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Newest Member: IHateEverything

Divorce/Separation :
Year long separation requirement completed today

Topic is Sleeping.
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 Kanashii (original poster member #80132) posted at 4:04 PM on Wednesday, May 24th, 2023

My year long separation requirement is complete as of today. I can begin filing for divorce as the wait is over! It feels surreal, knowing that he walked out of our home a year ago today and that I can finally begin legally splitting from STBXWH. It's also triggering as heck as my mind is replaying all that STBXWH (and my mother) put me through back then. Things never really got better during the year from hell. I've lost "mutual friends" who were really STBXWH/COW's friends. STBXWH has repeatedly shown he doesn't care about schedules (visiting his son/otherwise) and refuses to listen as "scheduling anything makes him want to die" (including hearing in advance any event scheduled for our child). Extended family has shown that they either don't take what STBXWH is doing seriously (in-laws) or that they'd prefer to add to the drama and make my divorce about themselves (my mother/my side of the extended family).


I will be contacting my lawyer later today about getting the paperwork started so that hopefully - in the next two months - it will all be over. I'm not sure if I want to go back to my maiden name as I have so many documents and bills that would have to be changed as well. A part of me would like to take my maiden name back, but then I wouldn't share my last name with my son anymore. I'm also nervous about the fallout with my in-laws in divorcing STBXWH. Right now they're cordial with me so that my son has decent exchanges between the houses for supervised visitation. I don't know if that will continue to be the case when property has to be split up and it becomes official that I'm no longer with their son.

Me - BW Mid 30'sHim - XWH Mid 30's

D-day1: Christmas Night 2021 D-day2:6/5/22

Filed for divorce 6/6/23. Divorce final 9/5/23

posts: 77   路   registered: Mar. 23rd, 2022   路   location: United States
id 8792329
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 6:19 PM on Wednesday, May 24th, 2023

Congratulations and good luck!

I kept my married name for a few reasons, and one of them was so I didn't have to go through all of the name change paperwork. For your SSN & driver's license, you have to wait for the D to be final & provide a copy of the D certificate. I wasn't that strongly attached to my maiden name & my married last name is easier for people to understand.

I hope the fallout with the in-laws is minimal.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 2683   路   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   路   location: Washington State
id 8792359
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Edie ( member #26133) posted at 8:12 PM on Wednesday, May 24th, 2023

Congratulations Kanashi, now you can really
look forward 馃槉

Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 kids 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) R'd.

posts: 6587   路   registered: Nov. 9th, 2009   路   location: Europe
id 8792378
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Forks027 ( member #59996) posted at 1:38 AM on Thursday, May 25th, 2023

STBXWH has repeatedly shown he doesn't care about schedules (visiting his son/otherwise) and refuses to listen as "scheduling anything makes him want to die" (including hearing in advance any event scheduled for our child).

Gee, pretty much anything makes him wanna die, huh? rolleyes

In other news, great to hear that you can finally get the ball rolling. One step forward.

posts: 518   路   registered: Aug. 4th, 2017
id 8792415
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 Kanashii (original poster member #80132) posted at 6:08 PM on Friday, May 26th, 2023

@leafields: Because of everything I've had to deal with I'm leaning towards not making the change official, but using the maiden name unofficially for most everything I do. Changing the name might be too much energy and effort to do and cause more headaches down the road.

@Forks027: Basically anything will make him feel guilt, want to die, like he's a failure, etc etc. Before his affair I couldn't even say, "Hey, I miss you and want to be around you more" without him saying I made him feel bad/guilt for not being around due to him being at work -before and after hours. My stress level has gone down a lot not having to walk on eggshells for STBXWH as you never knew if something you said would be used to make you the bad guy- making him feel bad again.

@Edie: Thanks for the congrats! The only other people I can tell in real life are my sister and one friend as they'll actually be happy for me. It's hard to look forward when you're stuck in the middle of all this. sad

Me - BW Mid 30'sHim - XWH Mid 30's

D-day1: Christmas Night 2021 D-day2:6/5/22

Filed for divorce 6/6/23. Divorce final 9/5/23

posts: 77   路   registered: Mar. 23rd, 2022   路   location: United States
id 8792752
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 9:00 PM on Friday, May 26th, 2023

Congrats on making it to this milestone. There is light at the end of the tunnel鈥

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 5597   路   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   路   location: Northern CA
id 8792777
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 Kanashii (original poster member #80132) posted at 4:45 PM on Saturday, June 3rd, 2023

Thanks BearlyBreathing! My lawyer is getting things together so that I can sign and file next week. A part of me is a bit scared to take this step as I've been with STBXWH since I was 12 years old (2/3 of my life). It will be nice to continue figuring out who the "me" is instead of the "we" when I'm no longer legally in limbo with him.

Me - BW Mid 30'sHim - XWH Mid 30's

D-day1: Christmas Night 2021 D-day2:6/5/22

Filed for divorce 6/6/23. Divorce final 9/5/23

posts: 77   路   registered: Mar. 23rd, 2022   路   location: United States
id 8793764
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 6:30 AM on Sunday, June 4th, 2023

Think of it as an adventure. To infinity and beyond!

Anything new I try, I think of it as an adventure. Some end well and others don't, but it's still an adventure.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 2683   路   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   路   location: Washington State
id 8793828
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 Kanashii (original poster member #80132) posted at 9:27 PM on Tuesday, June 6th, 2023

Thanks leafields! It's not an adventure I would have ever chosen for myself but at this point there's no marriage worth saving anymore.

I just filed for divorce today. Very mixed emotions about the whole thing. Depending on how quickly this all goes through I could be legally free either right before or right after what would have been our ten year wedding anniversary.

Me - BW Mid 30'sHim - XWH Mid 30's

D-day1: Christmas Night 2021 D-day2:6/5/22

Filed for divorce 6/6/23. Divorce final 9/5/23

posts: 77   路   registered: Mar. 23rd, 2022   路   location: United States
id 8794190
Topic is Sleeping.
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