SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It all comes down to you first.

What you feel is your compass for what you need. You don’t feel like love can come back? Is fine.

You feel you can forgive the fuckup to some extent? Is also fine.

Truth is you can’t neither change nor influence the other person. They are who they are. Is up to them to change or keep up.

You also are who you are. Is time to own it and look for what you want.

Doesn’t mean you have to be offended or angry for life with the other person. You know they are capable of sacrificing you and destroying everything you hold dearest in your intimate deeper self for a caprice.

That’s their true colors.

Can they change? Yes if they truly want it.

Shall you hope / wait / accept it? No, you can do it, but only if you feel like.

You don’t have to leave unless you want to. You don’t have to stay unless you want to. You don’t have to reconcile unless you feel it. You don’t have to harbor resentment unless is felt.

This is a person with some good sides and some giant freaking flaws.

You accept who they are, but above anything, you accept who you are.

They have no power over you anymore, not to harm you, not to soothe you. You control your boundaries and you alone define who can step in and just how far they are allowed in.

If they bring you things you like, take it. Everything else shall sit forever banned from your inner peace.

And pursue what you want. Wether is a future with them, with you alone, with another person, it’s your call to make.

And nobody else has any say in this.

As long as you respect yourself and live in that honesty and self acceptance, you’re going to be just fine.

Thank you First wife...I definitely lost sight of anything good the past few days. Feeling better today, I have a good new audiobook I am listening to, The Great British sewing Bee to watch on TV tonight and I'm having a good hair day! 😁

Thank you backfromthestorm. Actually the one positive to come out of all of this is that I actually like myself for the first time in my life. I never sought proper counselling for my childhood as it felt self indulgent so when DD came and I started therapy I finally healed my childhood wounds, realised I am good person, with good morals and a ton of authenticity and integrity and discovered my undiagnosed neurodiversity. What's more, I put my husband on a pedestal thinking he was so strong during the early years of our children when we were stretched with work, financial pressure and neurodiverse kids, whist I believed I crumbled with anxiety and depression. Turns out I was the strong one keeping the bloody ship afloa whilst my husband turned to escapism through work and an affair!

Feels good to finally like and be proud of myself even if it took 44 years 😀

[This message edited by Evio at 1:04 PM, Tuesday, September 1st]

Love the transformation.

You always were stronger than you thought.

Plus I 💕 a good hair day too!

Wood thrush thank you for your reply. It's weird how calmness can trigger us. I remember ruminating for ages over my childhood trauma and sibling estrangement the infidelity came along and took centre stage!

Another positive though is I've given up the need to control things...weather going to be bad tomorrow? Oh well. Plan delayed? Oh well. Car broke down again. Oh well. I realise there really is no point worrying about things out of my control. I think the difference with infidelity is it's not worrying it's grieving and that I'm learning cannot be dismissed as easily, the only way is through.