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Newest Member: PowerWithin

Divorce/Separation :
Breaking NC

Topic is Sleeping.
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 Littleyellow (original poster new member #74293) posted at 9:58 AM on Thursday, December 23rd, 2021

Now I’ve found a receipt in his truck for a coffee and a TEA. He doesn’t drink f**king tea. It was a day he was out buying Christmas gifts. Said it was his mate but why would he not have mentioned being with him! I want to contact him but as far as I’m aware he doesn’t know about the A so I’ll look like a psycho asking "did you have a tea with WS" . She (AP) lives 2 hours away from us which is my only hope that it wouldn’t be her.

[This message edited by Littleyellow at 10:00 AM, Thursday, December 23rd]

posts: 12   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2020
id 8705605
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TruthIsPower ( member #75776) posted at 12:55 PM on Thursday, December 23rd, 2021

Said it was his mate but why would he not have mentioned being with him! I want to contact him but as far as I’m aware he doesn’t know about the A so I’ll look like a psycho asking "did you have a tea with WS" .

Dear Littleyellow, you drive yourself into insanity, not out of infidelity crying

If it is going to help you to know what happened that day, calm yourself first, and then call that guy, in a calm voice ask him something like that you would like to know when they last met and where. You have a right to know under your circumstances. Obviously, no warnings to your WS.

I'm going got PM you the link to the book "Love must be tough".

[This message edited by TruthIsPower at 1:28 PM, Thursday, December 23rd]

"Stop giving people the reasons to love you. Not all will see the beauty of your soul. Those who know, those who know who you are, will love you with something fierce and never let you go. Those are the ones worth holding out for."

posts: 179   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2020   ·   location: US
id 8705610
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MIgander ( member #71285) posted at 3:05 PM on Thursday, December 23rd, 2021

Do you want to be in a situation where you're looking at receipts for the rest of your life?

I'm a WW and I did a TON of minimizing when I was in the middle of my affair fog. Saying words like "just XYZ", deleting messages and putting the blame of interactions on my AP. He sounds just like me.

1st, why is he deleting messages? Why isn't he coming to you and saying, "hey, I know this is going to hurt, but AP contacted me. I haven't spoken back to her, but I wanted you to know. I'm trying to gain your trust by being open."

Also, why has he not blocked her on all forms of social media/contact?? NC is huge for a reason- it's the only way you can even start to trust and stop reliving your horror from the affair.

Why is he picking up the phone when she calls? Why does he still care about her stupid dog? She's not his woman and it's not his business to be shoring her up in a difficult time. That's what family and girlfriends are for. This is a HUGE lesson I had to learn.

Your husband doesn't sound remorseful- he sounds just like me when I was thick in the fog of my A. Even if physical contact isn't ongoing, it sounds like he's still in an EA with this woman.

Do you want to continue to live like this? You can start the D process, serve him and slow walk it or stop if you see the progress you need. HOWEVER, you've got to be honest with yourself whether this is a partner you can stay married to- someone who doesn't put you first, doesn't own their shit and doesn't seem to want to work on it for his own sake as well as yours.

Do you want to be with someone who is uninterested in doing the work to help you feel safe enough to begin healing?

WW Dday July 2019

posts: 663   ·   registered: Aug. 15th, 2019   ·   location: Michigan
id 8705622
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Forks027 ( member #59996) posted at 6:49 PM on Thursday, December 23rd, 2021

Now I’ve found a receipt in his truck for a coffee and a TEA. He doesn’t drink f**king tea. It was a day he was out buying Christmas gifts. Said it was his mate but why would he not have mentioned being with him!

Now it's just one lie after another. LY, please consider very carefully if this is really the guy you want to stay with. He's no longer the husband you thought you knew. Is the fear of him going to her really that strong that you're willing to play jail warden for the rest of your marriage?

posts: 393   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2017
id 8705649
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cancuncrushed ( member #28156) posted at 1:57 AM on Monday, December 27th, 2021

After knowing your pain. After threatening his marriage before with cheating. After only one year. He talks to her

Is it really only one time? It was a lengthy conversation. It’s sentimental holidays. Could there be cards or gifts? Once trust has been damaged you can never know. Can you believe any part of his story?

You felt suspicious. For how long? Something was clearly off. If things were off. Why only one call?

These are the questions I would be asking. Did he not see or learn from the previous damage ? It was worth it to him. Again.

This sad puppy dog act. Doesn’t float. He’s tempted by her. And he’s acting on it.

See it. We all have hung on to hope. We have tried. You can’t save a marriage by yourself.

A year is nothing in the time span of adultery. Your still heartbroken from the first round.

The detective work will drive you into insanity. Without real proof. See. It’s right there.

I had to learn to see. And accept. My ex was a cheater. No remorse.

Did he not believe I would divorce him? Ever?

Or did he not care if I divorced him?

Because he did nothing to prevent a divorce.

This is not love

[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 2:11 AM, Monday, December 27th]

a trigger yesterday

posts: 4770   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2010   ·   location: athome
id 8706088
Topic is Sleeping.
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