We have never been married :)
Oops. My bad. He's referred to as WS so just assumed. Filing for D would be the logical next step for someone separated, ready end a marriage and eventually date.
Rephrasing :-) = MCC, until you've OFFICIALLY closed the door and TRULY DETACHED from him, dating probably not in your best interest.
but I have been searching for what it is I need to do to say "goodbye" and I am not sure what it is. I have never split up with someone I still love who is begging me to stay so this is complex territory for me. Do I say goodbye to his family? What about our kids? (adult step siblings).
Think you're onto something here. You're separated, but the door was left wide open - just in case he wanted to seriously pursue R. Seems the logical next step is to somehow officially close the door on the relationship. IF - as you say, you're ready to move on. What that looks like I dunno. Saying "good-bye" to his family maybe not necessary. Putting them in the loop about the relationship officially ending feels appropriate.
Glad you decided to wait on dating a while. Take this this time to not only grieve the end of the relationship and process the A, but to also take inventory of ALL red flags in the relationship - the behaviors spackled over, the boundaries pushed/trampled. Your STBX didn't simply wake up one morning and decide to betray the relationship. It took a certain personality, a certain mindset to get there. Whether the result was D or R we all went through this reckoning. It's necessary.
That way, when you move into the next relationship, you will be healthy and whole and healed and you will be in the best possible position to be able to find someone else who is healthy and healed and whole
You'll emerge from the relationship reckoning with a no-nonsense attitude, with firm boundaries in place.
This is my hope for you MCC!
[This message edited by BoundaryBuilder at 12:36 AM, Monday, September 25th]
