think I'll be fine.

BluerThanBlue ( member) posted at 10:24 AM on Tuesday, January 20th, 2026
I think ongoing stress and trauma of continuing to work with your abusive ex and his girlfriend is going to kill you long before you can retire

You might be right. He could get worse, he seems to be better when he has money. This two month job could solve some issues for him financially. He could also lose it all with his lawsuit and other problems. I can't predict how that will unfold, I'm not stepping out of my lane for him anymore in any "wife energy" way. I won't be cruel but it's not my place to go above and beyond anymore. He replaced me, so she can step up for him. Wife energy is above my pay grade.

He sent me a nasty zodiac video in messenger yesterday instead of the usual funny PUGS one. This one talked about how his "Sign" is a psychopath and how they can have once loved you deeply but can cut you off like you mean nothing and not lose sleep over it but you won't survive their silence. How when they're done with you they done forever, and a bunch of other things that fit him not me for behaviors. It was a warning that I'm disposable to him. I didn't respond. Crickets.

I already got the message years ago trust me. I'm nothing to him, never meant anything, and I'm forgettable. Made me laugh, thinking "is that all you got"?

All this started after I clarified that his gf was being paid for something none of the rest of his employees were getting, and that he needed to decide to pay for all or pay for none.