Completely lost, crushed, devastated, shocked, destroyed and most importantly, empty. Was how I felt the day I found out my ex was cheating.
I’m sorry you find yourself here, BetrayedDad, my heart goes out to you.
First and foremost, you need to know, her cheating, had/has nothing to do with you. Often in betrayal the wayward spouse begins blaming the faithful spouse for a lack of something. Whether it be unmet needs, lack of appreciation/affection, emotional connection, etc. It’s all bullshit. Your wife and only your wife made the choice to cheat. If she hit someone with a car and you were at home, you wouldn’t be to blame. There is no difference in this situation, except that her choice now has an immeasurable impact on your current life and future to come
I highlight that because you are still so fresh to betrayal, and if the blame hasn’t come yet, it will. They always do. We have a term for it, blameshifting. Don’t allow yourself to fall for it.
But what concerns me the most is you blaming yourself. I have no idea if you are in fact doing that, and it could be me projecting, but I know for me, I was desperate to save my marriage. Which led me to blaming myself for her straying. Because if I was to blame, than I could fix what was wrong and ultimately, save the marriage I was so desperate to save.
If you hear anything from the responses you get , please let it be this - take care of yourself, first and always, then your kids. Your wife can wait, no amount of backflips will guide her back and none of them will benefit you.
Try and get as much sleep as possible. Excerise, a half hour walk a day is better than nothing. Make sure to prioritize food and water, even if you don’t feel like it.
Take care of your, BetrayedDad. Once, I’m terribly sorry.