SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

stronger08 & jb3099

Thanks for your advice.

I did close all accounts the day after the second betrayal. Opened new in my name only. She has always had a problem spending everything she could get her hands on. Really.

I appreciate your recognition of her developing a case against me, however, her crazy behavior when the cops do arrive has been entered into their reports. I asked. The last cop told me she will be back after he heard the details. Spent a couple hours talking to him while she moved stuff out. We waited outside. My attorney told me to photograph everything she took out of the house and she claimed I was intimidating her by taking pictures. He (the copy) just looked at me and shrugged. Then she claimed since I had hung a portrait of our sons on the empty walls that I had done that to imtimidate her. He directed her to focus on getting her things together. THEN she finds a sincere note expressing goodby and really hope she does find the happiness she seeks that I wrote and left on a dresser. "Officer come here I want you to read this with me so you can see the mean things he is saying to me." They read the letter, he says, "Seems like he is saying goodbye to me". Then he comes out and tells me she needs help.

So now she has moved all her stuff to Phoenix and the OM's house. It's now his problem and I know how he deals with his problems, his fists. So it will be only matter of time before they "blowup" but this bloke isn't going to be there to pick up the pieces. He is just getting his pieces "glued" back together.

I do find it so strange that there is such a corolation between those who decide to cheat and betray, that they blame the BO and backup there cheating with hate and anger. The betrayed have every right to be angry...????

How do you all deal with the emotional ups and downs. This is devastating. One minute I am fine the next a heap of tears. How long can this go on and you survive?

By working on your self; start a new hobby, excercise, spend time with other people, (family, friends), just by keeping yourself occupied. The key is to start living your life to the best of your abilities, (one without your WW) and finally just the plain old passage of time.

Don't allow yourself to sit around stewing over what might have been. All that will do is send you down a rabbit hole.

Your WW did this. All you can do is pick yourself up, dust off your clothes, and get back on the horse.(see above)

[This message edited by Marriagesucks at 1:29 PM, December 15th (Tuesday)]

If it gets bad enough you can see about getting a doctor to prescribe sleep aids and other drugs to help with emotions.

[This message edited by Marriagesucks at 1:40 PM, December 15th (Tuesday)]

How do you all deal with the emotional ups and downs. This is devastating. One minute I am fine the next a heap of tears. How long can this go on and you survive?

Dealing with infidelity isn't easy. That's why there are entire sites dedicated to it.

In my opinion, it is basically acute PTSD. It is probably the biggest blow that you have been dealt in life. Add in the newly discovered anger and hatred, and we are virtually paralyzed by their actions and behaviors. I wish there was an easy way through this, but the sooner that you handle what is in front of you...and process the emotions...the sooner that your healing will begin.

I am starting to doubt my sanity. The loneliness of an empty house is killing me. Go out for a drink feel lonely in a room full of people. Must be going nuts. Even found myself yearning for her company. She was after all, my best friend as well.

This truly is the most terrible thing (betrayal) that you can do to a person.

In moments of sadness I digress immaturely to hoping she gets hers. That isn't healthy I know but can't help the thoughts.

How to balance this broken heart and the rampaging thoughts that permeate my mind.

I have come to the conclusion I will always love her. I just cannot understand where she is now, the hate she has for me tears me in two. The only way I can survive this is to admit I can never hate her for this. Not sure about anything else just know I cannot replace my hurt with anger. Done enough of that in my life.

Went to doctor for some meds to help cope. He knows us both and knows some of our trials. Very understanding. I appreciate when people don't bad mouth her. Am I nuts?

I have never felt this undone in my life. Would give anything just to hear her voice one last time..

I have come to the conclusion I will always love her. I just cannot understand where she is now, the hate she has for me tears me in two. The only way I can survive this is to admit I can never hate her for this. Not sure about anything else just know I cannot replace my hurt with anger. Done enough of that in my life.

Went to doctor for some meds to help cope. He knows us both and knows some of our trials. Very understanding. I appreciate when people don't bad mouth her. Am I nuts?

I have never felt this undone in my life. Would give anything just to hear her voice one last time..

If you are not in IC now, please do it. It will help you step through all your feelings.

Do try to get out and see other people, especially ones that make you laugh. Or watch funny movies. Take a class, learn basket weaving ;-), anything to get you out of the house and busy. Whatever you do don't contact her, that won't help you.

Look, there is nothing wrong with talking to your doctor about antidepressants. Right now, you are in a crisis mode, and need to get through these bad times. More than likely, it would only be temporary.

You don't have to hate your wife, but you have to be unaccepting of her behavior. I don't know what happened to her moral compass, but it is nonexistent at this point. Sorry.

Jb3199

I agree and the last thing I would do is consider this A acceptable. She has no idea the number of people she has effect nor ,I thing, does she care.

I am just realizing I will always love the person she was. It is how I will cope with this dramatic and terrible change. Who she is now ... I will never understand.

I'm sorry for your hard time.

It sounds like you did a lot but also put up with a lot.

my beliefs are that the x I have blames me because he cannot blame himself. It is the easier route to point fingers.

The hostility, imo, in my opinion, is a defense he and my daughter use to get me to leave them alone. Others do it to because I try to fix problems and the others feel easier walking away.

It seems like there should be a way to get some of your money and belongings back. I had to list every single item and

Where things went, to Perv and ow or me.

Regarding the emotions, I have learned that doing nothing when the big emotions come helps...that is, nothing like paperwork or phone calls that could be irreversible changes. A walk, a punching bag, a jog...I think of it as energy that needs to get out.

Its really something to discover that you were living under the same roof but going in opposite directions.

I think you were used and very badly. A situation for xw to live a lifestyle she liked. That's what I was.

You sound strong though may not feel like it. Because you are watching her now. Not missing much. You will make it and I bet will be very different over time.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 12:11 PM, December 19th (Saturday)]

I feel so undone and my emotions are controlling me. Not the other way around. The way I feel right now is to get the divorce completed and things in trust for my sons and just ending it. I am 63, and just don't feel the energy to continue this rediculousmpart of life. Is that so wrong to give up I mean?

Please go see a doctor and get some meds. They can help with the depression your having.

I would also suggest you to call and talk to your sons. They can help you I'm sure.

JWB2

You doing alright?

I think the loneliness is the hardest part for me too much time on my hands... Semi retired. Just want to get this over with and move on. The movies in my head beat me down and can't seem to rid myself of them. I really did love her with everything I had. Could never go back to that person. To look into her eyes and not trust. I would rather just think she died. Easier to grieve since I don't have to see or speak to her. Much easier than some poor folks on here.

Have IC right after Christmas so getting some help. Thanks for your interest and care. It means a lot to me.

There is not much that we can say that is going to ease your pain. We can tell you that it does get better....and it will....but that is not of great help right now.

I remember telling my WW in one of my darker moments, that I wished she simply walked up behind me without knowing, and shot me in the back of the head. I know that it was the pain talking, but I really do understand when you say that you want to give up. We all understand.

But we shouldn't be putting that much emphasis on our partner. We can love them with all of our ability, but they should not be responsible for our own happiness. There is a poster here....doggiediva....that has a fantastic signature line---"Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite". So true. Hard to accept this close to your D-day, but it will really resonate as you start to feel better.

I am really sorry for your pain at this time. Again, believe me, IT DOES GET BETTER.

[This message edited by jb3199 at 11:06 PM, December 24th (Thursday)]

JWB2,

I am so sorry for the heartache you are going through. Tonight I don't have any great words of wisdom, because I'm feeling a little down myself. I just wanted you to know that you aren't all alone. Not by a long shot. It hurts my friend. It hurts worse than anything I've ever gone through. It does get better. A little bit each day. I promise. The holidays have me down right now because this is the time of year that my actual "end" took place, but I have had good days. I've had a lot of good days. Right now it's dipped back into the bad, but it's not as bad as it was in the beginning, and I know that tomorrow is another day. One foot in front of the other. That's how we make it through.

Thank you both for your caring words, especially tonight. I very well might of had the wrong kind of love. I spent my life trying to make her happy with money, trips, recognition and this is what is left. I am finding it hard to be alone. So very strange for me.

Thank you again for the kind words they have meant the work to me