SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Sorry to have you here. Your wife is as bad a scumb@g as the POSOM! You have to accept that and not want to be with her unless she performs some kind of miracle. What kind of woman would break up a very young family ? So its not just the OM you should be directing judgements at.

With regard to waiting the 6 months recommended by the therapist - DON'T! Strike while the iron is hot in terms of custody and maybe if she is guilty in the slightest, she will give you an amicable divorce.

She is not worth being with and in any case, there is no point in waiting as it will only get worse for you. You need to be out of infidelity asap. Also expose this far and wide once you have got a good divorce settlement. Make sure your stbxw's employers know too.

You might also want to keep a VAR in your pocket with all interactions with your WW. It can keep you in the family home and out of jail in case she decides to file a false DV charge against you. You may think she would never do that... but I will bet you thought that she would never cheat either. There was 1 guy here that got thrown out of his home that was not marital property (was his before the marriage) and his wife immediately moved the boyfriend in. It took him months to get back into his own home, and her out.

Sounds like you need to invest some time into working on you. What I mean by this is that your wife needs to see you as strong and independent, not crying and waiting around for her. Your wife knows you are there for her and still love her, you told her that. STOP telling her anything!

Working on you means becoming that man that women are attracted to. Download the free PDF: No More Mr Nice Guy NOW! This book will open your eyes, it has done wonders for many men on this site. It may also lead you to other books and forums dealing with Men/Women dynamics.

If you R or D doesn't matter when working on yourself. Becoming a stronger, more independent man will make your W or other women look at you in a more positive light.

My advice for you: Go to a gym and lift. Don't do yoga, or machines, lift heavy free weights. It will increase muscle mass, increase T levels, lower stress and make you feel better. Get a hobby (golf, bike.. whatever) and do it. Spend lots of fun times with the kids!!! The W if you end up in R, or other women if you D will see you differently than they do now.

Good luck to you!

You need to stop feeling sorry for your situation and protect those beautiful children of yours. It is apparent you are the only one who can

Lawyer time

Thanks all. I am doing the 180. I have started the process with the lawyer. It takes 3-5 months he stated. I don't talk to her unless needed. I go to the gym 5 days a week pretty much. I'd like R but am ok with D. 14 years together wants me to work it out, but I am fine going the other way and I've told her that. In the beginning I was very I need you and I want you. Now it's more I'd like this to work but I don't need you. Now we don't talk unless it's in regards to the kids.

The OM wife knows. I spoke to her myself in the beginning. I've seen the text from her without my wife knowing. I have access to her phone through the computer. I don't believe anything she tells me at this point nor do I believe anything the OM says either. He told me at one point, after she said they needed to stop talking, that our marriage is all she wants. Asshole!

Also, maybe dickish on my part but I told her I'd give the 6 months the therapist said but I don't plan on it.

Sorry. I also told her I was fine with R in the beginning and up until recently but have really put in a firm D statement to her at this point.

Did I do the wrong thing in telling her we'd be NC except for the kids?

No. You did totally the right thing!!!

Ok. I just read something that said if you go NC to do it without WW knowing. Also, her boss knows. I texted him a week ago. I believe he may be talking to her today. She said something about him saying the need to talk before her days off but he said they'd do it after that. A lot of WW friends know but not the whole story, or at least that's what she says.

So I spoke to the lawyer today to start the process. Do I tell her or just leave it alone? I'm also very skeptical of exposure. I've read that it can be good and it can be harmful if looking for any R. Not that I should worry about my image in this but I don't want to be some vindictive person. High road has always been the way I go.

Don't talk to your wife except for kid-related items.

Have her served at work.

Exposure is almost a must if you want to R. If you are going to get D and exposure causes her to lose her job then that could hurt you.

I don't mean to beat a dead horse but something sounds fishy. Are you absolutely sure your wife is having the affair with a co-worker and not the Boss? Is it possible you talked to an imposter and not the OM's BW? It's been done before where the WW sets the BH sailing in the wrong direction to protect her new BF.

They got to be living in la la land where unicorns fart rainbows and fairy dust if they think this is going to go the way they expect. OM is going to be on the hook for child support and alimony to his x and your WW paying child support for your kids. They had better have really good jobs.

It's not her boss. I spoke to oms wife. I have got confirmation from my wife. I even got om to admit it. I've seen all the texts and fb messages between her and om.

As much as you want to R right now, your WW is not in that space. It is not in her thinking.

You can't R with someone that isn't wanting or willing to R.

She is still seeing the OM, isn't willing to give him up. As hard as that is to accept, that is your reality. Your only action at this point is to head toward D, protect yourself and your kids.

IF, and only IF and WHEN she wakes up and realizes what she is about to lose and is REMORSEFUL (google the difference between regret and remorse) then, IMO, should you even consider R.

(((hugs))) I don't mean to be harsh but you are wanting so bad to R that you are overlooking all the signs of her continuance of the affair.

You and your children deserve better. Deserver more. Deserve honesty and truth. Not whatever is left over.

You HAVE taken the high road. You have stated that you love her but won't tolerate the affair. The high road is setting a standard for your children of what is a healthy relationship and what isn't.

You don't have to trash her but you also don't have to tolerate being treated as trash.

High road = standards. Your WW has not be able to demonstrate those. Don't settle.

(((good luck)))

Oh trust me. I'm pushing the D but can't help but hope for a miracle I guess. I'm not blind to who she is or what she's done to me or our children. I deal with my daughters tears every day.

I have accepted where I am, but it's still fresh as the last bit of info disclosure I got was about 2 weeks ago.

She constantly says things like I want to be home or I don't want to lose my family and continues her actions. I don't trust a damn thing she says.

I reached out to the OM spouse yesterday but she hasn't responded and that was just to see how she is doing.

dostl10,

Your WW's claim that she needs more time is a classic cake eating tactic. The longer you delay, the longer she gets the best of both world's -- hot nights with the OM while you babysit the kids. You need to end this.

Perhaps, when she finally begins to realize that her marriage is about to end, she will become more amenable to R, but be careful. Your WW has demonstrated that she would be a very poor candidate for R so, even if she were to have a last minute conversion, you should be extremely skeptical about her ability to follow through.

Now that you are at the point of D, drop the "I want her back sentiment" and start finding your steel core. D is an adversarial process and, if you're still in "let's work it out" mode, you'll get taken to the cleaners. Use every advantage you have to get a good settlement, especially w/r/t child custody. As the primary care giver, you are in an excellent position to get primary custody. Don't blow it.

You are doing the right thing by limiting your communications to child care matters. Since you are filing for D, exposure is no longer an issue.

Good luck.

I've been communicating with OM spouse and stories I am getting and the stories she is getting are not lining up in the slightest as to the current on goings.

this is like the 3rd or 4th very recent JFO where a WW walks out on the family for their OM.

For me there is an extra level of sickening entitlement to these stories.