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Thank you all for your support and help through all this. I wish I could say I feel triumphant, but today I just feel sad. The whole thing is just sad. I will look back on this divorce as the one great regret of my life. I don't regret marrying my XWW. She gave me two amazing daughters. But I do regret not seeing the signs of her cheating and divorcing her years ago like I should have. Oh well. You live and learn...

I did not tell anyone about the pending delivery of the decree. I did however treat myself to a trip to Las Vegas on Friday. I just got back last night and I'm glad I went.

Westway

When I read your OP, I had such a feeling of sadness. For you, your children and even for your ex.

I’m sad for you and your children because you’ll forever have to live with this pain. Sure it will probably fade over time, but it never completely goes away. It’s easy to say that this had nothing to do with you, it’s often quite another to embrace it emotionally.

I’m also sad for your wife because she’s chasing an illusion. Most often the things we truly desire are staring back at us. Shes always going to feel empty and one day she will (hopefully) come to an understanding of what’s she’s done and what it really cost her.

All the beat.

Westway,

I can't imagine the relief in knowing that the legal part of the situation is resolved. You now have solid ground in that area to build a new life with your children and new opportunities for the future. Congratulations on the solid ground.

Just sending hugs your way. Divorce is a double edged sword. Is there relief in that the chapter is closed and you can truly move on? Of course. Limbo is a terrible state even when you know the outcome. You were essentially in limbo until you finally crossed over to the other side so-to-speak. There’s also immense sadness in the breakdown of a family unit. I never miss my ex; quite the opposite really, but I always have a sense of sadness when I think about how life should have been. I always feel sad for my kids in their lives will never be the same. It’s a lot to take in. Give yourself time to process the finality. Everyone’s experience is different when coming to terms with it.

Good luck. Lots of well wishes sent your way. Embrace your new life and keep your eyes forward.

Oh, Vegas. I’ll be there in a month for kiddos 21st birthday. How was it?

Hutch you nailed it. I'm not just sad for the loss of the past marriage but the future also. Other than being a grade A floozy, my xWW was not a bad wife or mom. In fact she was, and is, a very good mom. She always put our daughters first. Our marriage was like 9 or 10 on her list.

I once had hopes of her and I being grandparents and spoiling the hell out of our grandkids and think of all the fun stuff we would all do together. But I will just have to do those things by myself and the grandkids... when they come.

Vegas is fun. I mainly went for the blackjack. I do my gambling off the Strip at the Red Rock Casino and Resort. I like it because I can chill out, relax and do everything there, and they have good dealers. I don't care much for the busy part of town.

[This message edited by Westway at 9:00 AM, December 10th (Thursday)]

Westway,

I've followed along as you have gone through this journey.

I understand how you feel both glad and sad about the situation.

In the past you had mentioned that you had a dossier on the 12 men you knew who she cheated with and were going to send it to her family if she caused you any trouble through the D.

Now that it is done what do you intend to do with the information?

If you are going to keep it make sure it is locked away so that your children don't accidently find it.

You are going to have a long relationship with her as you co-parent.

fooled13years

In the past you had mentioned that you had a dossier on the 12 men you knew who she cheated with and were going to send it to her family if she caused you any trouble through the D.

Now that it is done what do you intend to do with the information?

Funny you should mention that, because she did text me last night after getting her copy of the decree. She asked if we could talk tonight and I said yes. Depending on what she says, I may tell her about the dossier or I may not. I want to see what her attitude is.

She asked if we could talk tonight

I doubt she wants to talk about the kids....

I think perhaps Westway enjoys leaving on us on pins and needles waiting for a recap.

In all seriousness, I hope the discussion was good and helped both of you heal on the close of the M.

You never know when something will bring the emotions back and hit you in the gut. I know I don't ever want my XWW back, but there are times when I remember the good things and miss those parts.

We talked on the phone last night. She was subdued and sounded tired. I can tell when she is emotionally worn out. I wasn't mean to her, and I decided at that point not to tell her about the dossier. I will keep that as an ace in the hole in case she ever gets nasty, but I don't think she will. She hasn't really trashed me in public or lied about why we divorced. Her people know what she did and that is enough for me.

She told me again that she was sorry for screwing up our marriage, and I told her for the sake of our daughters that she needed to straighten up, stop her running around, and start trying to be some kind of role model for our girls (even though we both know it is probably too late for that). Her relationship with the older daughter is in shambles and we talked a lot about that. But she has an opportunity to turn it around for our younger one. I told her she needs to repent and apologize to our girls and really fvcking mean it.

We talked a bit more about her mom and dad and then we just sat quiet for a long time. She said something to the effect that she will always love me and that she will always regret not being the wife she should have been for me. I told her I wished that too, but that I wasn't going to hold it over her head anymore. What is done is done and its time to cut cords and just stay away from each other.

And that was about it. Anticlimactic really.

You are a better man than me. I would have dropped the A bomb for the sole reason that I would not want her to think she put one over on me. And for the simple malicious enjoyment.

But that’s just me. Sounds like you did the right thing for you.

[This message edited by longsadstory1952 at 9:08 AM, December 11th (Friday)]

At this point, I just want her to stay the hell away from me. She agreed not to harass me or try to get me to come back to her. We are going to do our best to co-parent our daughters and nothing more. I told her that as soon as our youngest is out of school I will probably be moving out of the city and closer to Lansing where both our girls will be attending college. She can stay here in the city and do whatever it is she's going to do.

I predict she is going to trap her another gullible clueless white boy to marry her and provide for her since she is too much of a racist and hypocrite to actually marry a black man like she would really like to do.

Smart move. Keep your powder dry. You never know when you may need it in the future.

The hard part is going for a Decree of Nullity from my church. The ex and I are Catholic, and in order to get one I have to provide evidence for why I want the union annulled, which means that I have to prove adultery. I am hoping that all it will take in my diocese is just a written affidavit signed by both my XWW and myself and our priest. But it could go before a tribunal, or committee or whatever, and if it does, all that nasty evidence might have to be brought forward.

I hope this is not the case and that my priest can help grease this thing through with as little drama as possible. I don't want to have to leave the church, because I will if I have to. I refuse to put my daughters through anymore of this crap, and I sure as hell don't want to have to sit in a room with my XWW for hours while a bunch of deacons and priests pound us with painful questions. I'd rather avoid that thank you.

[This message edited by Westway at 12:04 PM, December 11th (Friday)]

In my diocese, I discovered a nice subtle donation to Catholic Charities to the tune of $1200 bucks did wonders. I hate to be overly cynical but sometimes you have to read between the lines.

The hard part is going for a Decree of Nullity from my church. The ex and I are Catholic, and in order to get one I have to provide evidence for why I want the union annulled, which means that I have to prove adultery.

Your records shouldn't be publicly accessible after it's signed and done, from what they told me. I had no interest in dragging it out and making my wife a public disgrace in the eyes of the church. Ironically, she left the church about a year later, so shrug, waste of time right there.

Edited to add: Congratulations, Westway. I am truly happy for you and wished you a decisive outcome when I read your first thread. You didn't deserve what happened to you but you have done the absolute best you could with a terrible situation. I sincerely hope you stick around and comment from time to time. I like your take on things.

[This message edited by KingofNothing at 1:11 PM, December 11th (Friday)]

Thanks King, I appreciate it. I am not up for crucifying my XWW on Golgotha either.

And I will ask my priest about the donation. Not the first time I have greased Rome's hand.

[This message edited by Westway at 3:18 PM, December 11th (Friday)]