SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

hi guys, i post here sometimes just asking for prayer. my wh is being released from jail next week. i am very excited and miss him terribly. my ds who is seven asked me when dad is coming home and i told him. my son has been counting days. i have been spending an awful amount of time just waiting for his release...sad

my prayer request is that i want to be firm and he not live with us right away. he is petty thief and goes in and out of jail. i want to be atleast strong enought to wait 30 days. but is this what i want? or do what I think God wants me to do. someone mentioned "love must be tough" i really need that book. I have been grovelling and stuff too long

he has told me things about his past he has never acknowledged before. he just cannot remember the last time he cheated...

Praying for you Wow- so much going on for you. I do hope you can stick to your 30 day plan. Please take your time and see what your Wh does. What do you want him to do? Give up a life of crime? While you are waiting why don't you take time to plan and think about what YOU want.

You and your son deserve to live with respect and dignity. Also a safe environment free from worry about criminal activity. Sounds like you want him to live an honest life in ALL areas.

Praying for you to have the strength and courage to stand up for what you want and need!

Have any of you read the blog 4 little fergusons? When I get discouraged or hopeless I usually start reading the divorce forum. Yesterday, I know this wasn't helping me because I don't want a divorce and we're both working hard to survive this. I googled infidelity blog which led me to this woman's blog. She has a tab labeled surviving infidelity coincidentally. I cried reading her story and it was just the encouragement I needed to keep on keeping on. I felt a pang of sadness when I thought about how I wished my husband would pray with me but then I read this verse posted on that blog:

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. - Exodus 14:14

Jesus fought hard for me as I resisted for years. And yet, he kept calling me back. The lost sheep. He didn't give up on me when I gave him every reason to. He loves my husband every bit as much as he loves me and is fighting for him just as hard as he fights for me. I can be content knowing that it's my job to pray for my husband, not try to force Christianity on him. I hope and pray daily that we'll survive this horrible storm. But today, I also trust Him and have peace that whatever happens tomorrow or next week or next year, he'll be there with me, leading me and I can rely on his promises.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships,in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-11

In this total brokenness, he finds me. In my weakness he gives me strength. Today, I find joy in that promise.

VirginiaRegret,

In this total brokenness, he finds me. In my weakness he gives me strength. Today, I find joy in that promise.

I can relate to this on so many levels. My sister in law asked me this yesterday "So, how did you do it in the beginning?". My response to her was this "I prayed; Lord give me your strength, courage, wisdom, knowledge, understanding, healing, peace & joy. Lord I have none of things on my own and I can not go the distance in the journey you have set me on without them."

"It would appear he has answered my prayers."

I was totally broken like you VirginiaRegret (your name should be brave heart instead). Like I said I had nothing in me to go the distance. All I had was the ability to pray. God supplied the rest. It was his strength, courage, wisdom, knowledge, understanding, healing, peace & joy that got me the distance I have gotten to so far. For which I am eternally grateful to God. For which I will give him all the credit, glory and praise and take none for myself. I am grateful for him allowing me to be a spectator in his mighty works with you and the others here. May his mighty works continue.

I would like to share this excerpt from a devotional i just read.

When life is crap and you feel abandoned by everyone you know, God understands you (the cross). When your friends fall asleep on you, betray you, and act as if they don’t even know you, God knows what this feels like (Peter). When your friend dies the second you leave town and you did not get to say good-bye, and all you can do is sob even if you do believe he will live again, God has felt the same way (Lazarus). God knows how ugly-awesome being human can feel, all right.

The cross does not signal to us that our suffering will soon stop or even become meaningful, but instead offers hope that it might someday come to be redeemed in spite of its possible meaninglessness. I believe the only meaning—if we can even call it that—found in deep suffering may well be that we are not alone in it. I believe God is present whenever and wherever we suffer, God’s face sitting right there in the pile of manure life has dropped in your lap. I believe that God’s presence can comfort. “As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you” (Isaiah 66:13).

Thank you Virginia&HIHN for sharing your devotionals...

I have my favorites that I have shared as well...they all have a common feel...peace...forgiveness...and livingin the now....what a beautiful message...

I know that I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for the fact that I personally believe in something bigger than me that offers hope...

peace

Good Monday Morning!

This was my devotional this morning...

Good News

Monday, July 25, 2016

The word "Gospel" means "Good News." The reason it's called the Good News is because--surprise of surprises--mistake, failure, and sin are part of the salvation equation. I want to share again these words from Julian of Norwich, because they are so powerful: "First there is the fall, and then we recover from the fall. Both are the mercy of God!" [1] Even the fall is the mercy of God. How scandalous! We've spent all our life trying to avoid the fall because we didn't want to look bad. Yet spirituality isn't about perfection. The journey of human and spiritual development isn't a straight line forward.

The only perfection available to us humans is the ability to include and forgive our imperfection. But the ego doesn't want to believe that. The ego doesn't want to surrender to its inherent brokenness and poverty. Yet the truth is, realizing your imperfection is the beginning of freedom and grace. There is such freedom in no longer pretending to be something we're not.

The only real sin is to doubt or deny the basic axial connection between us and God. Sin is simply any lack of conscious awareness and participation in our union with God. Naturally, we forget or mistrust and "sin" often. There seems to be a dance in and out of conscious connection again and again. It's the necessary pattern of fall and hopeful return. That's why Jesus tells so many stories about losing and finding, such as the parables of the lost sheep, the lost coin, and the lost son (see Luke 15). Indeed, God rejoices over the lost returning home: "There will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous people who have no need of repentance" (Luke 15:7).

The ninety-nine righteous people in this parable are focused on the spirituality of perfection. They may brag about what good Christians they are, how generous their offerings are, and how regular their church-attendance. They think they know where their perfection lies, but true wisdom comes from knowing that you don't know. This is "learned ignorance." You have to learn how imperfect you are. Eastern religions call this beginner's mind. The more mature you grow, the more you discover that you are still a beginner; you still don't know anything. In other words, this is the paschal mystery of death and resurrection, which is the only pattern of transformation.

The spiritual path is never a straight line, but a back and forth journey that ever-deepens the conscious relationship of being chosen, of being a beloved, of Someone loving me more than I love myself, of Someone who is more me than I am myself. St. Catherine of Genoa used to run through the streets shouting, "My deepest me is God! My deepest me is God!" [2] That's what every mystic knows and trusts is hidden inside our imperfect humanity.

The only perfection available to us humans is the ability to include and forgive our imperfection. But the ego doesn't want to believe that. The ego doesn't want to surrender to its inherent brokenness and poverty. Yet the truth is, realizing your imperfection is the beginning of freedom and grace. There is such freedom in no longer pretending to be something we're not.

So powerful. I've felt for a long time like, yes, yes, we're all sinful. But my sin is so much bigger than everyone else's. My broken is more broken. My failures are so much worse. It's in accepting how spectacularly I failed on my own, that I finally accepted how very broken I am and needed Jesus if I were ever to be made whole again. It was in my darkest hour that I finally let him in. And it's so incredibly true! When I stopped hiding and brought all the ugly truth to light, I found freedom! And how much lighter that makes me feel. Shame in our sinfulness is what the devil uses to keep us focused on ourselves and bogged down. We can't let Jesus in when we're inwardly focused. I listen to Just Be Held by Casting Crowns a lot. This verse always resonates with me:

If your eyes are on the storm

You'll wonder if I love you still

But if your eyes are on the cross

You'll know I always have and I always will

Happy Monday!

I can really use prayer! My Mom passed away on the 20th of July (H's and my 25th wedding anniversary!) and the funeral is this Thursday. I am expected to give a eulogy (promised my Mom I would do so) and find I can't get through it without breaking down. Please pray that I get the strength to hold it together this week and to be a source of support for my Dad, sister, and other relatives who are missing my mother as much as I am!

You remain in my prayers. Hugs to you all!

Praying for you, needfriendshere. I did both my Dad's and Mom's eulogy. It was very tough and I got emotional. Thing is the people there will understand. Others were crying, as well, but I also had some funny things that brought chuckles and nods of recognition. Prayers and strength to you.

Condolences, too, for the loss of your mother and friend.

Thank you, SteadyChevy! I'm so sorry that you've lost both of your parents. Hugs!

((needfriendshere))

Praying for you. It's ok if your love for your mother and your grief show as you are giving the eulogy.

I spoke at my moms funeral ...don't worry about breaking down...funerals are for the ones still here...

imagine her standing next to you! Encouraging you all the way! Heck you don't even have to imagine....because you KNOW she is right there...my mom has been " gone" tor 14 years....but she taught me early on that she would never really leave me....

you will be ok!

There is a beautiful song by Donna Lewis called MOTHER

It will make you cry but it is the sweetest song!

ill be praying for you all today and Thursday!

peace

I'm visiting with God about you NeedsFriendsHere. I have faith you will be a source of support for your family, and I hope they are for you as well.

I have not lost a parent yet....my MIL passed away and that was the beginning of the fall of our M. That hurt as I loved her. But that's still not losing a parent. I can't imagine how it feels....just know I'm sorry for the pain you are in.

It's healthy to grieve. To NOT to is grossly unhealthy. Just read a cool article about the ability to cry in front of others......along with some other outwardly noticeable traits. It speaks to the emotional healthiness of a person.

Too often, myself included, on SI I see BS's down on themselves for their CoD and other dysfunction. While that is a problem this article opened my eyes to the possibility that I am also closer to emotionally healthy than my wife was.

All this to nudge you that open honest expression of emotions is not a weakness but a strength.

Perhaps this is what God is referring to when we are told he uses the least among us? That by the worlds standards we may appear weak when we "break down" in front of others but by how God made us we are actually strong?? That this is a sign of emotional strength???? Dunno.

Efficiency is how we do life.

Love is why we do life.

I get the concern of doing this eulogy....and you may falter and stumble with HOW to do it, but I know your true motivator, your WHY, is love. And that is a direct tap into Gods power. Good will come from this. I feel it in my heart.

You got this.

needfriendshere, my prayers are with you. I too know your pain. I lost both my parents.

I'd appreciate prayer for both healing and for wisdom, discernment and strength.

I'm in a place where I feel absolutely shattered and unable to love well or accept being loved. At the most fundamental level, I need a loving relationship with God and I need significant healing for that to happen.

In addition, after years in R, I'm finding that my WW's old SA patterns are still there and some recent developments have me absolutely stunned. I think it is the proverbial straw that broke that camel's back, but I need the strength, wisdom and discernment to handle things well.

[This message edited by Crushed7 at 10:32 PM, July 26th (Tuesday)]

Crushed7-

I'm in a place where I feel absolutely shattered and unable to love well or accept being loved. At the most fundamental level, I need a loving relationship with God and I need significant healing for that to happen.

You are absolutely right. To love well we must first let ourselves be loved. When dealing with tragedies (not just infidelity) in our lives, it's easy to feel like we aren't loved. How could a God who loves me allow these things to happen to me? Or in my case, after all the awful things I've done, how could he ever love me now? I must have been a mistake.

It was critical to see myself as a loved uniquely made child of God. His love burns for ME personally. Not me as part of the collective human race. The truth is, even if it were just me on this earth (or you) he would've still died on the cross for each one of us personally.

And the only way we can be healed is to let him in. I was just talking about this with someone, I used to hear the parable about how the shepherd left the 99 to find the one and think I was the 99. I heard the prodigal son and thought I was the older brother who stayed. What I've learned is we're all the lost sheep, all the prodigal son. All intensively loved.

This is one of my favorite verses and comforts me when I feel too tired to go on:

"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." 1 Peter 5:10

I pray for everyone on this site regularly and will say a special prayer for you today for strength and wisdom to follow the path God has laid for you.

Crushed7 I have said a prayer for you and asked the lord to fulfill your request. You are loved and capable of love. The lord cares about your trials.

You cannot DEMAND love....any attempts to control it will keep it at bay.

With love we can only be open and receptive to receiving it.

Seems sooo simple.....and it was as a child. But painful wounds have trained us to close down, to doubt we are even worthy of love.

Certainly, adultery does a pretty complete job of reinforcing the many lies most of us subscribed to before it entered our lives.

To allow the truth that we ARE worthy of being loved for who we are.....faults and all....can be tough after real world experiences tempt you to believe otherwise.

.....struggling with that currently in our M. BOTH my wife and I desire to love each other, but are finding it difficult to be open to receive it.

....hard to offer that which you don't know you possess.

....but I do feel loved, feel a love deep within....but its like trying to hug a shadow......

Disjointed post....cause that's how my mind feels this morning.

Read this this morning and thought of everyone here:

I'm here to offer warning that the real danger in the dark isn't found in our frail and fearful spirit of weakness, rather it's found in our self-preserving spirit of strength that pridefully finds security in itself. A spirit of strength that glories in human resolve instead of in God alone. The real danger in the dark is found in our leaning on fragile people, false promises and fleeting perspectives whose only certainty of power is to fail us.

The one desperate need of every heart in the midst of this darkness is for a trusted Savior. A trusted Savior of mercy and grace whose hope of salvation is eternal. A Savior who loves us beyond measure. A Savior who delights in the affection of an undivided heart and in the gaze of joyful expectancy.

Something I'll meditate on today. I wonder if it's my stubborn reliance on my own strength leads me to constantly lose hope. But God's strength is perfected in weakness so I shouldn't be afraid to give myself, in all my broken and weak glory, to God.