SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My wife and I have been following this AM “hack” since it came out

We came to this site because a google search for AM hacked profiles brought us here.

We both have had a few interesting conversations with friends and family over the last few days about this and thought we would share them as no one else has really mentioned this.

First this doesn’t seem like a “typical hack”

The hacking group in question mentions a lot of names of people inside AM and even makes an apology to one of the AM employees.

The comments made by this hacking group seem to be personally directed at the AM CEO and one or two other people.

It almost seems like a personal vendetta by this person or hacking group.

We were thinking instead of a group this might be a disgruntled employee or ex-employee of AM

Maybe someone who worked in IT and was high enough in the food chain to have the keys to the kingdom I.E. all the admin passwords for the AM systems or had the ability it acquire them.

Second we all agree cheating is wrong.

But many bad things could possibly happen when all this data comes out.

We have thought of a few things.

1 Best case the couple works on whatever problems they have and works it all out.

2 middle of the road case they separate and the divorce lawyers buy new Jags

3 Worst case One or both of them are mentally unstable and this outing causes things to get physical which could result in some domestic violence maybe murder or a murder suicide possibly involving the entire immediate family including the kids.

You may think that is far-fetched but it has happened in the past and out of 30 million plus users we think the odds are fairly good some of them are pretty unbalanced.

At first thought this AM hack seems pretty funny unless of course you are on AM LOL

But once you give it some serious thought there is real potential for people to get physically hurt by the release of all this data.

30 plus million users is a lot of people so the potential the release of this data could affect someone we know or someone in our families is pretty high.

Lastly we won’t argue about if reposting the info the hacker or hackers released is right or wrong.

However in some jurisdictions it is illegal to repost information that was knowingly obtained through illegal means.

But before copying and pasting people’s names and addresses from the AM hack you might want to consider all of the above before you do.

Yes you are outing a cheater but you could possibly be helping ruining or ending lives by doing so.

If any of you are wondering

Yes my wife and I have both been cheated on (this is our second marriage)

So we know what it feels like.

But we also both know very well how when something like this comes out it affects more than just the husband and wife

Just our two cents

D and H

But many bad things could possibly happen when all this data comes out.

The bad things that might happen because this info is going to be leaked, are not happening because AM was hacked.

They will happen because someone cheated. They will happen because they've been caught.

All of the consequences you give are a result of the cheater's actions.

Those consequences of having an affair..and the fallout..are avoidable and predictable.

There are more than 40,000 members here on this site already...and this is the first time AM has been hacked. WE know that affairs affect more than just the two BS and WS.

Im not sure why it matters WHY AM was hacked...disgruntled employee..or a pro..who cares? The BS's deserve to know the truth...can't say I really care that the cheater is going to be embarrassed.

Lives are not ruined because website was hacked. Lives were ruined the minute they decided to cheat..and followed through with doing just that.

ETA: You're imagining all the bad things that will happen. What about the good?

The BS will finally realize they're not crazy. They will understand why their marriage has been "off" lately. They will stop falling all over themselves to meet the demands of a selfish ashole who likes cake.

Imagine all the lives that will be saved..because the BS found out..before their WS exposed them to a deadly STD.

The truth is a gift. It hurts. It sucks. But I would rather know the truth, than live a lie. Of course, that's just me. Im sure there will be BS's who would rather never know. But I value myself more than that.

[This message edited by confused615 at 11:18 AM, July 24th (Friday)]

Whilst I agree with the majority of what has been said and think these sites are disgusting, release of this info makes me nervous as hell. For those people who worked hard and managed to save their M without making it public to the world (for their own pride and privacy rather than to protect their partner), the release of this info could potentially cause so much gossip. All those who have successfully gone through R, only to have it all dragged up again. Split opinion, as the undiscovered cheaters shouldn't be allowed to get away with it...

D and H,

While I understand what you are saying, these people CHOSE to sign up and cheat.

My WH tried to commit suicide months after he was caught. I had two DDays. Three if you count the last week we were together before I left him when he confessed to being on CL (craigslist) again.

While it was the scariest thing I had ever been through, it was his choice to create this mess by cheating.

The BS is being exposed to STDs, and in some cases there could be an OC (other child). My husband could have exposed me to aids.

Yes. There probably will be awful things that happen because of this. I do not condone violence at all and there is NO excuse for it. The BS has a right to know though.

In my case, my WH lied to me about who he was.... TOTALLY. By the time I knew who he really was it was far to late. I was married and had our son on the way. He would mope around the house before DDay and just be a total misery. He had no enthusiasm for anything (but CL obviously). I thought I was being an awful GF or something. We are now back together and working hard in R. To this day I'm so thankful I found out, or I would have continued blaming myself.

But once you give it some serious thought there is real potential for people to get physically hurt by the release of all this data.

No, people get hurt by cheating and lies, not by truth and information. Betrayed spouses have the right to know and whether exposed by a hacked or otherwise, a BS is likely to eventually find out.

That said, I'm more concerned for BSs who would like to keep this private. I sure didn't want the world to know about my WHs cheating.

If this hacker really wanted to punish cheaters, it'd be awesome if they could get the info just to the BSs!

D and H, I was not aware you could sign up as a couple. Did you come to SI to work on your M or get over your infidelity? I'm looking forward to hearing your story. Was AM involved in either of your cheating experience?

Anyone using Ashley Madison--or choosing to cheat by other means--has actually made the choice to accept consequences for his/her infidelity.

Hacking does not cause the fallout from infidelity.

Infidelity does.

I find it most interesting that two different people have apparently joined SI for the sole reason of trying to get us to see what harm will come if this information comes out. Someone might even DIE!

As I said earlier, I am one of the innocent people who would be exposed...I joined to spy on my FWH in those insane early days...he would have had to have a secret credit card that he somehow paid with cash for me to have not known, as I manage the finances. Shows how crazy this shit makes you. I also have a last name which is shared by less than 30 families in the U.S. My FWH has known for years what I did, he honestly did not know AM existed. (or he's a damn fine actor). He prefers to find his AP in real life as he is a KISA.

But I am still glad they got hacked, and fine with being exposed. I would happily explain the situation to anyone who asked, and fuck them if they don't believe me. As other posters have said, it's not the hacking that is the problem. It is the CHEATiNG,

[This message edited by latebloomer45 at 5:04 PM, July 24th (Friday)]

I agree there will be a lot of angst that will come out of revealing the names and families will face embarrassment...but cheating is not a victimless action.

If we were talking about a pedophile website being hacked I doubt anybody would be worrying about the blowback from such a release of names. Everybody would realize that yeah, it is going to embarrassing to the spouse and kids, but these people are hurting children...it must be stopped.

Child abuse is clearly a worse situation but infidelity destroys families, often leaves the stay-at-home spouse in a difficult financial situation, children are traumatized, often chronic depression or even suicide attempts can follow a D-Day. BS's can be infected with STDs and their mental stability can be challenged by gaslighting & TTing waywards. Cheaters should be stopped. Stopped before they have kids, before they infect the BS with a disease, before they spend the entire family's savings on the AP and before they do more damage.

[This message edited by DMS88 at 5:07 PM, July 24th (Friday)]

When the data comes out it will undoubtedly be available on the Tor Network (one billion percent anonymous). It's not completely straightforward how to get into it so when it is released I will provide clear and concise instructions on how to use this network. It will get you 99% of the way to obtaining the information. Obviously reposting this information is highly illegal and it would not be in this site's best interest to harbor such data.

If any mods would like I'd be happy to clear the instructions first. Hint: it will not be much more than googling "how to use the Tor network"

Google "Tor network adult friend finder"

To the person who asked about Anonymous being a BS, no they are a self proclaimed "hacktivist" group that shuts down or leaks info from site they find to be morally questionable, which is rather funny seeing as how they all hung out on 4chan which is the more vile website I have ever seen that wasn't on the "deep web"

@eric1 - LOL, I was just wondering how many of the leaked names would be TOR users.

Oh and for any who do end up using TOR for anything at all, be careful there is some TRULY messed up stuff on the internet, some things you just can't unsee.

[This message edited by cheatingwho at 11:51 PM, July 25th (Saturday)]

What is really sad is that people are being hurt whether they do or not release the names. Personally, I HOPE the names are released because then maybe society will get a grip on how absolutely awful AM and cheating on someone you promised to love. Actions have consequences and if they aren't outed it continues and continues until marriage, committment, the "family". trust, honor and love are 100% a damn joke.

If unstable folks find out and commit murder, that simply has to be collateral damage as unfortunate as that is. Life IS short...but you DON'T get a free pass to have an affair. This site should have to PAY for their crimes against society. It made me laugh like hell when it was said that THEY brought LAW ENFORCEMENT on board to bring the culprits to justice. WHAT kind of fucking insane logic is THAT??

The damage is done the moment the WS sets up a profile on a site like that. Full stop. They take the risk, and they risk our own lives as we know them and our mental and physical health, the moment they make that kind of dumb, sick decision. I hope every one of them gets caught out, and especially, I hope this hack raises serious debate & helps people to understand what really happens with affairs.

Prior to finding this site, pretty much everything I encountered on the web, the accepted wisdom on affairs, was extremely superficial and ignorant. One- or two-page articles which stressed how the causes of the affair were often to be found within the relationship, and how the affair could be used to build a new, more wonderful, more understanding relationship between the two people.

another one. Ha ha ha.

I read one interesting book, "Why Love Hurts", by Eva Ilouz, a sociologist. She goes into the effect of internet & the seemingly infinite choice it creates on love & relationships. I don't think there is enough analysis of this. The common idea seems to be it's just another way for people to do what they were going to do anyway. I disagree - I think it creates a whole new set of parameters, changes the way people think of relating, makes it almost impossible not to objectify others, makes people think "connecting" ie superficial compatibility & ease can replace really relating. Etc.

Update: As I posted a month ago, I am someone who joined years ago, trying to find my WH. And that email is exposed.

WH knows, isn't thrilled, but it's not an email address I have used since 2009, and as I said before, I am willing to explain to anyone who might find out. And don't much care what anyone thinks.

Wish in all the insanity I had considered this might happen...but I'm OK with it.

Same as late bloomer - I signed up last month to look for my WS - Mr prostitute head,I didnt find him, however found myself - LOL. I didnt post a pic or fantasy either.

Today in my city there was a radio program where they had access to the data dump, a lady called in under an alias and gave them her husbands email and details, she was saying how he was acting differently ( all the standard stuff ) , they checked and he was on there, she was so distressed , I felt really sad for her.

And yes, watch SI membership grow 10 fold...!

Yeah, I remember only putting in required info, trying to be as boring as possible...condom use required, vaginal sex only, no pics, no fantasy, admitted I was fat....still got over 600 hits in the week or so before I quit.

I think the hack is a good thing. I hope it spurs a much more serious conversation about the damage and pain caused by infidelity. Maybe the smug assholes who try to blame the betrayed spouse might think twice when they see how rampant it is. Maybe people will take those of us who speak of the absolute devastation caused by infidelity more seriously.

I do feel for the people who are finding out that their life as they know it is a lie. I even sort of feel for the people who used the site and have done the really hard work to become good and safe people, even if I think they are a very, very tiny minority.

At the very least, it's one more resource for those of us who may go on a date to vet a potential match.

A big fat class action for mental anguish would be nice...The BS should sue AM for enabling such behavior and then the WS could sue AM for breach ...

Then maybe people will think twice before betraying their loved one(s).