SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

He's totally without class, honor, and integrity. Regardless of how much it hurt, trust me, you are way better off without him than with him. A turd on the road is worth more than him.

Thank you all so much for your affirmations and support. I am happy to report that it has now been six days since I've contacted my STBX. He has already filed.

I wish I could take back the phone messages, emails and texts that I sent to him in the aftermath of finding out about the woman he is seeing, and about how and WHEN he met her. I'm ashamed of myself, of how pathetic and crazy I acted. It's my incentive to maintain NC now.

I did send flowers to the house after his mom died. Tracking shows he got them yesterday afternoon, but of course he hasn't responded with a thanks, a go to hell, or anything. That's fine.

Right now I think of the fact that the OW is a decade younger than me, thinner than I was the last time he saw me, and into hiking like I was. I obsess a little about her sleeping in my bed, meeting his family, completely replacing me in what had been my life.

I love to hike. It keeps my lungs as strong as possible. I ordered a couple books about hiking trails in our area, and sent them to him as a gift. I subsequently found out that the OW has been going hiking with him to places he and I were going to go, and her Facebook page shows that she just read those two books. The ones I sent to him.

With respect to my weight, I am 5'5" tall and now weigh 122 pounds. When I tried to tell him over the phone that I had gotten the extra pounds off, he yelled "It doesn't matter anymore!"

((NorCalLost)) Sending you a big hug! Just to echo others, I am so sorry your WH has treated you this way. He did not appreciate the good woman he had. This had nothing to do with your weight. This is all about him being an asshole. I think you’ll find that he did you a favor, because you will have a better life without him!

NorCalLost:

One step at a time, one day at a time just keep moving forward. Please do not pain shop social media. Remember No Contact means no new hurts.

Your husband must be proud of himself. I can’t find polite words to describe him.

You deserve a lot of credit for reversing your steroid induced weight gain while still using steroids. Have you had a frank discussion with your pulmonologist about all of the problems you’ve had? If not, I urge you to do so.

He/she may be able to write other anti inflammatory meds.

Please ask both your pulmonologist and your ophthalmologist about any risk of developing cataracts and if anything can be done to avoid this.

Keep hiking it can benefit you in several ways. Steroid induced myopathy is often a concern.

M

Thank you, Meers. 🖤 It's been a hard road. I have had a number of lung infections and am at risk for collapsed lung. I've been on antibiotics and I have had a number of breathing treatments. I find the pain is often worse than the inability to breathe. I'm trying so hard to power through, but I wake up sometimes so afraid. I miss his warmth in the bed next to me when I am scared, his hand to hold.

I know he got frustrated with this illness and its effect on my moods. I have a tendency to go quiet, and he would say, "I don't know whether you're in pain or just being a B."

I know this breakup is not my fault but I wonder why he would have stayed with his first wife forever (had she not cheated and left him), but not me. They were together decades, and he always said "she could at least have stayed till our daughter was grown." Well, why couldn't my husband have stayed with ME until this disease ran its course? I was good to him, I loved him with everything I had. Now I am alone. Who is gonna want to be with a girl who has an expiration date?

Have you ever seen the Will Smith movie "Seven Pounds?" He falls in love with a woman who is dying from a heart defect. I used to think my husband loved me that way. Losing him is going to do me in. This is really way toomuch

NorCalLost,

I totally get what you mean. I miss having my husband in bed beside me at night.

And, i miss that when I really need comfort from the loss of the marriage, I can't go to the person who usually does that. It's really hard.

BUT. I think it's time that you and I start to accept reality, that if they were beside us, things would not necessarily be better. It would have been pre-affair, but now? No. It would be a presence that was infused with betrayal, and with your WS, total lack of caring. I know this must be doubly upsetting because of your medical issues, when you need support the most.

For a start, read this: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/archives.asp?tid=459284

It's hard for me to detach as well, I think for so many of us, but everyone says it's the number one thing to do for your mental wellbeing.

Your quality of ife can change for the better, with your toxic WS out of the picture. He's being cruel, and you just don't need that in your life right now (or ever). His issues are his alone.

What can you do today for yourself, to make it more manageable? Can you go for a walk? Research lawyers to call next week? Write in a journal? See a friend?

Thinking of you. ((hugs))

The weight was an excuse. If it hadn't been that he would have found another justification for what he wanted to do. It really is that simple.

Cheaters don't cheat because we age, put on weight, get sick, did or ddimt pit the toilet seat down or up, or a myriad of other nonsensical reasons. Everyone in the world that's married knows their spouse has flaws and if they are self aware know they themselves have them too.

But most people don't cheat because their partner did ABC or didn't do xyz. So ABC or xyz isn't the real reason. Otherwise all or most would. Its an excuse.

Its because they had an opportunity, wanted to, and were in some way broken inside that it made cheating seem an acceptable option. Its not. Its a destructive and unhealthy choice. Therefore the onus lies on the cheater not the betrayed. They have the issues, the problems, etc.

I'm so sorry you are here.

He sounds like a sick, pathetic, abusive coward. I'm so glad you are rid of him, but I'm so sorry for the pain you're feeling. The rollercoaster is brutal some days, but it gets better.

Are you familiar with the term "projection" or "projecting"? Everything negative your STBX said about you, he was talking about himself. It's cliche but it's really himself that he doesn't love and value. He's tired of HIS brokenness. I'd guess there's a pattern of entitlement and avoidance of responsibility in his ways of thinking about life. Those red flags he was referring to, they are his, he's been the one waving them and now blaming you for not noticing them. (My XWW basically beat me in the face with her red flags and I refused to see them for 14 years).

His concept of attraction appears skin deep, and I imagine this immaturity and shallowness is manifests itself in a variety of ways in his life. What value are you to me? I imagine this is a question he asks often of even the people he supposedly cares about. Minimal self-awareness, and inadequate self-esteem to improve.

Nope, not any kind of person that I would want in my life. Sounds like you are taking great steps already. You're doing better than many people are at this stage. Sending strength!

[This message edited by Shattereddd at 5:04 PM, May 20th (Sunday)]

NorCalLost - checking in on you.

(((HUGS)))

Honey, this isn’t about your weight! That is a balmeshift. It is about, his need for attention and physical presence. It is about his ego needing stroking. It is about his image.

It is all about him.

I know your broken now, look for the lemonade. Would he have done this if you became bed bound? Sure, he needs a trophy wife.

This is not about you and your flaws. It is about him.

I am drifting. I have so many questions in my head that I will probably never have answers to. I know he is angry that I found out about him being disloyal, that I had the audacity to call him a cheater. He doesn't consider himself a cheater. I know he is angry that I talked to OW and told her tons of things about his history with me. I understand that is why he is 'ghosting' me now. It still hurts.

I'm not sure how to attach photos to our posts. Are we allowed to? I wanted to share an image that is one of the messages that 'someone' forwarded to me from a fraudulent Facebook account. My STBX sent it to OW within days of meeting her. He took one of the posts from his Facebook wall, about how every woman deserves a man who will call her baby, never cheat, blah blah blah, and he private messaged it to her, with a personal note on top that said, "I want to be this man for you, even though I know I'm not part of your plan." I nearly threw up when I saw it.

How could he care so little about me that he could do that? How could he think she "sparks his soul" so soon after meeting her? How could he not question this woman he just met about the messages 'someone' was sending me, that could only have come from either him or her? And if he is leaving me over superficial reasons, then why is he with a homely woman now? Although she looks thinner, and she is a decade younger. Why was he able to stay with his wife for decades, but not me? Although by his own admission he did cheat on his wife before she left him for somebody else.

These are just some of the things going through my head right now.

[This message edited by NorCalLost at 1:19 PM, May 22nd (Tuesday)]

He is an alien in your husbands body. Or he is a con man.

Please don’t pain shop it will only hurt you more.

Your wH did this because it is all about him. He needs a new shine toy.

Hugs