SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I saw pictures and that hurts much worse than texts. The reality of it hurts. After a while those mental replays will be less and less. It's one thing to think about it with your intellect and another thing to see and hear the actual event. It's harder to see and hear a tragedy than to read about one.

When your mind brings it up gently tell yourself, you feel hurt and sad but none of this was your choosing. Their choices. Theirs. Yes they were selfish. Yes they hurt you. Now you are choosing your healing. Your health. Your strength. You choose. Tell your brain something positive after you regain calm. If you heart gets going, do some exercises. Get rid of the stress chemicals. You are doing something healthy for yourself.

If you have an upsetting dream, tell yourself you are processing the pain, you are trying to be whole. Be kind to yourself. Gently turn away from the visions and focus on something soothing.

I would think about the times they climbed hills together after work, dinners out, hotel rooms, conventions, working together on movies...on and on. Those lousy sex pictures hung around taunting me. Pictures of them in costumes on websites.

Your brain cries why why why? It's selfishness. That's why. It's all it ever was. A me first mentality.

So when the thoughts come up you say to yourself, OK, there's that but I am putting myself first. I am doing something for me. Then you decide what that is and give your mind over to that thought. I'm learning something, I'm enjoying music or a show I like, I'm eating healthy or exercising, I'm cleaning my car, I'm buying something nice to wear....whatever it is you give your brain an alternative.

The thoughts still come. Your stomach still hurts, but you know it's a process that will be less and less and you go easy on yourself. I liked to notice what would bring the thoughts on or when they were likely to arise. Notice them and then turn your attention away to something healing. I used to 8magine I was sending that thought out into the sea or into space. Letting it disintegrate. Find a smell. Something you like. Smell that while you look at an image of something that represents healing for you. I had a picture of a landscape I loved on the door. I'd smell that fragrance and concentrate on the image or hold it in my mind in the shower while I inhaled the scent. You can help your mind through repetition.

I missed it the first time but in rereading your post I have to say that I was appalled. She had videos of them fucking on HER phone? And now is pissy cuz you looked?

You say you feel pathetic. You should be livid.

Your best option is to tell her not to come back. If she does, scream and run away. This woman is a sick fuck!

Who knows why they hold onto such trophies....stupid. The whole decision to flirt and cheat was stupid. Why blow up your life for a brain tingle? These trophies probably excite their mind again. Wooooo good times

Man… it’s a tough go you’re having. I’m truly sorry for what you’re going through. I am an a completely different situation, but all of here float in boats of similar colors. I can empathize! You’re doing nothing wrong, you are human and you’re reacting naturally to a very difficult and life altering betrayal. I want you to know that you are not broken, you are not opening yourself up to any of this due to any of your flaws. What your going through, this loss of sense-of-self, this feeling that your the problem, this my friend is what happens to people who are being gaslighted. I am not a doctor, but I am familiar with these truth reversing manipulations, and the effects they have on those who fall victim. I believe you have been severely manipulated through "gaslighting" tactics to the point where you are questioning yourself and your reality. I’m not entirely sure this gaslighting is intentional, but it seems to have been affective enough to have you questioning yourself, instead of your wayward partner. It will most likely continue until it no longer works. You are the only one who holds power over your reality. Because of this you are the most only one who can put a stop to this pattern. You are not weak, you are not crazy, you know what you know and no one gets to tell you otherwise. I suggest doing some researching on gaslighting and manipulation and how to combat it. I also suggest working out and doing the things you love to do so you can feel good about you. This is a tough road, but you can be tougher. Stay true to your honor and your morals and get that sense of self back. You got this, you will overcome this regardless of the outcome if you put yourself back in control of your life and your reality! F*** the outcome, you can be prepared for whatever it may be with some good ol’ fashioned self love.

Has she returned home?