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Analyst (original poster member #56066) posted at 6:23 PM on Thursday, December 7th, 2017
HFSSC,
I do read but did not have time to respond as I was very busy these days. I got through the holidays so I concentrate on my work. I do not know what I will do next year. I might just stop those cards.
tiredofcrying59,
I am not angry now. I just did not want him to enjoy his holidays.
sassylee ( member #45766) posted at 6:33 PM on Thursday, December 7th, 2017
Glad to read this Analyst. Please keep HFSSC's post close by for next year. I agree with booyah:
HFSSC, THANK YOU for sharing your story!!!!
I have to say that was one of THE most eye opening insightful posts I've ever read here on SI.
Sorry you had to go through all of that, but you are obviously one tough determined individual and I'm glad to see you in a great place now and more importantly being able to share your journey with others.
My R(eformed)WH had a 5 month EA in 2012
In my 7th year of R
“LOVE is a commitment, not an emotion. It is a conscious act of a covenant of unconditional love. It is a mindset and a thought process.” - BigHeart2018’s Professor
Analyst (original poster member #56066) posted at 7:45 PM on Thursday, December 7th, 2017
However,
I absolutely disagree that my behaviour is unethical or illegal. It is not unethical to send cards even if the goal is to spoil someone elese holidays. I strongly disagree that I could be fired for cause as a result of those cards. Now, NJ is a "at will" state so any employer can fire anyone for a y cause or no cause as long as the cause is not "protected": race, gender, skin colour etc.
HFSSC ( member #33338) posted at 7:58 PM on Thursday, December 7th, 2017
HFSSC,
I do read but did not have time to respond as I was very busy these days. I got through the holidays so I concentrate on my work. I do not know what I will do next year. I might just stop those cards.
I'm glad you're reading. And I hope you stop. Not because of the impact on the OBS, although that will be a bonus. But because YOU deserve to heal and move forward.
Cheers.
Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.
PlanC ( member #47500) posted at 8:03 PM on Thursday, December 7th, 2017
Analyst:
Sometimes the bar can be quite low for getting fired at a Big Four. Anything that could damage the reputation of the firm can be grounds. As an example, I know of a young nonwhite woman who was fired for sharing (i.e., forwarding) a .gif saying “TGIF Nig***!” on Facebook. Just know that the majority of people here think your behavior in this matter is unethical—and we’re naturally inclined to be supportive of you. So...be careful....do some soul-searching...put yourself in the position of some poor woman who has to stay with a dirtbag in order to feed her kids...and see if you can find sympathy for her.
BS 50; xWW. 4 children.
DD 1: April 2013, confessed ONS June 2012
DD 2: March 2014, confessed affair August 2012 through March 2013
DD 3: October 2015, involuntarily confessed 5 additional ONS starting August 2014 through November 2014 (manic)
WornDown ( member #37977) posted at 3:47 AM on Friday, December 8th, 2017
It is not unethical to send cards even if the goal is to spoil someone elese holidays
[This message edited by WornDown at 9:49 PM, December 7th (Thursday)]
Me: BH (50); exW (49): Way too many guys to count. Three kids (D, D, S, all >20)Together 25 years, married 18; Divorced (July 2015)
I divorced a narc. Separate everything. NC as much as humanly possible and absolutely no phone calls. - Ch
Analyst (original poster member #56066) posted at 4:22 AM on Friday, January 5th, 2018
Hi All,
Today, I had a friendly conversation with one of my collegues and mentors. He was training and coaching me at my work.
Anyways, I did ask him if could lose the my job if the Firm learns about it. His reaponse was: "Analyst, you must know that NJ is at will state so they can terminate you for any reason or no reason. Yes, since you did nothing wrong you will get a reference. I would give you an excellent reference as you are a good employee so chances are X (our manager) will do the same. However, it does not mean that just because you won't lose your job you should be a dick and send those stupid cards. You dumped your ex, you are still young so go f*** someone if it makes you feel better"...
Anyways, the other point is that I have not done anything illegal so chances are I wi not get sued. I did not threaten anyone. I just congratulated her for staying with that SOB one more year and hoped that she will not be cheated again.
[This message edited by Analyst at 10:23 PM, January 4th (Thursday)]
Hurtbeyondtime ( member #58376) posted at 8:24 AM on Friday, January 5th, 2018
What you did is wrong on so many levels. Are the BS or the WS.. you act as if that poor BS had anything to do with the affair. You are cruel and I’m not sure where your anger and rage stem from that you think it’s okay to hurt someone innocent. Yes you were trying to hurt the WS but honestly you’re behaving like a child. Grow up.
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