MTaylor,
Sorry, but here is the first 2x4. Please excuse me but i think you need to hear it.
First, you should not give a fuck about what she thinks about HIS future happiness, but her answer is a BIG red flag indicating she is still in the fog, big time. She showed no anger at all that this guy is attempting to do something that will surely end her marriage, namely making contact with her again.
I am not familiar with the Dr. Hartley letter, but my guess is is that is was very polite and requested he behave in a certain way and did not give him any consequences if he continued to pursue your wife. You should NOT have to be considering moving because you cannot stop this guy from attempting to fuck your wife. Tonight, i would unblock her phone and read what he responded without her seeing it. it will probably indicate he has no intention of listening to it.
Too bad about her mid life crisis. You are the same age and you did not fuck another woman, so that crap is just a justification that has not gone from her mind as a validation of her feelings to do this, not once but twice. The second time could not be attributed to ANY mistake. it was a totally conscious decision.
I told you this yesterday, but i will tell you again. If you do not be MORE than just vigilant in a small town with a woman whose wherabouts you have no clue of, here is what is going to happen
(1) he can use someone elses phone to call her and she will probably answer the phone. Why won't you change the phone number???? Then there is absolutely no way he can reach her unless he guesses the new number. Same with e mail address
(2)She first started this at pick up place at school on first day. if you cannot or don't hire a PI, you should take a few hours off from work and follow her and see if she talks to him that day because you know they will both be there. I hope you have told her that you expect her to walk away and that you will not accept it was just a friendly conversation. That is NOT no contact.
The techies here can tell you how you can easily track her movements, and you need to get copies of your phone bills that will show all calls received and texts, the numbers that they came from. Do not tell her you are doing this.
Lastly, i would NOT let her go to IC. I would go to MC WITH her. The reason being that you will know what she is telling the therapist. Waywards lie all the time in IC and you will have no clue.
Also, there are numerous examples on this forum of idiot therapists who do not think affairs are that bad. One guy had a wife whose girlfriend was a therapist and recommended Ashley Madison to her to help her start an affair. You need to find a therapist and TELL them that the first order of business is stopping her from staying in this fog before the mid life crisis get used as an excuse. THERE ARE NO ACCEPTABLE EXCUSES.
I know this is hard, no one said it was going to be easy, but the fact is if she had not confessed, she would be fucking him daily and you would have no clue. And right now all you have is her word, the word of someone whose less than a month ago, totally betrayed you.
If you take the easy road, unfortunately you will be back again with more devastating news. i hope you are reading some of the other threads. The men who took the hard stand, took no prisoners, in most cases came out far ahead of those the played Mr. Nice Guy.
The choice is obviously yours. i hope you do the right things for your own sake and happiness