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Reconciliation :
Formal Disclosure & Polygraphs ?

Topic is Sleeping.
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 HeBrokeMe68 (original poster new member #82370) posted at 2:54 AM on Saturday, May 20th, 2023

I would love to hear advice, opinions, & feedback from any couples who have done a formal Full Disclosure in their therapists office and/or polygraph with their wayward partners.

Did it help you in any way ?

Was it therapeutic for you ?

Did you feel as if you were finally getting the honest truth(s) ?

Did it help you go forward into the reconciliation process with a deeper understanding ?

My husband is a sex addict and he has tortured me with trickle truths since the initial D-Day 9 months ago. He's trying his best to be brutally honest in his life now and has given his all in his recovery. I can see the change(s) in him, how he behaves, how he interacts with me and others, how he cares for himself and how he's re-learning his response to stressors that don't involve self-soothing from sexual behaviors. The betrayal trauma for me has been immense and I still have work to do on my end as well to heal myself. I was hoping that a Formal Disclosure & polygraph would help part of this process.

We have moments where we can talk about sordid details & I feel that he is being very honest, but he never comes forward with the information on his own (he never ever has). He is very frustrated with me in saying that he's told me everything, but he's a bad liar and I can sense that there is more he has not told me about. I somehow feel like I just cant go forward wholeheartedly unless I feel like he's made efforts to be brutally honest with me, even as much as it hurts me. The endless lies have eroded much hope I've had that he is willing to be completely vulnerable with me in his honesty.

Does anyone have ANY experience with this ?

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[This message edited by HeBrokeMe68 at 2:55 AM, Saturday, May 20th]

Betrayed SpouseD-Day Aug 29 2022 w/ongoing trickle truths. He did it to punish me.

I love him. I hate him.

Trying to reconcile

posts: 22   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2022   ·   location: CA
id 8791813
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Edie ( member #26133) posted at 1:37 PM on Monday, May 22nd, 2023

Hopefully someone will come along who fits the bill of what you’re asking. But in essence it seems you want a full timeline, whether through therapy witnessing or polygraph, and a timeline, preferably written, is definitely something most at SI see as a prerequisite to R, so you will find full support here for that. That then provides the basis from which you can ask any further questions about whys, details etc so you can get as full a picture as you need. Most WSs don’t seem to offer info on their own initiative so yours is no different in that respect although the SA may add another layer of shame and denial to the TT mix. There used to be a thread in I Can Relate for SA and it may be helpful also to post there.

Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 kids 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) R'd.

posts: 6639   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2009   ·   location: Europe
id 8792003
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 4:52 PM on Monday, May 22nd, 2023

If an A was not a drunken ONS, it's impossible to do a full disclosure in a therapy session - there's just too much info to be shred, and it takes much longer to describe a sitch than to be in it.

That's where the timeline fits in - it allows the BS to ask questions to the BS's content, and it allows the BS to take in the info, consider it as long as the BS wants to consider it, and ask more questions.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 29941   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8792032
Topic is Sleeping.
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